AIBU over what DC call their grandparents?

[AmericasDonkey]

I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, and a DC with my current partner. He also has a DC from a previous relationship.

My eldest DC call their grandmothers Nana and Grandma. My partner’s DC calls both their grandmothers Nanny (obviously this includes MIL). When I was pregnant, I said I didn’t want the baby to call MIL Nanny. Her other grandchildren call her Grandma, and I’d have liked our DC to do the same. I find the term Nanny a bit too cutesy. I know lots of people love it, it’s just not for me!

My partner has completely ignored my wishes and insists that MIL is Nanny. Our DC is starting to talk and I’m dreading when they’ll start calling MIL Nanny because that’s what my partner has taught them. AIBU?

I think Nanny is partly regional too. I almost never heard it when I lived in London but it seems to be the norm in the Midlands. I teach secondary English and remember an unseen prose extract in an exam which relied on the kids understanding 'nanny' in the sense of a paid employee and not of a grandparent, which most of them didn't.

Yes, seriously! And I’m really laidback 90% of the time, this just gets my goat! Nice pun OP! But YABU and a control freak. Surely what your DC calls DGM is a matter between the 2 of them only.

I don't mind any grandparent name really but my god does Granny make me get a bit of vomit in my mouth. I also feel its up to the grandparent what they want to be called --as long as its not Granny

@Hollowvictory
Yes really. Nannies is the plural of nanny.

I think you missed a point or two...

I almost never heard it when I lived in London

It's very London. But that will just encourage the snobs who think it's terribly lower-class.

We asked my mother and mother-in-law what they wanted to be called. They both chose 'Granny'. When we talked about them we distinguished by location, so 'Granny in Bristol' and 'Granny in Brighton' (but different towns).

My step-mother also preferred ' Granny' and for her we used the same formula that my sister's children used: 'Granny Jane'.

My father didn't get a choice. We told him that he was going to be Grandad which is what he was to all his other grandchildren. My father in law didn't mind, so he became Grandpa.

My PIL tried to pick names that were different than the other grandparents as we had two babies due at the same time but SIL and my parents were already grandparents. We naturally all assumed the children would use the same names as their cousins. Until SIL's ----incredibly narcissistic DM tried to firstly be ridiculous with Grandmother and then tried to take the name that she knew MIL had just picked. Meanwhile FIL was told off by MIL because he wanted to be unusual and she thinks he should be confined to the standard options. Anyway, the 6 of them all got unique names eventually. While it's tricky sorting it out and you can have opinions you really do need to let the grandparents make the decisions on this one. (I do think siblings should all have the same name for a grandparent though, you don't want to emphasise the "half" relationship. If MIL doesn't like Nanny either then it's up to her to agree something new with the older children.)

Whoops, strikethrough fail on the incredibly narcissistic. Oh well.

“It's very London. But that will just encourage the snobs who think it's terribly lower-class.“

It’s not snobby to point out that different social classes have different words for things. It is snobby to say that one word is better than another.

I only had one set of Grandparents, they were nanny and grandad.

DDcalls my parents nanny and grandad (or Gandad as she called him when small)

She calls here dads parents Granny,Grandad Lastname and then has ‘The Grans’ which are the great and great great grand mothers.

Both grand mothers would hate to be called the alternate variations. I wonder if it a regional thing too as we are from London / Irish backgrounds where her paternal family is from the East Mids.

It's very London.

Interesting! I found Nan more usual in London.

Grandparent gets to chose! Although both Mil and DM chose grandma initially (and have the same christian name!) I didnt say anything. Was v pleased when my mum changed to Nana.

Imho Nana is young and cool and Grandma has a blue rinse and walking stick. Glamma is AWFUL (youre obviously old enough to be a grandparent just deal with it!) But i still wouldnt insist in anything else.

DC have a grandad and grandpa, the latter always makes me think of an ex goldminer on the US for some.reason

My step grandchildren call me Granny, I was so thrilled when the others wanted Nana or Nanny, I hate them both.

I had a Nanna. She was a horrible violent and manipulative woman - I have scars which attest to her cruelty.

I asked MIL if she would mind not using Nanna. She insisted on Nanna.

It feels like a slap every time I have to use it.

This thread is actually really promoting me to think about it.

Both my grandmothers died before I was born, so I never had the luxury of a grandmother, let alone a decision around what to call one.

DC call MIL Nana, which isn't a choice I'd've made. But it does sound really comforting now.

Grandma sounds quit stand-offish to me. Granny, Nana and Nanny Sound OK.

@inthelineofduty - how unkind

Yabu, it is just a name and considering they are directing it at her, they get to choose. In my culture there are two variations to the name for your maternal gran. I preferred the one I used to call my own maternal gran but my mum said that she felt that word was reserved for her mum only ( the word was nani and she has been dead a good few years). My mum chose to be nano, my ds chooses to call her nanos, rhymes with Thanos.....What can I say!

“OhTheRoses

Nanny's are paid, grandmothers are relatives. I agree with you op. I do think it's a class thing though and you will have to humour it.”

There’s always one wannabe Nancy Mitford

Could be worse, you could be Danish. I like the mum mum and dad mum, but my MIL is Bedstemor, sometimes shortened to Bedste. That translates literally as best mother! Although in mils case, she really is

My apologies, it was a tongue in cheek comment with an absolute howler of an apostrophe - a disgrace to the language.

My MIL is grandma and my mum is Nanny. They chose. If you’d met either you’d agree that was for the best. Doesn’t matter really what they’re called, I’d trust them both with DC’s life and no one loves the DC more and vice versa.

Nanny's are paid, grandmothers are relatives. I agree with you op. I do think it's a class thing though and you will have to humour it.

You win the prize for wankiest comment on MN today.

Though I suspect rather than a matter of "cutesy" this is a class question: ime w/c families have a tendency to use Nanny and m/c and u/c families prefer Grandma (possibly because at least in the u/c and historically in the m/c Nanny was needed for another relationship).

Ummm, nope! I'm from a m/c family and my Mum is a Nanny but then she's a young & trendy "Nanny" in her 50s. She absolutely did not want Granny. Granny just sounds like she should be 90 or something.

YABU - ultimately your child will call their grandparent what they want. If siblings call her Nanny - it makes sense that the youngest child will follow suit. I think it would be really confusing if they used different names.

Personally I've never liked Nanny as it sounds like the hired help but my Dad refers to himself as Poppa, which I think is wierd, so the children call him that. At the end of the day it is their relationship with their grandparent - you can't control everything.

Unicorn you are quite wrong. You are as common as muck