AIBU over what DC call their grandparents?

[AmericasDonkey]

I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, and a DC with my current partner. He also has a DC from a previous relationship.

My eldest DC call their grandmothers Nana and Grandma. My partner’s DC calls both their grandmothers Nanny (obviously this includes MIL). When I was pregnant, I said I didn’t want the baby to call MIL Nanny. Her other grandchildren call her Grandma, and I’d have liked our DC to do the same. I find the term Nanny a bit too cutesy. I know lots of people love it, it’s just not for me!

My partner has completely ignored my wishes and insists that MIL is Nanny. Our DC is starting to talk and I’m dreading when they’ll start calling MIL Nanny because that’s what my partner has taught them. AIBU?

Personally I much prefer nanny to nana, but at the end of the day it isn't worth getting upset over 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think you can expect your partner's children to use different names for a shared grandmother. It's just not practical.

Nanny's are paid, grandmothers are relatives.

I can’t tell which is worse... The grammar or the opinion?

My Mum was so definitely a Gran but down/up the road there were many a Mam and Nan.

In Mum's world it was a class (working with not a penny to our name) thing. She was most definitely not going to be a Nan. It's clearly a cultural thing though isn't it?

Nain and Taid; Nonna, Nanna.

Isn't the first sound a baby learns to form the b b b? It's an easy progression from there to m m m. The rest are more specific muscle and mouth shapes.

It's up to MIL what her grandchildren call her, not you.

Never heard of GP being asked - doesn’t happen round here. They are all nans.

MIL insisted DGS called her Grandma - my kids call her nanny buttons - there’s no confusion. (She has a coat with different coloured buttons at the time)

Nanny's are paid, grandmothers are relatives.

If one seeks to be a snob, one should probably avoid the grocer's apostrophe. Terribly déclassé mistake, that.

I think you should speak to your MIL and ask her what she’d like to be called and just go with that, regardless of whether you or your partner like it.

Your MIL gets to pick. End of.

Surely the grandparents should decide how they would like to be addressed! I really don't think that it's for you to decide. What if, in 30 years time, your Dil insisted that you were called 'Nanny'? It's really such a trivial matter and I think that you have got your knickers a little bit in a twist over this one. Let it go. You'll feel much better for it.

That’s pretty controlling behaviour. You don’t get to choose on this one, sorry.

The OP doesn’t like ‘nanny’ because it’s what her partner’s ex chose for the MIL to be called.

I love the name 'Nanny'. I had one growing up and my mother is one now. That said, my mother had to wipe my tears when, aged 5, I came home from school complaining that all the other children had two grandma's and I didn't have one. Having been bought up watching Mary Poppins, I thought that my Nanny had been hired! In fairness she did used to do the school runs and cook me dinner every day!!

Sorry, I should have said it's all cultural and I was posting about the uk.

There is some evidence that all babies make the same sounds when they're tiny but soon learn the shapes of their own language thus lose that ubiquitous capability very early.

It's obviously advantageous to be able to communicate with one's nearest and dearest as soon as possible.

Its Nanny in our family, Nan when we got older , similar to when you would start switching from mummy to mum. If I'm lucky enough to be a grandmother, I expect I'll be nanny as well. Nothing cutesy about my great-grandmother, grandmother, or me. My mum is a bit softer. We are working class Scousers though

The OP doesn’t like ‘nanny’ because it’s what her partner’s ex chose for the MIL to be called

In the first post she said she didn’t like it as it was too cutesy.

What does she want to be called?

As a kid, my grandparents were Gran & Papa A and Gran & Papa B. When I had DS my mum said she didn't want to be Gran A as it reminded her of her MIL 😆 so she and DH's mum are both Nana.

I was brought up to call my maternal grandmother Mother. My mum had done the same. My great grandma was my Nana and my paternal grandmother was Grandma..

What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

It’s the relationship that matters, not what she’s called.

OP, you're "dreading" hearing your child call their grandmother "Nanny"? Seriously, this is such a non-issue! Save your dread for truly dreadful things!

You’re right, grandparents should choose what they are called. My mum and ex-MIL both chose what they wanted to be called. MIL didn’t get a choice, my partner’s ex did that for her.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but you sound quite snide about your partner's ex here. That's a bit hypocritical, given that you want to choose what your child calls their grandmother. Does resentment of his ex play into this? Dread is a very strong reaction to something so trivial.

The op’s baby already had siblings who call her nanny. Of course the new baby should do the same.

Cringing hard for you, OP.

Find a more worthwhile ditch to die in, and get on with your day.

Yes you are being unreasonable.

^ Cross-posted with Bumblebeebum

I don't understand this really.

You have two kids. Your mum, and your ex-MIL are their grandparents. They are known as Nanna and Grandma.

You now have a new partner and a new MIL. His children called his mother Nanny.

So how do her grandchildren called her Grandma if his child (from previous relationship) calls her Nanny.

Is it that he has siblings, also with kids and they call his mother Grandma? In which case no matter which was you slice it she's going to have two names (grandma from siblings children and nanny from his first marriage). So at that point it makes sense for the two siblings to call her the same name surely?

I am saying this as someone who isn't a big fan of names beginning with Nan.