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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 28/05/2019 20:31

Agree with everyone else OP. Get rid of this lying user now. You deserve so much better.

Miniloso · 28/05/2019 20:32

Christ. Your kids come first for goodness sake. Wake up!!

Crayolaaa · 28/05/2019 20:32

The last thing you need when you realise you've been taken for a fool is everyone telling you this been there done that.

You sound very kind, and it's not your fault he's taken the piss. Good luck, stay strong and this time next year you'll be out for dinner with your DC laughing about the dickhead you used to date before going home to your own lovely house.

BollocksToBrexit · 28/05/2019 20:33

Did he reply to your text asking for your money back?

Charles11 · 28/05/2019 20:33

£150 for his phone bill? Please stop. Think of what you could do with that money. Dinner out with your kids, a day out, two months and you could go away for the weekend, 12 months and you could take them on holiday with you.
Go on a course, buy a car, you get the idea. This is madness.
He’s Freeloading.

QuickQuestion2019 · 28/05/2019 20:34

OP where do you live now? Presumably you're renting hence his comment?

WelshMoth · 28/05/2019 20:35

Stay with that light bulb moment OP. You are being used, 100%.

Belenus · 28/05/2019 20:37

Do you not drive OP ? If not then learn - take your money and make YOUSELF independent of this twat. Hop in your car and take your dc out for pizza !!

Based on what? The OP walks sometimes? Being able to drive doesn't actually stop you walking. And why is having a car some sort of badge of independence?

Good luck OP. Glad you've seen the light. It's a good thing this has happened because you've realised what he's really like - selfish and out for what he can get.

Duchessgummybuns · 28/05/2019 20:38

Time to end this particular gravy train OP... he must have a stellar cock for it to have lasted this long

Charles11 · 28/05/2019 20:41

Sorry - I thought that phone bill was paid by op every month. Need to read more carefully.

Isatis · 28/05/2019 20:42

I think I’ve fallen for the ‘if my phone bill isn’t paid then I’m out of contact with my DCs - it’s exam time etc’

Next time he comes up with that one, the answer is "you should have thought about that before deciding to go out for a meal, shouldn't you?"

aidelmaidel · 28/05/2019 20:42

Bloody hell. Wishing you strength to tell him where to shove it and maintain that.

AutumnCrow · 28/05/2019 20:42

A car can be just another money pit, I agree with pp. Let the OP do this one step at a time. The first step is having the scales fall from her eyes about the Beans Man.

stiffstink · 28/05/2019 20:44

You're paying £1,800 a year for a phone bill that doesn't belong to you, having never seen the phone bill?! If you go on the giffgaff website and select "I am an addict" for every data option it still only comes out at £25 per month with unlimited texts and unlimited minutes. So £50 tops for 2 people.

He is either taking the piss by lying to you or he's taking the piss by not caring whether he can save money and relieve some of the financial burden. I tend to think its option a, lying.

Sack. Him. Off.

cuppycakey · 28/05/2019 20:45

Sorry if I have missed this but do you actually live with this total cockwomble?

Don't bother engaging in more conversation with him. He won't care. Just dump him and block him.

I cannot believe how he must have ground you down to accept this shoddy treatment. Flowers

stiffstink · 28/05/2019 20:46

Even if this was only a one off £150, its still a pisstake for him to use it on something else.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 28/05/2019 20:48

it takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

His phone bill is far too high then if it’s costing that. He clearly can’t afford it.

Oohgossip · 28/05/2019 20:52

Wow. What a user- and a liar!

TheGrapefulDread · 28/05/2019 20:52

I have a sim only deal unlimited everything 25 pounds a month - and under six quid a day to use abroad on a special tariff not one of life’s savers is he ? In the words of Fagin in your shoes “ I’d be reviewing the situation”

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 28/05/2019 20:53

£150 a month?!?
what the actual fucking fuck!?!?

Mine is £12, £15 on a bad month Angry

You can’t afford to go for a cheap meal out but pay this FOR HIM

I am utterly LIVID on your behalf...

IsThisIt82 · 28/05/2019 20:53

Ahhh OP gosh. You're so lovely and so kind hearted - you also work bloody hard for your money. He's using you. And you're letting him.

You are so much better than him - listen to us and listen to your mum. Time to kick him out. I would be doing it now and not letting him back in!

DeRigueurMortis · 28/05/2019 20:54

That's a very big phone bill even for 2 people.

I'm going to guess it's because it's (high spec) phones plus large data bills???

I've got a pretty extensive phone contract and it's less than £30 per month (I bought the phone separately).

I'm not convinced he's telling the truth about the bill - it's very steep, but if it is true he's paying way above the odds.

He's absolutely taking the piss asking you to find a ridiculously large phone bill and then using the money for non essential reasons - especially when that denies you the opportunity to do the same.

P.s the comment about the baked beans would have made me see red. How rude and self centred.

Eliza9919 · 28/05/2019 20:55

He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.

What a cheeky cunt. I'd be absolutely livid.

It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him

How much is his phone bill 😲

GreenTulips · 28/05/2019 20:56

OP what are your living arrangements and how much does he actually contribute?

Sounds like you’re low paid and he’s a scrounger

likeridingabike · 28/05/2019 21:00

I'm not sure everyone has appreciated that the OPs children are all grown up and living independently, they're not young children who are being neglected in order to pay this man's phone bill, also it's a one off not something she pays every month.

That said he's a cockwomble and needs to be binned forthwith.

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