Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage daughter sleeping with boyfriend

210 replies

Hello9803 · 04/06/2019 21:05

Hello,
I found out at the weekend that my 16 year old daughter had lied to me and spent the night with her 15 year old boyfriend of 4 months. I am furious as she knows I don't want her staying at his or vice versa at this stage of the relationship (if you can call it that) or because of their ages. His parents don't mind but I do. We normally have a very open mother/daughter relationship and have talked generally about contraception, sex, etc, but I can't believe she completely went behind my back and did this. My 21 year old son thinks it's fine and they both think I'm over-reacting. I would be interested in your views!! Thank you

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 04/06/2019 21:07

She’s old enough to get married. If you’ve stipulated you won’t tolerate her having sex then she’ll have to go behind your back.
If she was 14 I’d get it, but 16 is legal.

PinkiOcelot · 04/06/2019 21:07

I don’t think you are over reacting. I would be exactly the same.
There’ll be plenty coming on here saying she’s an adult etc etc. None of your business blah blah.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 04/06/2019 21:10

Yup, she's 16, she's doing nothing wrong

Hiphopopotamous · 04/06/2019 21:10

I'd just be grateful you found out so you can take her to get some reliable contraception

HK2009 · 04/06/2019 21:12

She's 16 and perfectly legal - as long as she respects your wishes and doesn't engage in any activities in your house, I don't think there's really much you can do.

EAIOU · 04/06/2019 21:15

I'd say you got a shock and a half.

Is it maybe because you thought she'd come to you first aside from the fact she lied?

Show no judgement and sort out contraception. Think it's better to have an open mind regardless or shell continue to go behind her back. As long as you've explored the conversation of no pressure/full consent etc then there's nothing more you can do.

Hope you're ok OP!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 04/06/2019 21:15

But the boy is 15. Isn't that a problem? Forgive me if I'm missing something but if the sexes were reversed and it was a 16 yr old boy sleeping with a 15 yr old girl wouldn't everyone find this an issue?
I personally don't - due to what we all got up to as teenagers in the 1970s but usually posters get very upset about underage stuff.

LadyRannaldini · 04/06/2019 21:15

What's the legal aspect of him being only 15? Were it reversed, she 15 and he 16 I doubt there would be so much approval!

Aquamarine1029 · 04/06/2019 21:15

This is not on. She lied to you and she's 16, fgs. Yes, she does have the right to have sex, but she is still being supported by you and lives in your home. Not to mention she is still a CHILD. I'm sick to death of the "she's old enough to marry" bullshit. That fact alone is a deep shame upon our society.

I know you're upset, but you really need to keep it together and repair the lines of communication. If I were you, I would ensure she gets on a very reliable form of birth control immediately. Seriously, don't wait another day. Her having sex is not going to change.

1Raconteur · 04/06/2019 21:16

Everyone is saying she's 16 and it's legal, the boyfriend is 15.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/06/2019 21:17

She is a person, not your property. Sex is not a terrible thing for her to be doing. She also has a right to privacy, at 16, regarding what she chooses to do with her body. So do not do anything punitive.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/06/2019 21:19

Well she shouldn't lie, but if you won't accept it she will.
I'd be ok with it, and was, Dd is 17 now and I'm still fine with it.

Sooverthemill · 04/06/2019 21:19

Technically she's breaking the law but if he is not far short of 16 it's unlikely CPS would do anything. Nonetheless it's your house your rules surely? She shouldn't be lying to you and you need to decide how to deal with it. But honestly, if they want to have sex, they will

Waveysnail · 04/06/2019 21:21

You said you didnt want her staying at his so of course she was going to hide it. Sex at 16 and him 15 not ideal but it is what it is. Make sure she has good contraceptive cover and uses condoms.

avocadochocolate · 04/06/2019 21:25

I don't think there is an issue in law just because the boy is 15, since the girl is only very slightly older and presumably they are both consenting.

OP, as others have said, I would just accept that your DD is going to do it and make sure they are being sensible.

ifoundthebread · 04/06/2019 21:30

There is a lot worse she could be lying about. As long as she is safe and protected I don't see an issue.

stucknoue · 04/06/2019 21:30

She's 16, whilst it's hard to see them growing up you don't get to make all her decisions for her now. We've been through this and it's not easy because your instinct is to protect them yet we have to give them the tools to make decisions for themselves, such as safe sex and the need for consent. Was I happy, not really but I had to accept that she was making her own choices and the fact she told me means that she can approach me for help, she asked me to come with her to get the pill and told the nurse I could stay as she was lectured on using condoms

louisvootin · 04/06/2019 21:31

she may be 16 but the bf is 15 nothing legal about it if u ask me

Mac47 · 04/06/2019 21:32

The lying about staying over is one issue, the sex is another. Did you really think she was going to tell you she was planning to sleep with him? There's having a great relationship with your mum and then things you tell your mates, my mum did not feature on my list of people to discuss that with. Just reiterate the safe sex conversation then bleach your mind and be glad she's in a house doing it, not a park.

Rachie1973 · 04/06/2019 21:36

She’s 16. Why on earth would you expect her to discuss it with you other than in a general sex talk. You just can’t ban her from a legal activity because you don’t want her to do it!

He’s 15, slightly more of a concern but assuming same school year he’ll be 16 within 3 months.

JagerPlease · 04/06/2019 21:36

I wouldn't have a problem with a 16 year old staying with her boyfriend generally, however you may need to have a word with her about the law. Although it unlikely to happen, if there is anything sexual going on between them she's committing a crime and could be charged as such

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 04/06/2019 21:36

There is less than a three year age gap, is within the context of a consenting relationship, the 25 isn't exceptionally vulnerable (unless there's a huge drip feed), and the boy's patents seem unlikely to pursue a complaint with police. The CPS wouldn't touch it.

HomeMadeMadness · 04/06/2019 21:37

The lying about staying over is one thing but what is your actual objection to sleepovers? The likelihood is that she'll be sleeping with him. You definitely want to keep open lines of communication about relationships. Being completely dismissive about her relationships probably won't help. (I'm not saying they'll get married and have kids but there are still real feelings involved in teenage romances).

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 04/06/2019 21:37

Ugh so many typos, 15 year old isn't vulnerable, the parents are unlikely to make a complaint given what the OP stated

MotherHeyho · 04/06/2019 21:40

Her boyfriend cannot legally consent as he is not yet 16. Very unlikely that the police would do anything, but the fact remains he is not legally capable of consenting at the age of 15.

Swipe left for the next trending thread