Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anti porn

168 replies

Fakenametodayhey · 07/06/2019 15:29

Prompted by another thread.
What are opinions on partners watching porn or watching porn yourself?
Seen a few comments where women are upset by husbands watching porn. Do you think its akin to cheating? Very interested

OP posts:
doobydoobydooo · 07/06/2019 15:32

I don't like my husband watching porn . I think it's disrespectful . Why would he feel the need to look at other women if he is satisfied with our sex life

peachgreen · 07/06/2019 15:45

I don't think it's the same as cheating but I do think it can have a detrimental impact on a couple's sex life. I also have moral reservations about large sections of the porn industry and while I do believe that "ethical porn" can exist, I don't think it's possible to consume it without also stumbling over porn that supports and enables the exploitation and subjugation of of women. And I think it's highly addictive and therefore dangerous.

Thankfully for me DH had already reached similar conclusions before he met me, having really struggled with the impact it had on his previous relationship. It wasn't easy for him to give up and didn't happen overnight but he's been "clean" (so to speak!) since we got married and the difference is significant.

blushmelikeyou · 07/06/2019 15:48

Doesn't bother me, I watch it, partner watches it and sometimes we watch it together. We have a healthy sex life even with three kids lol.

If a partner would rather watch porn then sleep with their partner then that would be a problem.

Nickpan · 07/06/2019 15:50

do you think masturbation is akin to cheating?

lucymegan · 07/06/2019 15:52

If dh fancy's a bit and I cba I tell him to fuck off with his phone and sort himself out. I watch it alone too. We're not bothered about each other watching porn.

AriaFitz · 07/06/2019 15:53

You don’t need porn to masturbate. When people say they have an issue with their partner watching porn, it doesn’t mean they have an issue with them masturbating.

I have moral/ethical issues with porn and don’t/wouldn’t use it.

motherheroic · 07/06/2019 15:53

I answered you in the other thread but I'm not jealous, it's the industry.

Most of the women are seen as disposable the moment she says no to something the director wants. The average length of a porn career for women is something like 3 months.

And the amount of teenage girls they sign up knowing they won't last the month, yet it will follow them for the rest of their lives.

If I ever feel like going back to watching porn I will read/watch interviews about those who have left and why.

On the plus side all it takes is a make out scene on TV and I'm ready to go!

rebecca102 · 07/06/2019 15:55

Its a no in my house.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 07/06/2019 15:56

Most of the women are seen as disposable the moment she says no to something the director wants. The average length of a porn career for women is something like 3 months

Source for that?

Bluestitch · 07/06/2019 15:56

OP this was your response to motherheroic on the other thread-

'To be fair ive never thought of the girls as people before'

Can you explain what you mean by this please?

Freddiefox · 07/06/2019 16:01

I think it’s horrendus and having a huge detrimental effect on society.

I think women are seen as objects to pleasure men. Women are not seen as people, rather an object to hurt or abuse, this then filters out into everyday thinking.

BertrandRussell · 07/06/2019 16:03

I don’t think it’s anything like cheating. But I would not want to be with a man who was comfortable participating in the commodification and exploitation of women.

TheAngryLlama · 07/06/2019 16:04

I think we know what’s meant don’t we Bluestitch?
The object and intent of porn is to dehumanise women. And it works. Just like Goebbels’ films of Jews as rats worked. If enabling the abuse of entire groups of people is your objective, that is.

Morgan12 · 07/06/2019 16:06

Don't care.

I watch it.

motherheroic · 07/06/2019 16:07

@Bluestitch No I didn't. Wrong person.

@Didntwanttochangemyname When I get off work I'll post sources and such.

Bluestitch · 07/06/2019 16:09

Yes, good post AngryLlama. I was just quite taken aback to see somebody openly admit they don't view the women in porn as human, I was interested in the explanation they might give.

OP surely the fact that you are saying you dehumanise the women in porn, might give you an insight into why others object to it as an industry?

NunoGoncalves · 07/06/2019 16:10

I agree with pretty much everything peachgreen said. It's not an issue for me re: cheating in the slightest, but it can often be a sex-life issue and sometimes a moral issue too regarding parts of the porn industry.

SilverySurfer · 07/06/2019 16:11

I don't have a partner but wouldn't be massively upset if it was occasional, nor have I ever watched it myself. The only thing I would say is that if it's watched to excess, the man's expectations of kinky porn sex with their partner increases and can lead to problems because a lot of women are not interested (some are presumably).

As an example, I know of a young couple in their early 20s. He has watched so much porn the only sex they have is anal and he can't keep an erection with piv. When it affects a sexual relationship to that extent, obviously it's wrong.

Bluestitch · 07/06/2019 16:11

Sorry motherheroic I think you misread my post. That is what the OP said in response to your post on the other thread.

EnglishRose13 · 07/06/2019 16:13

Doesn't bother me.

TheAngryLlama · 07/06/2019 16:17

It’s interesting that people are so willing to overlook the ethical problems with porn when they probably wouldn’t with other purchases.
It’s good old fashioned selfishness I suppose. But it seems a poor thing to sell your ethics down the river for.

MissConductUS · 07/06/2019 16:20

Explicit representations of sex have been with us since cave painting days and are never going to go away, unless you want to adopt a severe censorship approach like some countries do. I think that cure is worse than the disease.

DH sometimes watches the genuinely amateur stuff and that doesn't bother me. I rather like the odd bit of erotic fiction, so it's not so simple as "porn is bad".

redspider1 · 07/06/2019 16:22

My DH doesn't watch it, says he never has time alone in the house -he doesn't.
I dislike most but have seen some stuff on Bright Desire using more normal bodies and real couples which is preferable to the in your face stuff.

TheAngryLlama · 07/06/2019 16:23

Trouble is most porn is not just about sex is it. There’s some other stuff going on there.
Beats me why we are so desperate to overlook that. Perhaps we just can’t face what it tells us about some of our partners. It’s always been very clear to me - also that men that use porn are generally wastes of space in lots of other ways too (which is not a coincidence).

redspider1 · 07/06/2019 16:24

It's not cheating and neither is masturbation I think it can be used as an arousal tool.