AIBU over what DC call their grandparents?

[AmericasDonkey]

I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, and a DC with my current partner. He also has a DC from a previous relationship.

My eldest DC call their grandmothers Nana and Grandma. My partner’s DC calls both their grandmothers Nanny (obviously this includes MIL). When I was pregnant, I said I didn’t want the baby to call MIL Nanny. Her other grandchildren call her Grandma, and I’d have liked our DC to do the same. I find the term Nanny a bit too cutesy. I know lots of people love it, it’s just not for me!

My partner has completely ignored my wishes and insists that MIL is Nanny. Our DC is starting to talk and I’m dreading when they’ll start calling MIL Nanny because that’s what my partner has taught them. AIBU?

Not your decision, yabu

I prefer Granny or Grandma, but it's not up to you as you won't be called it. You get to name the baby, not the grandparents. When you become a grandparent you can decide what you prefer.

I don't see how it's any more cutesy than nana. Also, presumably your child will, at some point, call you mummy. It's definitely no different to mummy.

It's what a baby / young child will call their grandparent. Does it really matter if it's cutesy? Surely if there's ever a time for cutesy, this is it?

bNanny's are paid, grandmothers are relativesb

Well my wonderful, sadly departed, Nannie definitely wasn't. This may make me lower class in your opinion but at least I know how and where an apostrophe is used.

Hilarious.

My oldest settled on 'nana', we think from the dog in Peter Pan, alongside 'banana'. He was the first grandchild in the family and the preference was that he drove the process.

There's a lot about this whole grandparental naming system that I confess I find baffling: such as how there should be a 'Grandma' and a 'Nana' in each family rather than two 'grandmas' in case the DC get confused (they won't). I always had two grandads, not a 'grandad' and a 'grandpa', and managed to cope okay. I do agree 'Nanny' sounds like a goat but hey, if that's her preference ...

I'd defer to the grandparents' decision to use whatever term of address they like, provided it makes a clear distinction between who is the parent and who is grandparent. 'Mama', for example, is never going to be acceptable, and I can't think of any reasons to want to use this name other than boundary-stamping of an inappropriate degree.

'Nanny' is naff but harmless. I'd be inclined to let this one slide, OP.

This is entirely for the grandmother to decide. If she doesn't care one way or the other, then it would make sense for the siblings to use the same name.
What their cousins use is irrelevant.

Nanna is usually used by working class and granny by middle and upper classes.

This. A lot of wrangling about grandparent names is about social class.

Also, I once had a student who completely misread a key episode in a novel set among the English upper classes pre-WWI because she thought the 'Nanny' who looked after the younger children in the nursery was their grandmother. Why she thought these aristocratic children's grandmother wore a servant's black dress and apron, had a Cockney accent and slept in a cubby-hole off the nursery I never understood, though.

This thread makes me giggle.

If my mother knocks on the front door now, do I have to send her round to the tradesman’s entrance as befits her lower class nanny-ness?

I don't like 'Nanny' either; our DDs' grandmothers are 'Granny' and 'Grandma'. But it's up to your MIL what she wants to be called.

I also agree with PPs that this is partly down to social class.

Definitely, Bananas. If you haven't got a tradesman's entrance, make one immediately.

I would never even have considered telli g my children what to call their grandparents

Well, well. Grandparent names have rigid class conventions? I’m in my 60’s and no-one told my grandmothers that. I suppose ‘exceptions’ and ‘rules’ are at work.

I'm torn

according to this thread I'm so lower/working class because our family have always used the term Nanny for our grandmothers yet on another thread about cleaning standards I am berated for being oh so middle class

Sadly my Victorian terrace does not have the capacity to install a tradesmans entrance for the grandparent in question but we do have a shed we can make her sleep in when she comes to stay.

I think the class rules work one way and not the other. Middle and lower middle and working class people use whatever name they like. Upper middle and upper class people use either Granny or some charming/ hilarious nickname “invented” by a child. Or derived from a foreign language. It’s very restricting being posh!

Nanna is usually used by working class and granny by middle and upper classes
No it isn't.
Possibly grandmother for MC and UC.
It depends on the area.
It is more regional than class.
DP from NI uses granny, our DC also call MIL Granny.
I use Nanny, same as lots of people in Dublin our DC call my mammy Nanny.

I hate this British preoccupation with 'class'. Inverted commas deliberate, as it's a nebulous concept that I'm sure has no existence outside people's heads. It certainly seems to bear little concession to economic status.

My American and continental friends scratch their heads in bewilderment over this, and I can't say I blame them. It's one facet of being British I could personally well do without.

“Possibly grandmother for MC and UC.
It depends on the area.”

Not when it comes to social class it doesn’t. It’s all bollocks, obviously. But may as well get it right. The Queen, for example, would not be anything but Granny. Unless there is a family nickname used.

Eugh ! 'Nanny' makes my teeth itch. Reminds me of a lady in a starched apron who looks after little Lord Fauntleroy. Or a really noisy female goat..

Where did 'nanny' even come from for Grandmothers? Nanny is someone paid to look after someone else's children. It makes no sense.

We have

Granny
Grandma
Carper (nickname bestowed by eldest GC)
Pops

I don't like nanny either but I think this one is out of your control really, it's going to end up as whatever your children feel most comfortable using and if nanny is already established as the term by the other GCs then I think it will hard work to swim against that tide.

My nieces and nephews call their grandma (my MIL) a really stupid name that started when the oldest was a baby and couldn't pronounce "grandma" correctly and came out with a completely different, silly sounding noise (I won't say what it is as it's unusual and definitely outing). Everyone thought it was super cute and so it stuck as the name for their grandma but now they're heading towards their teens it sounds unbelievably weird and cringeworthy that they still use it. None of my business of course but it's like nails down a chalkboard for me. There are worse terms than nanny!

as it's a nebulous concept that I'm sure has no existence outside people's heads. It certainly seems to bear little concession to economic status.

You're misunderstanding the class system entirely if you think it's purely economic. I'm not from the UK, and the extent to which class is still an active force is, I agree, deeply depressing, but it's certainly still alive and kicking.

Look at the dogged devotion to the ridiculous anachronism that is the royal family, and the class-based vitriol poured out on middle-class women marrying in. Look at the Tory leadership contest, in which craven forelock-tugging and the association of backgrounds, eccentricities, accents and privilege like Boris Johnson's with a nostalgic past version of Englishness is in full play. Do you think Boris Johnson would be in the position he is in if he were working-class? Do you think a working-class version of Jacob Rees-Mogg could exist? Quite a lot of English people still seem to roll over and want their tummies tickled by a certain kind of posh, authoritative man.

YABU, you sound like my DP. He hates the fact my DC call their grandmother Nanna and doesn’t want our DC to do that. My Mum hates Granny or Grandma, it makes her feel old so I’m respecting her wishes.

Oh and I called my DGM Nanna, we’re a middle class family. Again, my DGM thought Grandma sounded too old.

I thought it was normal for children to bestow affectionate names upon their grandparents? Sometimes the names are very common; sometimes the names are very whimsical.

FWIW, I will always think of "nanny" as a job title despite the fact that I've read the Discworld novels. (Someone mentioned the Nanny Ogg character earlier. There's only one Nanny Ogg but there are lots of families who hire nannies.)