AIBU over what DC call their grandparents?

[AmericasDonkey]

I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, and a DC with my current partner. He also has a DC from a previous relationship.

My eldest DC call their grandmothers Nana and Grandma. My partner’s DC calls both their grandmothers Nanny (obviously this includes MIL). When I was pregnant, I said I didn’t want the baby to call MIL Nanny. Her other grandchildren call her Grandma, and I’d have liked our DC to do the same. I find the term Nanny a bit too cutesy. I know lots of people love it, it’s just not for me!

My partner has completely ignored my wishes and insists that MIL is Nanny. Our DC is starting to talk and I’m dreading when they’ll start calling MIL Nanny because that’s what my partner has taught them. AIBU?

I'm afraid I think YABU

I agree with you in not personally liking the name Nanny, but it is your partner's Mum, so I can't help but feel he has more of a say than you do in this instance.

YABU. It's better for siblings to call her the same name IMO and surely it's up to your partner and his mum?

What does it matter, really? In the end it'll be between the grandmother and the children - you can't force a name on a child who doesn't want to use it.

All my cousins called my dad's mum Nanny, and that's what she called herself to me, but as soon as I was old enough to express myself I called her Granny Chips. Once that was what I'd decided, there was no dissuading me. My friend called her grandmother Grannymums. Looking back, I like that they were unique names made by the grandchildren.

Isn't it usual for grandparents to choose their name? I would not have appreciated being told I must be "nanny" when my preference is "granny", and I guess "nannies" feel the same about being "grannies".

They would copy siblings anyway.

Does it really matter?

Surely the two people who have a say is the grandmother and the relevant child?

Though I suspect rather than a matter of "cutesy" this is a class question: ime w/c families have a tendency to use Nanny and m/c and u/c families prefer Grandma (possibly because at least in the u/c and historically in the m/c Nanny was needed for another relationship).

Yabu, surely it’s for the grandparent to decide what they are called, not you? It seems like a weird and unfair thing for you to be controlling over.

I struggle to see why you care about this- it’s not your name to pick? It’s not offensive or too close to Mummy, which are the only reasons I’d have an objection.

If it’s a case of you just not liking the word, YABU. I don’t like the word moist but I can’t stop my family using it

YABVU

You're dreading it? Seriously?

Stop being so controlling and chill out.

You’re right, grandparents should choose what they are called. My mum and ex-MIL both chose what they wanted to be called. MIL didn’t get a choice, my partner’s ex did that for her.

Chill out!

Both of my nans were nanny whilst I was growing up. They are nan now

My dc call them nanny even though they are great nanny

Yes, seriously! And I’m really laidback 90% of the time, this just gets my goat!

I knew my maternal grandmother as granny and paternal as nana so I thought I’d follow suit but first born dc couldn’t say granny so she is Nanny. His 2 sisters also use this now so just let it happen naturally.

My PIL wanted granddad to be called Pops. Over my dead body!!

Yes, seriously! And I’m really laidback 90% of the time, this just gets my goat!

Aye, but is this really a hill to die on?

Because there’s no way of spinning “Please choose another grandparent name, as I don’t like the one you’ve picked despite it being commonly used” without you looking like a bit of a nutter.

Meh it's neither here nor there.
Fwiw my dc call their nans nanny and their great nans nana.

I dislike nanna and nanny but think you have to pick your battles with this one and admit defeat. With this many different parents and grandparents in the mix I would not insist on it.

YABU, sorry.

I think it should be up to your MIL to decide how she is addressed. As long as she isn't one of these barking Mumsnet MILs who wants to be called Mummy.

You'll seem like a proper Hyacinth Bucket if you start trying to control what name your child uses to refer to her grandmother. Has your MIL expressed a preference for Nanny or Grandma?

Ask MIL, frame it as "would you like to be called Grandma by DC the same as x and y call you, or would you like to be known by a different name?" You might find when asked if she wants the same name or a different one, she'd prefer all the dgc to be the same.

I dont think yabu in not liking the name nanny. I don't like it,but MIL insisted. I wanted her to be Grandma, but she wanted nanny, so here we are with her being nanny. It's her choice, not yours.
nanny always makes me think of a goat, not a person

I'd be extremely pissed off if my DIL decided what my name would be. I asked my 2DCs grandparents what they would like to be called. We have Granny, Nana, Grandad, Grandpop and Grandma Kate.

YABU.