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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
Poppyinafieldofdreams · 28/05/2019 21:01

You are on to a loser here. These things are normally kept from you until it’s a done deal so at least you know where this is heading. There is a lot to be said for being single and self reliant.

He will have your own little place soon. This whole thing sounds awful. There must be other warning signs you have not yet posted. Take care.

HiItsClemFandango · 28/05/2019 21:02

Have you actually seen his phone bill? Seen any proof it's £150 for two?

SunshineCake · 28/05/2019 21:05

Who are all these useless men?Angry.

PompeyBez · 28/05/2019 21:09

OP you need to get rid, quickly. Once your house is sold and he knows the cash is in the bank the cheekyfuckery will intensify. I bet he's already got a few treats planned in his head. Plus £150 for a phone bill!!! I'd ask to see them if you don't have access. The meal tonight is just outrageous!! He has no intention of budgeting because he knows you'll bail him out. Absolute cocklodger!!!

onceandneveragain · 28/05/2019 21:10

Echoing what everyone else has said about DP and his very unlikely phone bill but just to add....I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I can't think of any nicer way to say this....do you have a bit of a martyr complex or lack of confidence generally?

Just because, as much as you sound like a lovely mum, but if your dc are old enough to live independently, they are old enough to cook for themselves. Buying the food for them, walking three miles to their house and then cooking it for them is ridiculous. If they want a home cooked meal, they can come to you! You've mentioned the 'walk three miles' twice in two paragraphs,' so I can't help thinking it's something that, subconsciously you realise is a bit weird/excessive?

Constance1234 · 28/05/2019 21:14

Do you live together? If not just cut him out of your life now (after he has paid you back of course!).

MorningRichie · 28/05/2019 21:15

My phone bill is £150 for two phones.

nespressowoo · 28/05/2019 21:16

I'm shocked at his audacity! Cheeky shit! LTB

IvanaPee · 28/05/2019 21:18

OP, I don’t know why you’d even bother “confronting” him.

I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of a face to face.

I’d text saying “transfer my money back, you absolutely sack of shit. And don’t try to contact me again.”

Sockworkshop · 28/05/2019 21:19

The walking 3 miles does sound very martyrish but then so does paying someone elses bills and not being able to do things with your DC.
He is taking advantage but your boundaries are poor in letting him OP .
Sorry I dont know your backstory ( others seem to) but once you have dumped this loser you really should consider getting advice to look at why you do this.

Butterymuffin · 28/05/2019 21:21

Do you live with him now and whose name is the house in?

TinselAndKnickers · 28/05/2019 21:21

"you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast"

Snide little fucker! Dump him OP and please don't let yourself be mugged off any more. It's scary having to let go of a relationship when you love them but this shows he's taking you for a ride - you're just a convenience to him and he's got no respect.

Rocketgirl1 · 28/05/2019 21:25

How much was the supermarket shop you paid for?

TheBigFatMermaid · 28/05/2019 21:38

Four of us with mobiles and our home internet and phone costs half that.

And as for 'you know how teens love their data', yes I do, but they have a limit that is capped and once it's gone, it's gone!

Same as for me and DP too.

He is totally mugging you off.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 28/05/2019 21:49

£150 a month?! I asked because I've got a new phone with 30GB of data a month and it only costs £33 a month. That's bonkers.

Eliza9919 · 28/05/2019 21:55

I've got unlimited texts, internet & 2000 mins and I pay £16.50pm. He's lied, as well as taken you for a mug.

Please ltb.

Miniloso · 28/05/2019 22:01

Ah sorry, thought the DC’s were at home. Nevertheless...

cyclingmad · 28/05/2019 23:01

If they are going over their data, why don't you insist they have cap limits and that if they go over they pay for it themselves because you can't afford it. It will help them in the long run and teach them about budgets and managing things within limits.

Definately don't buy a house together for sure.

Personally I would ditch this loser .

DramaRamaLlama · 28/05/2019 23:01

@MorningRichie

My phone bill is £150 for two phones

That's fine I've not got a clue what mine is unless you can not afford to pay for dinner with your kids/the rest of your bills etc.

If you cannot afford dinner, which OPs DP can't then spending that much on a phone is insanity

GreenTulips · 28/05/2019 23:06

MorningRichie. Bet you don’t ask others to pay it and then bugger off out for dinner

MorningRichie · 28/05/2019 23:12

I can afford it and its fine, but my point is that loads of PP have assumed hes lying about his bill. It is highly possible to have a bill that high if youve got two high-end phones. Whether he should have them given his financial situation is a different point, but just because you may not have a bill that high doesn't mean he doesn't.

£150 for devices that have thousands of books, hundreds of films, games, magazines, streaming options is well worth it for us. We could have shitty phones with a pisspoor amount of data and be in a position to post that our bills are tiny, but what's the fun in that?

Judge him on how he treats OP, but it's very plausible hes telling the truth about his phone bill.

GabsAlot · 28/05/2019 23:19

He might have a 150 pound phone bill thats not really the point-He asked op to cover it for him then went out instead for a meal

MorningRichie · 28/05/2019 23:21

I can fucking read.

I'm addressing the arseholes who are adamant he's lying about the bill.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/05/2019 23:22

Look at it this way OP. Tonight has given you some very useful insights.

He's pushed it toooo far.

Good.

Sounds like you've woken up.

He's a user.

CaptainJaneway62 · 28/05/2019 23:24

You will never have any money whilst you're with him.
Put yourself first OP and don't pay anything else for him EVER!
Get rid of the lying entitled git.
You need to get rid of him before you sell your house or he will be pestering you for thousands not just hundreds!