Is it a fact that all women are afraid of men?

[Fakenametodayhey]

I feel scared popping to the shop at night and my boyfriend doesn't get it. I would rather he go because I think he would be safer than me. I dont actually 'think' it but i feel it.
He thinks i am being lazy but i dont mind in the daytime.

I have spoken to a few women about this and the consensus seems to be that we all feel scared walking alone at night, in secluded areas or open ones, and will be on alert if they are alone and it's late.

I was always taught (through actions and words) that me and my sister were not safe to go alone (despite being older) but my brother was safe- even though he is considerably younger than us both.

I can go for a midnight walk down the canal with a male family member and feel completely safe, but when i have gone on a walk in the evening on a busy road alone or even with a female friend or family member (or even 2 or 3) i feel on edge. And generally they do too.

I have asked my boyfriend, male cousins, dad and my brother and they couldn't believe that we actually felt scared.
Im not the only one who holds their keys in their pocket like its a weapon- just incase.

So i guess my question is this- am i being unreasonable crossing the road/ avoiding going out at night etc? Or is it just a 'symptom' if being the 'weaker sex'?
No debate- me and my family are all small women and a man could easily- well, you know.

Also is it different if you are bigger/ stronger?

I'd only use [self-defence] as a last resort and simply do my best to avoid any confrontation

For pretty much any woman, the absolute best, most reliable and safest, most effective form of defence would be to learn how break any "freeze" and sprint away from a situation - on any surface, in any footwear, at any time. Preferably while screaming your head off to attract attention*

(* not-so-fun-fact: shouting "fire" will likely get more attention and more help faster than just shouting "help")

I was groomed and raped as a teenager, which resulted in the birth of both my daughters. This was done by an old family friend and in my own home so I'm not afraid, for example, to go out at night but how I perceive and trust men has definitely changed.

I'm not afraid to go out at night and wouldn't ask my DH to go for me. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't hold my keys in my hand, be aware of where men were walking in relation to me, cross the road if a man was too close behind me, etc.
I think women are constantly risk assessing. The difference is that you see night-time as massively increasing your risk. I don't see night as being an increasing factor. I'd weigh up risk the same way I do during the day.

93% of violence is perpetrated by men. Men as a class should be feared*

Whilst I don't dispute this, the op's question was about whether she was unreasonable to ask her boyfriend to go out instead of her because she felt less safe than he did The answer to me is is she is a bit unreasonable as her boyfriend is actually more likely to be the victim of an attack in that scenario. The fact that the attackers are more likely to be men does not affect the likelihood of attack for the op vs her boyfriend.

However whether she is unreasonable to be more afraid is a different questions. Being afraid is no always rational. Both of them would probably be justified in being afraid if they see a strange man on a deserted road acting strangely but likely her boyfriend would have greater cause to be afraid of an attack. However he is also more likely to believe (however erroneously) that he could successfully defend himself so likely to be less scared of any consequences despite the objective fact that he would be more likely to be a victim of an attack than his girlfriend

The question as to whether women are scared of men is a different one than that posed by the op. To that question, yes everyone should be more wary of men than women when worrying about being attacked.

In any case, violent stranger crime is falling so don't worry about it too much op. I would be more worried about the potential for your boyfriend to be aggressive to you, particularly as he is dismissing your fears as laziness. That is not very respectful; and much more potentially dangerous to you in my mind than some tiny risk of a stranger attack

HugsAreMyDrugs

The initial claim I responded to was this

If a man is walking alone at night and he is assaulted, nobody will ask him what he was doing there or tell him he shouldn't have put himself at risk

There was an interesting Twitter feed a while back, which posed the question of what would you do differently, if all men had a 9pm curfew? It was an eye-opener for me, because I realised that I would do things differently. I would walk alone at night, run after dark with headphones in, wear whatever I wanted to the pub, without worrying about 'signals'. The fear isn't of men, it's more to do with the fact that if we break the rules and something happens to us, then it is our fault. Were you drunk? Were you alone at night? Were you dressed inappropriately? We are taught that men are dangerous. This is taken to be a fact. Rather like if you wandered into a tigers cage and got mauled, you wouldn't blame the tiger.

I didn't think I was scared of men either. But I would act differently, if I knew they all had a 9pm curfew.

I don't feel unsafe around men. I walk around at night on my own. I'm cautious, I guess, if I'm aware of someone approaching me when I'm alone but not especially scared.

I was attacked by a stranger when a teen and was jittery for a long time but made a conscious choice to not live my life in fear. I just wasn't prepared to give my attacker that.

I do adapt my behaviour and if that means I have a 'victim mentality', whatever insulting bollocks is meant by that, so be it. I've lived in some pretty dodgy places - one was the murder capital of my county for a few years while I lived there, which included a number of street murders and also a string of rapes carried out by a taxi driver - and there are roads I won't walk down in the dark. In fact I'll avoid walking alone late at night full stop if I possibly can, but I have disability/mobility issues which means I limp when tired (which I'm likely to be late at night) and so am immediately marked out as more vulnerable. When I am out and about I wouldn't say I was necessarily fearful, but I am very aware of my surroundings and I do that automatic risk assessment which most men just don't seem to have to think about.

As a child I was followed by a stranger, flashed at by a (different) stranger and sexually assaulted by some older boys I knew only by sight. I've been groped by strangers in pubs and on public transport, catcalled in the street and once, while minding my own business waiting for my mother outside a cafe, had a man stop in front of me and ask how much for a blowjob. (I was wearing a fucking trouser suit and no make up, so not exactly dressed like your stereotypical street sex worker.) Of course I've never reported any of these occurrences because what's the point? When 98% of actual rapes reported aren't prosecuted, the comparatively 'mild' offences of which I've been on the receiving end aren't going to go anywhere so why put myself through it? I've supported friends through rapes, serious sexual assaults - the most recent one by a male stranger, when she had the temerity to go to the loo in a pub on her own - and heard their similar experiences of the same sort of low level harassment and assault as my own. From men as a class towards women as a class it's fucking relentless and exhausting, and if you've been exposed to it (no pun intended) it can't help but have an effect on how you view the world, no matter how much your rational brain tells you stranger danger is statistically low risk.

I think it probably depends on your experiences. I was followed home one night. Fortunately when I freaked out he ran off. But that has made me wary ever since and I definitely never go out at night on my own anymore

I think we have been brought up to be more aware of the dangers, yes. Your boyfriend seems a bit insensitive. My dh is more paranoid than I am and hates me going anywhere alone at night, however safe.

It would really depend on where. Not the area near my house or somewhere very busy (eg central London) but I definitely wouldn’t want to go anywhere secluded or into alleyways etc.

For pretty much any woman, the absolute best, most reliable and safest, most effective form of defence would be to learn how break any "freeze" and sprint away from a situation

That is the main thing we learned in my self-defense classes.

I think statistics can be a bit missleading. Young men are more likely to be victims of violence but are there more men out alone than women? are women more likely to drive or take a cab/public transport. Are women less likely to hang around on the streets socialising? Are women more likely to travel in groups? etc

As has already been mentioned, men are more at risk of being attacked in public than women. Most attacks on women are from people they know - very often partners or ex-partners - and take place in the home or other ostensibly 'safe' places.

So personally I don't feel at risk going out at night alone. Obviously I wouldn't stroll around a rough part of town alone in the middle of the night, but neither would most men. I don't live in fear, and neither do the women I know.

I am very wary. I am on alert and am aware of it at all times. I’ve been assaulted but never by a stranger
If I am in a group I still feel alert but much less so
I live in an area that is relatively safe at night but I still would be wary

Also the whole 'women usually attacked by someone they know' its not really a surprise is it that your more likely to be attacked by someone you see regularly than a chance encounter with a stranger. Doesn't negate individual risk.

Absolutely LivingDead not to mention that, in almost all cases, the person they know is a bloody man!

Also the whole 'women usually attacked by someone they know' its not really a surprise is it that your more likely to be attacked by someone you see regularly than a chance encounter with a stranger. Doesn't negate individual risk.

It doesn't negate risk but it puts it into persective.

Random attacks on women in public places are actually quite rare, though obviously they do happen. Unless you live in a dodgy area, it's unlikely you have anything much to fear about walking to the shops at night.

I find the posts from those saying "I live in a safe area" and "it's mostly violence from people the woman know" and "I wouldn't go in a rough are after dark" annoying if I'm honest.

I am not "frightened " of men like my grandson is frightened of swimming and balloons- but I am very very wary.

The young women I referred to earlier- both were viciously attacked in broad daylight, one in a busy car park the other on a side street, in a busy area. Both within 200 yards of each other in a "naice" country market town.
My DD, after a works night out, was the last one to be dropped off by the taxi home, pre booked btw. The male driver turned the meter off and took the long way home, then demanded extra money- she says she was afraid and she jumped out and run when they got home. And no, she's not some delicate shrinking violet!

I find the posts from those saying "I live in a safe area" and "it's mostly violence from people the woman know" and "I wouldn't go in a rough are after dark" annoying if I'm honest.

But if that's how people feel, and they have no reason to feel otherwise, why should it be annoying? Does everyone have to share your perspective?

Nothing is risk-free. Yes, women can be and are attacked in posh areas. Nobody is claiming otherwise. That doesn't mean we all have to go around being afraid. I'm not saying those who are more wary are being unreasonable, but I don't see how it's 'annoying' that others have different experiences or evaluations of risk to you.

People have told me many times: 'don't walk home at this time, don't walk through that park, don't walk around town' etc etc. and it makes me angry that women have to think this way. I don't see why I should have to pay for a taxi when I could just walk home, also I like to be outside and by myself etc. But yes that is always that slight fear of a sexual assault which I don't think men have and that's why they can't exactly understand it. As an aside, the only time I've come near to being attached was by a group of teenage girls (when I was a teen myself). However, I have experiences lots of creepy man comments etc. as I am sure most women have. The Twitter post a PP mentioned about what we'd do if men disappeared for 24 hrs; I'd probably go dancing for hours with other women with no fear of men trying to touch you or grind on you

@IcedPurple but how does it put ot into perspective without context? If 1 woman is attacked in a week but 2 men thats only comparable if there are the same number of men and women out in the same circumstances. If there are 10 times more men out alone then its not really as reassuring is it?

If there are 10 times more men out alone then its not really as reassuring is it?

Are there though?

And what are these 'circumstances'? Walking to the corner shop at 8 in the evening?

I feel uneasy when out and about alone at night but would be ok with a trip to the corner shop. Not sure about walking home from town.

I was once walking in quiet woodland when I saw a van there which wasn’t usually there. Really freaked out. Turned out to be nothing sinister, maintenance guys doing chopping but later retold this story to hubby and male friend. They just didn’t get it! Thought my reaction to be so freaked out was weird - definitely a male privilege to not get “that” feeling!