Is it a fact that all women are afraid of men?

[Fakenametodayhey]

I feel scared popping to the shop at night and my boyfriend doesn't get it. I would rather he go because I think he would be safer than me. I dont actually 'think' it but i feel it.
He thinks i am being lazy but i dont mind in the daytime.

I have spoken to a few women about this and the consensus seems to be that we all feel scared walking alone at night, in secluded areas or open ones, and will be on alert if they are alone and it's late.

I was always taught (through actions and words) that me and my sister were not safe to go alone (despite being older) but my brother was safe- even though he is considerably younger than us both.

I can go for a midnight walk down the canal with a male family member and feel completely safe, but when i have gone on a walk in the evening on a busy road alone or even with a female friend or family member (or even 2 or 3) i feel on edge. And generally they do too.

I have asked my boyfriend, male cousins, dad and my brother and they couldn't believe that we actually felt scared.
Im not the only one who holds their keys in their pocket like its a weapon- just incase.

So i guess my question is this- am i being unreasonable crossing the road/ avoiding going out at night etc? Or is it just a 'symptom' if being the 'weaker sex'?
No debate- me and my family are all small women and a man could easily- well, you know.

Also is it different if you are bigger/ stronger?

The only time I do a risk assessment is if it’s dark so I stick to well lit streets. But, I said exactly the same to my DS when he started going out as he only feared male violence at night too. Daytime I tend to avoid any large groups whatever sex they’re made up of.

DS also fears getting intimate with women in case they turn round and falsely accuse him of sexual assault (or worse).

No I'm not afraid of men. Statistically, I am more likely to be assaulted by a male who is known to me rather than a stranger.

I will go out on my own at night. I used to work nights and regularly popped to the shops, to get petrol etc after my shift.

But there is a big difference between going to the 24 hour Asda and wandering around unlit canal tow paths at 11pm at night. I generally wouldn't be doing the latter. I wouldn't also necessarily be wary of just men in that situation. I'd be wary of anyone who was a stranger, male or female.

Of course I am, in a situation where I am vulnerable.

Only a fool wouldn’t be scared of people who perpetrate 99% of violent crime. It’s not just statistics, it’s my life experience and that of all the women I know.

We can’t just fight off men because they are usually stronger than us. It’s because we have been socially conditioned not be rude, hurt their feelings, not reject them, not make them angry, keep them on side, let them have their own way, etc etc etc .

Look at the dozens of posts on MN where woman are raped or sexually assaulted and they think it’s their fault because they consented to A, they HAD to consent to BCDE and F. Or because they didn’t say No loudly enough or fight him off etc etc . Or because he’s their partner.

It’s not just male strength, it’s male entitlement .

You must be surrounded by very strong masculine men to feel like that, I wouldn't hesitate to stab someone in the neck with a biro pen if I had to but maybe my family are just psycho for teaching me that 😁

Its the way you have been brought up, I was always the protective baby sister growing up! I used to stand up to the bully's in my DSis year that were 3 years above me!

someone was chasing our car once think he was on something (I thought he was out for a jog LOL) when DH stopped and asked him what his problem was he started on DH and was jumping round like he was in a boxing ring, I got out with a leg from the coffee table we was getting rid of and DH got pissed of at me for getting in the way, maybe take up a self defence class to make you feel more confident x

DS also fears getting intimate with women in case they turn round and falsely accuse him of sexual assault (or worse).

Have you set him straight on that?

I am not afraid of men, or afraid of going out alone at anytime, I have never given it any real thought.

I think it's because while men are statistically more likely to be assaulted (and by other men), we as women fear that an attack will have life-altering consequences.
If I'm mugged and beaten up by a man, he will likely be far far larger and stronger than me. The damage will be consequently scarier.
The risk of sexual assault is terrifying, as apart from the actual incident itself, it would have life long emotional effects.

I have been beaten up by a male teenage mugger, it was unpleasant but not something that traumatised me. I had some minor permanent damage from it. If it had been a woman beating me up it's unlikely I'd have had those injuries. Women just don't hit as hard.
If that mugger had sexually assaulted me I'm not sure I would have got over it as easily.

So yes, I'm on edge and always have been when out alone at night. And I'm not worried about foxes, or that some random woman might cross my path. It's men.
It goes without saying NAMALT, but enough are that I've had a lot of scary situations where the man was knowingly making a situation scary.

I live in a cute little rural village, and know many of my neighbours and people who live here, but I still wouldn’t feel particularly safe walking the 10 mins to the village shop in the dark by myself.
I’m not generally afraid of men just because they are men - I used to work in an extremely male dominated, “macho” environment. Having said that, I would be more intimidated by a man behaving in a sketchy way if I was alone at night, than I would be by a woman

I know NAMALT but yes, I am very afraid of men in general. I don’t trust them and at the back of my mind I’m always frightened that I could end up in an abusive relationship or be sexually assaulted. I think this stems from DV in my mother’s marriage, a female relative being date raped when I was little and growing up; remembering how beautiful she looked going out on her date and coming back broken, my own father’s violent outbursts throughout my childhood and the sexual harassment and assault I’ve experienced too as well as having a sexually motivated stalker throughout my teens and twenties. Unfortunately, I’ve not had many positive male role models in my life and so, as much as I can be attracted to them, I’m afraid of them. And I’d agree with other posters, I’m more afraid of men I might get to know through a relationship who then might turn violent and dangerous than random men on the street. I take precautions in my day to day life from the random men. It’s when you trust someone and let them in to your life that I think you can be most vulnerable.

It’s not a great way to live life but my fears aren’t irrational, I’ve seen it all first hand.

Pre marriage DH lived in different cities and there was a lot of travel at night Fri/Sunday- I did have few bad experiences with men - tried to avoid little deserted stations changes even if route was longer but we did seem to follow the train work around for a few years.

Also had a train failing to make a schedule stop at very tiny station which was nearest DH was at the time. Completely their fault so ended up a station upline – staff tried to help get a taxi back as the next train back that was not till another 2.5 hours and they were closing soon and they weren’t keen on me waiting by myself – they weren’t allowed to authorise it – it was already near midnight.

It was very scary on that platform with random men turning up for trains every so often. The train guard did make sure I was happy getting off at tiny deserted platform at around 2 - 3 am – bushes either side of path to road. I had to reassure him DH was coming. Train pulled out I felt really odd watching it go and DH came running up path – I was so relived.

People were very nice on that journey but I still got scare though nothing really happened to make me so.

I’m not scared. I’m careful but that’s just common sense, and I’m wary of strangers -men and women - but no, not scared.

I’ve done 6 years martial arts where we also do practical self defence. We learn how to put someone on the floor to give enough time to run away. I’ve never had to use it, but I wish I’d been taught it as a teen.

No, I'm not afraid of men or going out after dark. I probably subconsciously do a risk assessment, but I've never noticed this 'fear' of men affect my life in any way.

I'm sure if I had been attacked, as some pps, then my outlook would change.
I'm sorry you feel this way OP.

It depends where I am. Here, on a remote Scottish island I have no fear and will wander around around at any time safe in the knowledge I'll be ok. I'd also hitch-hike.

In the city where my mother lives, no way would I walk about by myself in the dark. She's about a 5 minute walk from the station, but if it's dark when I get there (well dark and late) I'll get a cab. There have been too many reported incidents of attacks in the area for me to take the risk.

Only a fool wouldn’t be scared of people who perpetrate 99% of violent crime. It’s not just statistics, it’s my life experience and that of all the women I know.

Well it's not statistics at all. 75% of violent crime is by men. So irl you have 1 in 4 chance to get attacked by a woman.

"NAMALT but 93% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared."

This is a depressing statement. For starters, it's factually incorrect (the correct figure is 74%). But it also perpetuates the view that all men should be feared by women, and fosters a culture of fear.

While even one violent crime is one too many, it's also important to understand the big picture. The latest ONS statistics tell us that violent crime peaked in 1995, and has fallen by more than two thirds since, so that now:

• in a single year, 1.7% of adults will be a victim of a violent crime. So 98.3% will not. Even one crime is too many, but the chances of you being a victim are small
• just over half of those violent crimes resulted in no injury to the victim. So, even if you are in the small number of people who become a victim, you have a better than evens odds of escaping any injury
• another 30% of those crimes resulted in only minor injury (bruises, scratches etc). Only 17% of violent incidents resulted in more serious injury. Again, that's helpful in keeping the fear in check - the chances of actually being seriously hurt in an assault are really small
• the most common perpetrators of violent crime were acquaintances (44%, 629,000 offences), with 38% of offences (542,000) perpetrated by a stranger, and the remaining 17% (249,000 offences) categorised as domestic violence. So, again, the chances of being attacked by a random stranger are much lower than the chances of being attacked by someone you know.
• in terms of gender, the ONS Crime Survey of England and Wales showed that men were more likely to be victims of violent crime than women (2.3% of men compared with 1.2% of women). This was true for all types of violence, except domestic violence.
• men are more likely to be perpetrators, with 74% of violent crime victims reporting that the perpetrator was male.

So, what does that tell us? Well, even one crime is too many. But the chances of being a victim of crime are really low, amd the chances of being hurt in a crime are much lower still. They're lower still if you're a woman (with the marked exception of domestic violence, where you're more likely to be a victim if you're a woman). You're more likely to be hurt by someone you know, than by a stranger. Yes, you're more likely to be hurt by a man ' but there's also a 1 in 4 chance you'll be hurt by a woman.

There are 70 million people in the UK. Clearly, it is a very small proportion of that population who are offenders. Statistically, the premise that "men as a class should be feared" is wrong. The majority of men are not going around committing violent crimes. In fact, those you encounter on the street are far more likely to help someone who is in trohble, than to hurt them.

So, exercise care. Take sensible precautions to avoid becoming a victim of crime, whether you're male or female. But remember that most people, whether male or female, are fundamentally decent.

*You must be surrounded by very strong masculine men to feel like that, I wouldn't hesitate to stab someone in the neck with a biro pen if I had to but maybe my family are just psycho for teaching me that 😁

Its the way you have been brought up, I was always the protective baby sister growing up! I used to stand up to the bully's in my DSis year that were 3 years above me! *

You never know how you will react until it happens to you. I used to think this is how I would react. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how you are brought up and It's nothing to do with the strength of the other person. There is no shame in not fighting back, and it's a perfectly normal survival response.

Of course it’s not a fact that women are scared of men.

I’m not frightened of men, maybe I’ve just been lucky up to this point but I’ve never felt unsafe due to a man. I walk in the dark if I need too, I don’t cross the road just to avoid walking near a man and so on. I mean I’m not stupid I stay aware of my surroundings but that’s not because I’m scared of men, that’s just common sense isn’t it really.

That risk assessment is born of a perfectly healthy fear of male violence.

Absolutely.

93% is perpetrated by men, but not 93% of men are perpetrators of violence.

No one has claimed they are, though.

This thread is interesting, after a particularly long and vituperative one a few months back where a poster said she was concerned about her teenage daughter safety because she was planning to walk daily by herself in a local wood as a break from revising -- large numbers of posters on that thread said they would never do that, that it was irresponsible and dangerous.

I got a lot of unwanted male attention – comments even occasional touching and few time times stopping me leaving an area from a relatively young age – I had large breast and hips at 11 while still at primary.

I wonder if that still plays into my reasoning and risk assesments.

if you’ve never been attacked by a strange man at night, you have no idea how you’d react. Absolutely none. And trust me, the sort of man that hangs about at night looking for a woman to rape is an extremely violent one. Most woman won’t stand a chance. Nothing to do with your personality.

I do feel worried and don't like being out late but actually all I've had is wolf whistles etc. It's my male relatives who have actually been assaulted.

@carryonupthenile

Absolutely! when my case was in the papers I had to read so many idiotic comments from people suggesting I should have behaved differently (Why didn't she fight back?) or people suggesting what they would do (I would have screamed and slashed his face with my keys! etc) or even worse (This is why I learn self defence)

Lots of talk from people who haven't got a clue. All of it is victim blaming

It's not about whether you personally feel at risk or afraid walking to the shop near you though.

As a class women are at high risk of assault by men.

As a class we are smaller, weaker and less able to withstand male strength and size and power.

As a class we tend to be more aware of things and take a million tiny measures to look out for ourselves more than men do (holding keys, crossing the road, not wandering street slate at night, travelling with friends not alone, telling people of plans, plain old listening to spidey senses - and teaching the next generation of all these little things too)

That's why I wear pantyliners inside my woman's underwear as a woman. The mere idea of encountering a big masculine manly man with a penis and an Adam's apple makes me lose bowel control.

Thank you @SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad. Very informative.