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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 28/05/2019 18:47

Of course you have a right to feel hacked off. You lent money, you can hardly afford for essentials and it seems he didn't really need it.

How long are you together? I would not be able to forget this, his comment about beans on toast seems deliberately cruel.
Has their been other red flags?

lifebegins50 · 28/05/2019 18:48
  • there
ifyouneedmenow · 28/05/2019 18:50

So he's lied ? Did you ask how he can afford to go out if not why not ?

RomanyQueen1 · 28/05/2019 18:51

He's a user, not interested in you, he just needs bailing out.
Why didn't you tell him to fuck off with the beans suggestion and tell him no way was your money paying to take his kids out.
Red flags all over the place here, OP.

IceCreamFace · 28/05/2019 18:52

Yes I'd be pissed off. I would have told him straight up that you can't afford to take your own kids out for meals and you only sent the money thinking it was for essentials and you now want it back.

OldUnit · 28/05/2019 18:52

Yeah. Piss take.

HollowTalk · 28/05/2019 18:53

I agree - he's a user. A selfish, inconsiderate user.

Everyone knows that meals out are the first thing to go if you have no money.

EntirelyAnonymised · 28/05/2019 18:53

You aren’t BU. He was/is a dick with zero emotional intelligence. It could be that the meal was paid for on credit card rather than with available funds, of course, but it was still a dick move.

TixieLix · 28/05/2019 18:53

Did you question him how he was able to take the DCs out if he didn't have enough money to cover his DD this morning? If he replies that he's using your loan then I'd ask for it back immediately as it was lent for the purpose of paying his phone bill, not treating his family.

MatildaTheCat · 28/05/2019 18:55

Tell him that’s a lovely idea, please can he ping the money he owes you back tomorrow so you can take your DC out for a meal which you can’t afford until he pays you back.

tensmum1964 · 28/05/2019 18:55

Ask for your money back as that is outrageous.

smallereveryday · 28/05/2019 18:55

No. He is BU . You need to call him on it. Although I guess (maybe wrongly) that you have dinner at home with your DC every night and his visit ... in which case he brings them home and you BOTH cook a family supper for all at half (quarter ?) or the price a meal out costs ! Spaghetti Bolenese for 6 cost about a fiver !!

Original poster
WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:56

I’m just a bit lost for words tbh.
There is one massive red flag which has been playing on my mind - a property I own & in the process of selling.
He keeps saying ‘ we’ll have our own little place soon’.
I have absolutely no intention of putting his name on the deeds IF I buy another property. He’s has even tried to get me to lower the asking price for a quick sale.

I’d love to go out for a pizza , even on my own, but I don’t because I cannot afford it.

OP posts:
Original poster
WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:59

He doesn’t have any credit cards so purely what I pinged him.
I have dinner with my (older DCS) 2x a month. I buy the ingredients & walk 3 miles to their house share where I cook. I love it & wouldn’t change it but I would love to say ‘ hey fancy dinner out tonight ? ‘

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 28/05/2019 18:59

What did you say when he phoned with the joyous news?

mbosnz · 28/05/2019 19:01

Danger Will Robinson, so much danger. . . he's pretty blatant, too, isn't he?

Shenanagins · 28/05/2019 19:02

Unless he’s contributing towards the purchase of the new place it goes in your name only.

Soubriquet · 28/05/2019 19:02

I would have lost my shit tbh

Asked why he was going out for dinner when he claimed it was for dd.

And then point out that you can’t afford to go out either.

Then if he wasn’t completely apologetic, I would tell him to sling his hook and pack his bags

AutumnCrow · 28/05/2019 19:02

What a robbing wanker.

Avoid, avoid.

Inniu · 28/05/2019 19:03

I think I would reply “Great you are solvent again. Just send that money I lent you earlier back now before you go out.”

AutumnCrow · 28/05/2019 19:04

Unless he’s contributing towards the purchase of the new place it goes in your name only

I wouldn't let the twat live in it

AdaColeman · 28/05/2019 19:05

He's taking you for a mug WouldLove. keep reminding him that he owes you that money until he pays it back, and don't give him anymore.

Ask yourself if you can afford to support his extravagant ways!

smallereveryday · 28/05/2019 19:07

Do you not drive OP ? If not then learn - take your money and make YOUSELF independent of this twat. Hop in your car and take your dc out for pizza !!

lyralalala · 28/05/2019 19:10

There is one massive red flag which has been playing on my mind - a property I own & in the process of selling.
He keeps saying ‘ we’ll have our own little place soon’.

Tell him you are planning on giving the sale proceeds to your DCs and I bet you'll see his true colours show very quickly, and very loudly.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 28/05/2019 19:10

Take a deep breath and take the night to ponder what it is he brings to your life.

If it is mostly bollocks like that then free yourself.

"Our own little place" indeed!