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Original poster

Teenage daughter sleeping with boyfriend

210 replies

Hello9803 · 04/06/2019 21:05

Hello,
I found out at the weekend that my 16 year old daughter had lied to me and spent the night with her 15 year old boyfriend of 4 months. I am furious as she knows I don't want her staying at his or vice versa at this stage of the relationship (if you can call it that) or because of their ages. His parents don't mind but I do. We normally have a very open mother/daughter relationship and have talked generally about contraception, sex, etc, but I can't believe she completely went behind my back and did this. My 21 year old son thinks it's fine and they both think I'm over-reacting. I would be interested in your views!! Thank you

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 04/06/2019 22:27

Ha, cross post knobblykneesGrin

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 04/06/2019 22:31

@IHaveBrilloHair
Great minds 👍🏻

FannyCann · 04/06/2019 22:33

I'd be annoyed with his parents and make your expectations quite clear to them. It really annoys me how parents of boys often have zero consideration for the girls or what their parents may think. A friend was invited on holiday with her boyfriend's family and they booked a double room at the hotel for them. She said later, it was lucky she had been wanting to sleep with him (her first time). She'd have been in a horrid situation if not.

On the plus side at least he's not several years older which could be much more concerning.

Maybe ask him round. Then mortify your daughter by giving them both a joint contraception lecture. Wink

Absolutepowercorrupts · 04/06/2019 22:34

She hasn't done anything to you, she didn't go behind your back. She just didn't tell you. Please be very careful how you deal with your reactions now, legally she is an adult but I understand that you are concerned. In your eyes she's still your baby and it's hard when they grow up.
The woman who gave birth to me found out that I was having sex when I was 15. Her attitude was appalling, I'll never forget how she treated me, that's why I'll never refer to her as my mother anymore. Ok, I just did!
All you can do is keep the lines of communication open, try not to project your trepidations onto her. Just keep talking and listening to her. Especially listening, it's really important to listen to teenagers.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/06/2019 22:35

Mandatory rape Confused

Honestly, some of the nonsense on here.

callmeadoctor · 04/06/2019 22:36

Ha ha , I realise that but when I was 16, boys in my year were pretty immature! However I was just musing. I love it when discussions like this come up coz everybody comes on here and says that most 16 year olds are having sex, without an iota of proof that the is the case! Love mumsnet!

SoupDragon · 04/06/2019 22:36

He's 15 of course he can consent!!!! He can consent to surgery, medication and any other medical treatment.

But, technically, he can't consent to sex as he is under the age of consent.

I agree that police won't be interested given the ages etc though.

mimibunz · 04/06/2019 22:37

I would discourage her from having sex at 16. I know many children do it at that age but it’s really too young.

Manclife1 · 04/06/2019 22:37

All of you saying the cops wouldn’t be interested early don’t know how it works. She won’t be prosecuted but she’ll be show as a the offender for a sex crime on a police system. Similar to how sexting is dealt with

theconversation.com/sexting-a-modern-crime-that-could-be-on-a-childs-police-record-for-life-91453

Sugarformyhoney · 04/06/2019 22:37

The 15 year old here is technically the issue as it puts your daughter at risk in some respects. Saying that, I don’t think this is a big deal st all. I found out my 15 year old was sexual active and though it’s not what you want to hear it’s not a big deal really armed with contraception and the right information

Sugarformyhoney · 04/06/2019 22:38

The the legalities, the boy can give consent legally over 13. After that it’s based on Fraser competency.

Lonecatwithkitten · 04/06/2019 22:40

I have just recently discovered that my 15 year old is having sex with her 15 year old boyfriend. I am I happy, no, but I am not furious that would serve no purpose other than to breaking down the lines of communication between us.
We have discussed the law, we have discussed consent and I have checked she is using birth control.
Teenagers will have sex whether we as parents like it or not , I certainly did.
What is important is my DD feels like she has an approachable Mum who will listen to her.

Isatis · 04/06/2019 22:41

No, he can't give consent to sex over 13, or indeed at 15. The age of consent to sex is, quite unequivocally, 16.

TriciaH87 · 04/06/2019 22:41

For those saying she's old enough to get married yes she is but he is not. Legally your daughter is having sex with a minor and if the relationship ends he could have her arrested for rape. Because as far as the law is concerned he is not old enough to consent.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/06/2019 22:41

That really will not happen Manclife1

LifeImplosionImminent · 04/06/2019 22:41

what 16 year old girl would go out with a 15 year old boy?

Their birthdays could be just weeks or days apart...

freshstartnewme · 04/06/2019 22:42

if the relationship ends he could have her arrested for rape.

Oh ffs

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/06/2019 22:42

No, he could not have her arrested for rape, given the legal definition of rape, which you clearly don't know.

Manclife1 · 04/06/2019 22:44

@IHaveBrilloHair then perhaps you need to go and read the National Crime Recording Standards that police follow because that’s exactly what will happen.

LagunaBubbles · 04/06/2019 22:45

is mandatory rape, even if he constants, as he isn't old enough by law to consent but because she is 16 she is and even if they were both 15, they could both get done for mandatory rape

What a crock of shit, you mean statutory not mandatory and even then your post is still rubbish! Grin

freshstartnewme · 04/06/2019 22:46

@Manclife1 why have you posted a link to an article about sexting?

Manclife1 · 04/06/2019 22:49

@freshstartnewme Because the principal is the same. Once a crime is disclosed a report MUST be submitted even if the victim doesn’t want to do anything about it and it’s clearly not in the public interest to prosecute. The knock on affect is teens are being left with their names attached to sex crimes and it can be disclosed on DBS checks.

Redhanger · 04/06/2019 22:50

Nothing useful to add but I am following this thread as dreading my children getting to this stage :(

My mum was so sore on me about sex

Sugarformyhoney · 04/06/2019 22:50

The age of consent is 16. Legally however a child over 13 can consent to sex without it being considered rape. That is why children don’t necessarily have their parents contacted re contraception over that age. Fraser competency is how they look at it,

Frazzled2207 · 04/06/2019 22:51

I don't think you can do anything about a 16 yo having sex however I would make sure she knows it's illegal unless both are 16 and that theoretically she could get into trouble.

Also you need to deal with the lying.

But aside from that I would try and be supportive and make sure she is using contraception.