AIBU over what DC call their grandparents?

[AmericasDonkey]

I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, and a DC with my current partner. He also has a DC from a previous relationship.

My eldest DC call their grandmothers Nana and Grandma. My partner’s DC calls both their grandmothers Nanny (obviously this includes MIL). When I was pregnant, I said I didn’t want the baby to call MIL Nanny. Her other grandchildren call her Grandma, and I’d have liked our DC to do the same. I find the term Nanny a bit too cutesy. I know lots of people love it, it’s just not for me!

My partner has completely ignored my wishes and insists that MIL is Nanny. Our DC is starting to talk and I’m dreading when they’ll start calling MIL Nanny because that’s what my partner has taught them. AIBU?

Our grandparents chose themselves what they wanted to be called.

I’ve never understood this thing about what children call a grandparent. Why is it an issue? It’s just names. Why is grandma preferable to nanny? Is it an English thing?

this just gets my goat!

Would that be a nanny goat?

I jest OP, but really, it is up to the grandparent what they want to be called. Therefore, yabu.

I think all the children should refer to her the same tbh.
And I agree it's her choice.
Personally I don't like any other term than nan it nanny to refer to a grandmother. Everyone in my family has only ever used nanny when a child is small and nan when the child is older.
If my children have children I will insist on being nanny when they are young and nan when they are older. Simply because I don't like any other term for it at all.
My mother in law is grandma to ds, personally I hate it but it's what she wants so I went with it as it's her choice. My mum of course is nanny.

I'd be really pissed off if my husband had tried to dictate what my mum was called as a grandparent. I'd listen to him, sure, but I would absolutely expect the final decision to be mine and my mum's. This would be even more the case if I had existing kids calling her by my chosen name. I'd find it utterly bizarre and unnecessarily complicated to refer to her as grandma to one of my kids and nanny to the others. And all in order to pander to a dislike of something based on it being 'cutesy'! You are totally out of order. How would you feel if he did this to you?

I agree Grandma is son standoffish- reminds me of Victorian woman who only saw the GC occasionally whereas Nanny suggests a warm livening woman

Loving

“ Why is grandma preferable to nanny? Is it an English thing?“
Ir’s a class thing.

It's all so subjective. Grandma to me sounds like a rosy cheeked lady with twinkly eyes and grey hair in a bun. She gives squishy and welcoming bosomy hugs.

Grandmama on the other hand sounds very austere and Victorian to me. Not sure I know anyone posh enough to use this one.

I don't know but I'd try to avoid even more marriages, mums, mils, ex partners etc. It all seems rather bothersome.

I come down firmly on the side of Nanny, Granny, Grandmère, Baba, Oma, whatever gets to choose what they get to be called and it is arrogant and controlling of parents to dispute their choice.

And I say that as someone who disliked what MIL chose but have never admitted that before now. (And won't again!)

Yes nanny is lower class. As is nanna, nan or any variant.

Grandparent and grandchild choice...

My DM is a Nana, her choice. My DSF is Grandpa (as far as I'm aware, also DM's choice... ) except DS occasionally decides he's Grandad, and that's fine. DFIL is Grandad, through needing to decide on something, but happy for that to change as his GC get older and might have their own names for him.

My own DGF was Granda to begin with, until I (only GC for many years) decided he was actually Grandad (DGM was always Grandma). I kind of wish I hadn't, Granda is wonderful. Again, their choices, but shaped by GC.

I wouldn't want anybody dictating to me that I can't be Mammy any more, because they prefer Mummy (though I'm usually referred to as such outside of the family, I don't live in a "mammy" geographic area), so I won't do it to GP

I think, unless the grandparent is asking to be called something ridiculous like Glamma (Glam-ma) or Mummy, they should have a choice in what name they’re known as by their grandchildren.

Surely if they’re not the first grandchild then they’ll call the grandparent whatever their siblings or cousins call them? My preference is always grandma, granny’s are old ladies like Red riding hoods granny and my Nan is just my mother’s worst nightmare. She was happy to be anything but a Nan. My children have a grandma and grandpa - never a grandad and a Nana and Papa. That one wasn’t the plan, then oldest grandchild started it and all the others followed.

Nanny and Grandad. I can't stand Granny or Grandma they sound so old fashioned.

@perfectstorm
Nanny's are paid, grandmothers are relative

If one seeks to be a snob, one should probably avoid the grocer's apostrophe. Terribly déclassé mistake, that.

Perfection!

Nanny 0gg

Surely it should be nannies are paid not nanny's. Its nannies in the plural.

@Hollowvictory
Yes nanny is lower class. As is nanna, nan or any variant.

ODFOD

(imagine that said in an RP accent)

Nanny and Grandad. I can't stand Granny or Grandma they sound so old fashioned.

I’m the opposite. Grandad and Nan make me cringe. I can just about deal with Nanny. For me grandma and grandpa are the young versions and granny is proper old lady

Ir’s a class thing.

So English then.

I agree with everyone else that I think you have to let this one go, op. If nothing else, your kids already have a grandma - your ex's mum. Your life is going to be a lot easier if you don't have to say "You're going to see Nanny - I mean, Grandma -" when talking to your partner's two children, and "You're going to see Grandma - no, not your Grandma, I was talking to dc1 -" when talking to your children.
Nanny, Grandma and Nana make life a lot easier. Your DP already has to deal with two grandparents called Nanny. Don't add to the confusion by giving them one grandparent with two different names.

If I called my Nan Grandma she'd have a fit. She thinks it sounds 'too old'
YABU. Grandparents get to choose, not you.

Surely it should be nannies are paid not nanny's. Its nannies in the plural.

Really?