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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a secret - multiple marriages

202 replies

EltonHoratio · 29/06/2019 11:37

I’m a regular poster under a different name. I have a secret and I’d like your opinions. I’ve been married 4 times. Obviously some people know my secret, but as the first 2 marriages were pre social media and a long time ago, most people think I’ve been married twice and I don’t correct them. DH knows the truth.

Some may think it was gold digging, quite the opposite, all were skint, all left me i debt. I’ve managed to have a nice life through my own hard work.

No children. Only DH has children from a previous relationship.

Do you judge me? What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 29/06/2019 11:38

It's no one else's business.

AnyFucker · 29/06/2019 11:40

I don't care

FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/06/2019 11:40

I wouldn't judge you in a negative way; none of your life choices impact on me enough for me to do that. Do you think people would judge you negatively if they knew?

goodfornothinggnome · 29/06/2019 11:40

Why do you think its anyone elses business.
My one thought, and I always think it when people have been married multiple times, but how do people ever find 2/3/4 people who want to marry them? It was hard to find just the one.

MRex · 29/06/2019 11:42

Why would anyone care? I mean obviously it shows you had poor judgement, but if you and your exes were the only people affected then I'm not sure why anyone else's opinion matters.

Alsohuman · 29/06/2019 11:43

I don’t make a big point of my three marriages, the second only lasted six months before he cheated so I don’t really count it. The number of marriages I’ve had is nothing to do with anyone else.

PeonyPink0 · 29/06/2019 11:43

Why would anyone care?

MrsMozartMkII · 29/06/2019 11:43

Nowt to do with me.

If I had to think about it I'd probably just hope you're happy and that it lasts for you.

LizzieBananas · 29/06/2019 11:43

As long as there was no bigamy (which I thought your title meant), I wouldn’t bat an eyelid...

VivienneHolt · 29/06/2019 11:43

I wouldn’t judge you, it’s nobody’s business. I think it’s good your husband knows just because I don’t think big secrets of any kind are healthy in a marriage but otherwise I think it’s just your business.

Original poster
EltonHoratio · 29/06/2019 11:44

DH is a lot more conservative than me, he’s been married before but has lead a fairly sheltered life whereas mine has been a little bit more colourful shall we call it?

He doesn’t want people to know, including his parents and children. I’ve never really questioned that until now.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 29/06/2019 11:46

I've been married three times, I don't judge. Most people think this is my second marriage.

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2019 11:46

The only people whose business this is is anyone you are married to, or whom you are thinking of marrying in future. I expect any friends and family who've attended all 4 weddings may be a little jaded if another invite drops on their doormat but beyond that why would anybody care.

Original poster
EltonHoratio · 29/06/2019 11:46

Thanks all, no bigamy involved 🤣 but having been through the registering for marriage process whilst divorced three times I have thought it would be very easy, another thread for another day.

OP posts:
stillworkingitout · 29/06/2019 11:48

Maybe he’s more concerned about how being fourth might reflect on him in their eyes. Perhaps they are the judgemental ones. Being married four times could make them think that you’re any number of things from impulsive, to being a poor judge of character, to being unwilling to work at a marriage. It isn’t relevant to anyone but you and him so I don’t see why anyone else needs to know.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 29/06/2019 11:49

I am also on dh number 4... No one else's business imo.

BeanBag7 · 29/06/2019 11:50

As long as your DH knows I dont think there's a problem with it. I would probably judge someone who had children with 4 different people though, I think because it would affect the kids so it's more selfish. Being married doesnt affect anyone else (except the spouse) so I think it's more acceptable.

Ponoka7 · 29/06/2019 11:50

I wouldn't give it a second thought.

However if my Parent etc married someone quickly, who got into three other marriages quickly, i would hold back before considering them a full part of my life.

Your situation may be different.

How long have you been married?

midgeland · 29/06/2019 11:51

I wouldn't judge negatively since you've confirmed it was one a time Grin

As I am quite nosy I would (or in fact I do!) wonder how that came about though - I've only ever found the one person I liked enough to marry and I can't imagine anyone queuing up to marry me either!

babysharkah · 29/06/2019 11:52

If he didn't like it he shouldn't have married you. I couldn't care less!

midgeland · 29/06/2019 11:52

One at a time that should say...

DisputedChair · 29/06/2019 11:54

If you told me, as someone who was with my partner for over 20 years before marrying him, I'd primarily be interested in why you kept marrying them all the time. It never seems like an obvious thing to do to me.

Rockbird · 29/06/2019 11:55

I wouldn't care only to wonder how you could be arsed Grin. I really couldn't see myself going to all that bother a second time even. I'd just get more cats.

TheManThatLovesJustice · 29/06/2019 11:57

This reply has been deleted

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Looobyloo · 29/06/2019 11:57

My mums been married three times. First husband was an addictive gambler, second made and sold his own drugs, ended up in prison, in the local papers and we used to visit him in prison. Third husband a Christian. Noone judges her maybe at the time they did but not anymore. She's such a lovely person who made some big mistakes!