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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
shitholiday2018 · 28/05/2019 23:34

Op, what did he say when you asked him for the money back? Has he paid it?

Chocmallows · 28/05/2019 23:35

OP he doesn't have a little red flag, he's dressed in it head to toe.

The issue isn't him, it's you and your decision - do you want to pay for his company or get rid?

Palaver1 · 28/05/2019 23:43

OP posters are being quite kind.
If you decide that you can’t treat yourself but you can give this thankless man two days worth of your hard earned money that’s your choice.
You choose to be used and abused.

Whatisthisfuckery · 28/05/2019 23:54

JFC, £150 for two phones? I pay £51 for landline/internet and two phone bills. Mine is £10 per months for unlimited calls, texts and 8GB data and DS’s is £6 for unlimited calls and texts and 3GB data. I put a cap on DS’s phone so he can’t exceed that.

This man is taking the piss OP. I bet he’s mooching other money off you here and there as well. Does he contribute equally, or at least proportionately to bills?

I’m with the others. You need to bin the feckless fuckwit and work on making yourself happy. Don’t let him near the money from your house sale fgs.

IrishGal21 · 28/05/2019 23:59

Time to springclean your own house and kick him out. you deserve much better

incrediblysadtoo · 29/05/2019 00:21

What are you going to do?

Dumping him seems like a no brainier to me.

Big Girl Pants & just do it.

WhyTho · 29/05/2019 04:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummadeeze · 29/05/2019 06:23

My phone bill used to be £120 a month on its own for years and years so it is possible. I had an iPad on the same contract, lots of data and was regularly ringing relatives in a country that doesn’t fall under any cheap price plan. I have managed finally to get my bill down by forcing my relatives to get What’s App and by paying off the iPad charges. But it is possible to have a high bill. That aside, agree with everyone that he shouldn’t borrow money and then go out to dinner without you. That does sound rude and I would be annoyed too.

Blondebakingmumma · 29/05/2019 06:39

How did the chat go about dinner OP?

IHeartArya · 29/05/2019 06:48

Hope you’re ok OP

Rosielily · 29/05/2019 06:51

He’s has even tried to get me to lower the asking price for a quick sale.

Really? And I wonder why?

Frownette · 29/05/2019 06:53

Really don't like the sound of him OP.

Hope you get the chance to have dinner out with your DC next month.

Eliza9919 · 29/05/2019 07:11

Where did they go for dinner? Was it cheap & cheerful or pricier?

freshstartnewme · 29/05/2019 07:13

I pay £145 for 2 phones on EE. They are both iPhone X with the best data package.

Why do people always act in disbelief because we don't all do the same?

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2019 07:15

End this. He's using you. No one treats some one they either love, care for or respect like he's treating you. And the fact he's taking what you can barely afford to spunk on his kids is appalling.

End it.

freshstartnewme · 29/05/2019 07:15

I've got unlimited texts, internet & 2000 mins and I pay £16.50pm.

WOW!

Who is your provider? That's an incredible deal!

Propertywoes · 29/05/2019 07:16

Time to give him the shove op.

LellyMcKelly · 29/05/2019 07:27

I have an iPhone XR and 30g of data and that’s £37 a month, and I thought I was being extravagant. How on earth can 2 phones be £150?

Eliza9919 · 29/05/2019 07:27

@freshstartnewme I'm with T-Mobile. I'm sim only so buy my own handsets and I get a loyalty discount too.

121 or T-Mobile used to have a banding/rating system that they put customers into based on how much they spent monthly (before packages we have now, yeas ago now) and I was in their top band/gold/whatever they call it.

freshstartnewme · 29/05/2019 07:40

How on earth can 2 phones be £150?

Different plans to the £37 a month you pay?

BeanBag7 · 29/05/2019 07:53

*I pay £145 for 2 phones on EE. They are both iPhone X with the best data package.

Why do people always act in disbelief because we don't all do the same?*

Because it is much much higher than average and the person in this post obviously isn't in a position to afford it (great for you as you obviously can afford it).
The vast majority of people dont spend £150 a month on their phone so it's not unbelievable to question whether the man is lying about the bill to fleece his partner. He obviously had enough left over to go out for dinner, implying he didn't spend all £150 on his phone.

freshstartnewme · 29/05/2019 07:59

Because it is much much higher than average and the person in this post obviously isn't in a position to afford it

I didn't ask in relation to the person in the OP's affordability.

The vast majority of people dont spend £150 a month on their phone so it's not unbelievable to question whether the man is lying about the bill to fleece his partner.

He totally is. I don't disagree regarding the OP partner at all.

However, my point was all the disbelief that anyone could possibly pay that for 2 phones. Yes it's higher than average, but the standard 'omg I only pay X' with no ability to realise other people can pay Y and that's ok too.

StCharlotte · 29/05/2019 08:07

I think I’ve fallen for the ‘if my phone bill isn’t paid then I’m out of contact with my DCs - it’s exam time etc’

On the plus side, it means he can't contact you with more demands and you won't be tempted to contact him. Please get rid OP.

PollyShelby · 29/05/2019 08:14

Depends on how tight things are, but have you heard of Meerkat meals? There's a hack you can use so it costs a quid to join, then you get BOGOF on starters mains and desserts.

My student DCs use it to get a pizza from zizzi, costs them a fiver each with a jug of tap water.

Loads of restaurants do it.

Your partner is a selfish cocklodger.

redwoodmazza · 29/05/2019 08:38

I am on gifgaff - costs me £5 a MONTH!!!