I have a secret - multiple marriages

[EltonHoratio]

I’m a regular poster under a different name. I have a secret and I’d like your opinions. I’ve been married 4 times. Obviously some people know my secret, but as the first 2 marriages were pre social media and a long time ago, most people think I’ve been married twice and I don’t correct them. DH knows the truth.

Some may think it was gold digging, quite the opposite, all were skint, all left me i debt. I’ve managed to have a nice life through my own hard work.

No children. Only DH has children from a previous relationship.

Do you judge me? What are your thoughts?

I'm on my second marriage and have lived with someone as well.
So what? Better than staying in a relationship you aren't happy in.
As others have said who cares what people think? You never know what goes on in other people's relationships. Crack on I say.

@Yellowpantspanda Exactly. My gran was widowed 4 times, divorced once.

@TanMateix That's what's commonly known as "arsing about".

There’s no way to win, @DilliDingDillyDong, I bet someone soon comes in asking if after your grandma was widowed 4 times, you didn’t become suspicious.

We have far too much time on our hands...

But I see your point, people have several marriages and immediately assume the worse when it could be due to death, or other very reasonable factors.

@TanMateix I was genuinely considering adding that info, but thought I'd leave it... gives me an excuse to get on my high horse and list their various illnesses when the inevitable happens. Ballsed that up now though.

I'm bored out of me skull on my day off.

I would ask why you even bothered to get married a 4th time? I would not even get married a second time.

It makes a bit of a mockery of marriage doesn't it? "Till death do us part" or not as the case may be

Tbh, I think my initial reaction would be that you were either unreliable yourself, or a rather poor judge of character. I wouldn't take particularly seriously any statements that it was different this time around, as you have no way of knowing that. However, if you and your dh seemed happy together and I liked you, I wouldn't be bothered one way or the other - it's your life to live.

Crikey, I can't find one person to marry me, let alone four.

I'm sure a psychotherapist would want you to think about why you've had so many marriages, but it's not really anyone's business (apart from your husband's, to some extent).

After the first 3 failed you felt the need to get married. Again. For the 4th time

Seriously? Yeah i would judge. Not by the amount of life partners, but just the fact that you are treating marriage like a bit of a joke. I can imagine your dh4 is not keen telling his family/kids. Couldn't you (if in his position)?

What’s that saying? “What other people think of you is none of your business”.

Seriously though, I’ve only been married once (so far, I’m still married to the same person but who knows). The way I see it is that I had lots of relationships that could have and nearly did end in marriage but didn’t and wouldn’t have worked. The only difference between you and I is a few bits of paper. I don’t judge because life is complicated and who knows what goes on in other people’s lives.

My DM and DF have been married 54 years and my DM always says there’s a huge amount of luck in staying married that long and I think that’s probably true.

Kevin Clifton (strictly come dancing) has been married and divorced 3 times before 35 years old but a lot of people seem to judge him for it! They're rumours he's engaged to Stacey Dooley and I've seen comments along the lines of "ooh...Stacey better be careful. Married and divorced 3 times by the age of 35 isn't good". Is there a different view for men who have been divorced multiple times compared to women?

I wouldn't judge friends or family for being divorced multiple times but I would be wary if a potential partner told me they had multiple divorces behind them.

Not at all. My Aunt has had 4 DH. First one DV second one was a nice guy but a reaction to the DV third one died and forth is still on the go. I always used to think she was exotic as a child 😆

My father-in-law married his second wife when they were both in their mid-50's. After she upset him very badly one day, while he and I were alone he broke down crying about what she'd done to upset him and then confessed she'd been married 5 times and he didn't want the rest of the family to know.

They believed her first husband was a wicked man and she had to divorce him and the second one died. I kept his secret btw.

When she died in her late 80's (about 15 yrs ago) her kids wrote a detailed obituary listing all the husbands, which they had published in the local very conservative very small town newspaper. Her adult children had always lived a thousand + miles away from here btw.

I don't know what the locals thought but I remember my sister-in-law being amused and saying something funny about Hollywood actresses. Nobody gave a damn. If anything I was impressed.

I

It's no-one business and I'm always amazed at people who live worrying about others judging on things like this (I'm thinking of your DH not you).

I was married and separated but with a long term partner because I can't afford to get divorced at the moment. I get a few comments about that and I generally say if they'd like to pay for my divorce that's fine.

My uncle married and divorced the same woman twice and then married and divorced two others...i did judge him but purely on the basis he was a giant twunt, nothing to do with his marriages.

I'm not sure if judge is exactly the right word but I'm probably think 4-that's a lot.

But as they say, those who mind don't matter & those matter don't mind.

This is my 2nd marriage (1st husband cheated) & MIL was horrified to discover that I'd been married before.

As I said-those who mind...

I would think you rush to marriage and rush to leave it. I wouldnt personally care, though I probably wouldnt be too happy at someone in my close family marrying someone who has been married multiple times. I'm not sure I see the point after 2 to be honest. Why not just live with someone?

Friend of ours was married 7 times. I think 4 of those times her h died but I actually can't remember because it doesn't matter.

At worst, I suppose you might have felt sad for her that she had such bad luck with men (she died some years ago now), or because something must have happened to her to make her need to be married. Strangely, she was one of the most independent women I've ever met, a real moverr and shaker if you like. She was a Local Councillor for years, and was brilliant in that role.

I would wonder if you had no staying power, very high expectations or were a bad judge of character, or perhaps jumped in too soon before thinking it through. Difficult to live with? That's all. If you're a nice person, you're a nice person and that's the most important thing.

I hope you’re happy now op.

I'd think you loved being married! I've a friend who has been married three times. When he falls in love he gets married.
It's nice body else's business

Someone mentioned the repeat wedding invitations - the only people who have attended all three of my weddings (except me) are my parents.

Same for a family member. We just want her to be happy. How many times she gets married is up to her and I can't see any issue with it.

I think staying in an unhealthy relationship is far worse than moving on when a relationship is not working. My relative has no children so of course this makes things much more straightforward.

Someone mentioned the repeat wedding invitations - the only people who have attended all three of my weddings (except me) are my parents.

But it's not unheard of to have close friend you have known for years, which would be invited to all the weddings.

I have known my best friend since I was 15