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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/05/2019 19:57
  1. Hard to believe. We have two iphone 8s bought on a 2 year contract with 3 with all you can eat wifi etc.. and they are about £45 each a month. I thought that was expensive. So his phone bill thing is absolute rubbish or he is incompetent. YOu could even look up two mobiles on money supermarket and find a way better deal.
  2. the beans on toast comment
  3. He is talking about our little home? He is trying to cut the price of your property sale so that the money comes through quicker. RED FLAG!!!
  4. he is taking money from you that takes you 2 days to earn, through very hard work and spending it on meals out when you cant afford that yourself. I think you really need to think this through. Any other red flags? Does he contribute equally to the bills. Do you want to stay with him? Does he treat your DC well? From what you've said he is a drain on joint finances rather than an equal contributor. Only you know if the relationship is worth saving/could be saved by discussing this with him and setting some new terms and conditions. but in your shoes I would be making sure I made a will regarding my DCs and what they are entitled to from the sale of your property and I would think long and hard before making any futher financial committments to this man.
Hwory · 28/05/2019 19:58

I don’t understand how you can afford to give £150 for someone’s phone bill but you can’t afford to take your kids out to eat??

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/05/2019 19:59

*ps. I say make a will but only because I think its essential for children to have a financial plan in case something happens to you... not because I think he's a villain! we neglected a will but after a car accident it was the first thing I did.

spongedog · 28/05/2019 19:59

I feel for you. When you see the light the relief is enormous, but then the pain starts. Sending these Flowers and this Wine and Cake

MrsMozartMkII · 28/05/2019 20:01

Flipping heck on all counts lass!

I'm so glad you've seen the light.

As for high phone bills - I sometimes rack up between £150 and £200 per month depending on if there's clients in the USA, but mine is work and expected to be high, if it were personal (even for two phones) at anything near that then I'd be going cross-eyed and investigating with a fine toothcomb.

FilthyforFirth · 28/05/2019 20:04

How do you afford an extortionate phone bill, but not a cheap chain meal out for your children? Very odd priorities.

LagunaBubbles · 28/05/2019 20:05

You’ve not taken your kids out for 2 years but will pay his phone bill?

This! Why, just why?

UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit · 28/05/2019 20:05

Is it that high every month or has he bullshitted this month to get extra from you for this meal out?

Hope he has put the money back in for you OP. Also... pour the whiskey down the drain if you don’t like it!

H2OH20Everywhere · 28/05/2019 20:07

I suspect OP uses his phone as hers was cut off, but has to then pay for it as recompense.

OP, I'm glad you've seen the light.

Do you have to sell your property or could you move back there? That does seem to be your best option right now.

sackrifice · 28/05/2019 20:07

Ok. Stop now.

Why are you selling this house?

Can you put the sale off and bin him before you get drawn unto any more bullshit?

PoloMama · 28/05/2019 20:09

Do not let him anywhere near the proceeds of your sale and definitely keep your next property in your name only. From what you've said it sounds like you'd be be better off without him.

LoveMyNewHome · 28/05/2019 20:11

What a scrounger! Shock

Cherrysoup · 28/05/2019 20:11

How the hell are 2 phone bills £150? Mine is limitless texts/minutes plus 18gb of data for £15 a month. Bonkers.

Original poster
WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 20:13

I make sure my DCs (who are older & house share) have meals. Meals I cook from scratch for them . I buy the ingredients & walk 3 miles to their house & we cook.
I would love, love to take them out (& myself tbh !).
I think I’ve fallen for the ‘if my phone bill isn’t paid then I’m out of contact with my DCs - it’s exam time etc’.
I’m in no way ever putting a phone bill before my DCs welfare.
If the money was genuinely for his phone I’d be annoyed at such a high bill (& no I’ve never seen it) & asked him to look at cheaper options.
For me it’s the taking his DCs out when I can’t & this will be addressed tonight.
I think I’ve got mug stamped on my forehead but it ends here.

OP posts:
Whoopstheregomyinsides · 28/05/2019 20:13

Totally insane. £150 is nuts and he should know that. Likely does. People who get bailed out get used to it. I speak from experience. Leave him. You’re worth more

EleanorReally · 28/05/2019 20:14

was it a macdonalds meal?

Peperpiperpickedwrong · 28/05/2019 20:15

It has been a lightbulb moment
I feel lighter

Good for you. Tell him ASAP and get on with your life being happier and a lot better off Flowers

Original poster
WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 20:15

I have my own phone (crappy) but PAYG . I don’t use his at all but you know how teen DCs use data .... (the excuse)

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 28/05/2019 20:16

was it a macdonalds meal?

Yeah. McDonalds in Monaco. Wink

Mummyshark2019 · 28/05/2019 20:22

Oh god LTB asap OP. You sound lovely but I think you're being taken advantage of. Save your money by leaving the leech and do something nice with the kids xx

sourdoh · 28/05/2019 20:22

my heart goes out to you op .. i reecognise so much of this bhaviour in my ex.
i was naive and sent £ to his account to feed the kids for the weekend theyd be with him (he had pleaded poverty by saying he didnt have £5 for a sports trip)

He promptly took himself and the kids to the cinema and gave one child money to go out with his mates.

Somewhere in my mind i hoped that decent conduct would prevail and yes it could be argued that i enabled him. However the very fact that he could have said no but didny says waaaay more about him.

Its a difficult situation because i wouldnt mind betting that he is a gaslighting prick in other ways

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/05/2019 20:22

Wow £150 a month. Just why?? I’m glad you’re starting to see sense.

I take it you’re renting. Can you not go and live in the house you’re selling instead of with him?

DramaRamaLlama · 28/05/2019 20:23

Who on earth spends £150 on phone when they can't afford to take their DC out for dinner Confused

Inliverpool1 · 28/05/2019 20:27

He’s a lying twat op, get rid please

diddl · 28/05/2019 20:30

"For me it’s the taking his DCs out when I can’t & this will be addressed tonight."

Why bother?

Just dump him.