Anti porn

[Fakenametodayhey]

Prompted by another thread.
What are opinions on partners watching porn or watching porn yourself?
Seen a few comments where women are upset by husbands watching porn. Do you think its akin to cheating? Very interested

Didnt think id get such a stromg response to the ethics of porn when most other conversations about most other habits end at ethics with 'well its my choice'
and @peachgreen i actually am interested in others viewpoints and dont have enough people in real life to have a good discussion with.

I will admit that i turn to mumsnet when i want to give my opinion though. So you got me- it most likely came from my desire to talk. But reading responses is fun too

I think it depends where people’s boundaries are. Personally I wouldn’t like DH purposely looking at other women.

For those ok with porn, why is it different from webcam performers? Strip clubs? Wanking to people on Fb?

If DH cheated, I wouldn’t like it - wouldn’t matter if it was with a prostitute, friend, stranger. Though maybe prostitute is worse due to risk of exploitation (though this does not apply to all).

@motherheroic
Again
I never thought of the girls as people
They are actors
Just as johnny depp wasnt actually a pirate.
Or daniel raddcliff wasnt actually a magical orphan who was being abused.

The characters in porn dont even have names half the time.

I admit i usually dont think of the girls back grounds or how they got there.
But if i do end up clicking on something where the girl or boy looks a bit too young then ill just go to a different video.

Its nice that people keep bringing that comment up as i clearly didnt word it properly and it obviously trumps any argument

Well I work in a secondary school and we’ve recently expelled a 14 year old boy for forcing his girlfriend to give him a bj on school property. Apparently she felt compelled to do it because of porn. 2 young lives affected by porn. I know someone whose reception child witnessed another reception child force another reception child give him a bj because lo and behold his older brother had shown him porn.

You can turn a blind eye, and claim it’s all harmless fantasy but porn is fucking up the next generation.

I entered adulthood with online porn being available at the click of a button. I’ve seen all sorts of weird shit, and after this long of it being around I now find it a bit well, “tragic”.

Also im a 'skip ahead to the best part'porn watcher so miss out on faces and only see .... the best part.

@fucket
Well done. You have just sickened me and i reckon I will probably never watch it again. And if i do then I wont be able to carry on because ill be thinking about that comment.

Does showing the little brother count as abuse? It sounds.... fucked up to show a little kid porn

You just wanted to talk about your porn habits really, didn't you.

I believe social services were already involved with family. But becoming a parent and realising I have to protect my children from this filth has made my mind up on porn.

@fakenametodayhey - I guess the important bit is to be on the same page as your partner and to try and access more ‘ethical’ stuff if you can.

If some people don’t like it, that’s also ok - it’s just a preference. Some people are ok with open relationships or polyamory or promiscuity (all different I know, but alternative to the usual monogamous set-up).

@sagrada I'm beginning to suspect you're right. Lots of focus on details. Yuck.

It's never bothered me and I wouldn't consider watching pre-recorded porn cheating. I wouldn't like him watching those live shows where you can interact with women though, that is akin to cheating.

My DH has a low sex drive though and so we hardly ever have sex so I think I would feel a bit upset if I found he was watching porn now rather than have sex with me.

In our younger years we would watch it together quite often.

Not all porn is perfect bodies, type BBW into a search, there are also categories like mature which feature older women and CFNM as well as gay.....the list is endless...as for injuries well sports stars end careers with horrible injuries and get exploited too.

I never thought of the girls as people

It’s baffling to me that you’re willing to admit this as if there’s nothing wrong with it.

“Not all porn is perfect bodies, type BBW into a search, there are also categories like mature which feature older women and CFNM as well as gay....”
Oh goody.

@fucket I work in a secondary school too. I have had so many porn related incidents I wouldnt be able to list them all. Some of the more horrific ones stick in my mind.
Like the time we uncovered a picture exchanging racket after several girls reported that boys were pressuring them to send naked photos and videos of themselves wanking. Turned out, there was a huge group of boys exchanging these videos and pictures to fill up their 'wank banks' (their words). When it was investigated, there were pictures/videos of girls and lots of 'normal' porn. When it was traced back to the source, it turned out the boys who had started the whole 'craze' at my school were involved with a gang who were offering gig tickets in exchange for new pictures and videos. The boys were groomed and exploited just as much as the girls. Porn was the way in which they were groomed - show them what to do, get them to do it. I shudder to think where those pictures of the girls who sent to their boyfriends are now. The boys reduced the girls down to wank fodder. This was taught to them by older males. It had a devestating affect on the year group. Parents and police were involved.
The other horror story involved two year 8 boys who were accessing porn in school on their phones. They both came to me, as white as a sheet, telling me they had done something really bad and didn't know what to do now. After convincing them they could tell me, they handed over a phone. On the phone, they'd opened up youporn and saw a video of a young child. By the time we reported it to the police, the video had been removed and the police said there was very little chance the person who uploaded the video would be caught. My kids were traumatised. So was I.
Then there was the two young kids, happily involved in a consensual relationship. The young man came to seek advice about the 'next step' in their relationship. I thought he was going to tell me he wanted to propose. He actually meant group sex. As that is what you do when you have ticked all of the other 'bases'. He didnt really feel like he wanted to do that and wanted reassurance that it was okay to not want to.
We have stepped up our teaching of sex ed in response to the 'google generations' reliance on porn to educate, but some of their misbeliefs are so ingrained and porn is so accessible, it gets harder and harder to educate them. How are these kids ever going to discover what really turns them on if they fall into the trap of believing that sex in the real world is the same as the sex in porn? It is degrading to women and men. Porn lies, it reduces women to two dimensional sex objects and men to a-moral life support systems for an errect penis.

Fakenametodayhey Watch that video upthread a PP posted about the ex porn star talking about having to keep pausing a group sex shoot so that they can wipe up the blood so it’s not seen on camera. Then tell me it’s the same as an Johnny Depp putting on a wig and some eyeliner. In actual fact I do have major issues with actors being asked to do dangerous things to their body such as losing/gaining weight for a role. But that isn’t what this thread is about.

I’m unhappy in my job at the moment. It doesn’t really fulfil me and I feel a bit trapped. It’s really not the fucking same as being manipulated into having 3 cocks shoved in me at once while holding two more in each hand.

You wonder why people aren’t mentioning gay porn - yes, it’s absolutely awful, and I have major issues in particular with the “daddy/twink” thing and how it glorifies abuse of young people by older men.

However:

1. This thread was started asking about reactions to DP/DHs watching porn, and i’d Hazard a guess that very few of them will be watching gay porn.

2. I am a feminist, which means I centre women’s issues.

No not at all bodies are hyper-sexualised in porn, but ‘normal’ bodies are considered niche. You have to search for pubic hair, postnatal mums, plus size as if it’s some kind of deviant kink. Women - real women - are the ‘other’ because we don’t actually conform to the idea of what ‘women’ is as created by men.

@doxxedfox I don't see ordinary woman on t.v. movies or magazines either.
Do you boycott every movie tv show and magazine...

No because they’re generally not being strangled whilst someone fucks them in the arse. That wasn’t the point. Focus.

As for the ethics. I do what I can. I need to eat and I need to wear clothes. I do not need to exploit women to have an orgasm.

This was my thought entirely after reading ops pathetic immature little speech.

I know sweat shops are not good and are used by many companies, but buying from primark is not the same as watching videos of women being raped for my sexual gratification.

@Firstimpressionsofearth @DoxxedFox

It would be much easier if they just admitted they don't care about the performers (which is why they haven't bothered to watch the videos or documentaries mentioned in previous posts) rather than the massive list of excuses of why they will keep watching.

As a 40 something independent woman, l watch (including lesbian) from time to time but not regularly. I opt for things which depict seemingly normal older people.

I would not dream of trying to dictate to another ADULT what they should or should not watch. At the end of the day it is acting (albeit otrn badly).

Crime/murder dramas can have bad impact too.

I do however have concerns about the way sex is depicted in terms of what can actually give a woman an orgasm and the lack of depictions of cunnilingus. Sacred to some of us.

“Crime/murder dramas can have bad impact too.”

Are the actors in crime/murder dramas frequently trafficked and exploited? Are they physically injured as an intrinsic part of their performance? Do the actors in porn have union representation? Are their employers subject to employment legislation- health and safety, for example?

I would not dream of trying to dictate to another ADULT what they should or should not watch. At the end of the day it is acting

As someone who used to act professionally for a short time, it is absolutely not acting. If I were performing in Kane’s Blasted, I wouldn’t have to cut out a man’s eyes and eat them.

The only acting is women pretending they are not in pain, and pretending they are enjoying what’s being done to them, and pretending they are having orgasms.

Ignoring the realities for porn performers (recounted by countless ex-performers, as demonstrated by the shocking levels of drug abuse in the industry, the injuries sustained, the self harm and suicides, etc etc) just so you can have a slightly quicker / more enjoyable orgasm is deplorable.

The fact that cunnilingus rarely features in mainstream porn is frankly the least of the problems.

I know it's a recognised phenomenon that members of an oppressed group continue to contribute to its oppression....but still, my goodness does some of this thread make for depressing reading.