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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP taking his DCs out for dinner

207 replies

WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow · 28/05/2019 18:43

I’m really tired so probably am BU.
DP said this morning he’d got notification from his bank that he didn’t have enough to cover DD leaving his account.
I said I could send £xxx to cover the bills (his phone bill) as he has helped me out in the past.
He’s just phoned to say he’s taking his DCs out for dinner.
Under any other circumstances I would have no problem with this & it’s not a tit for tat but I haven’t taken my DCs out in 2 years or myself for that matter. The money was for bills. Meals out are a luxury when you can actually afford them. He said ‘ you don’t need me to pick anything up do you because you’re having beans on toast’.
It takes me 2 days of hard bloody slog to earn what I sent over to him.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 29/05/2019 09:11

What an arsehole!
Mind you, I'm a bit puzzled that you were able to immediately ping him over a considerable amount of money and yet you say you can't afford to take your children out for pizza.
Anyway, I hope he's paid you back and I hope you've realised and seen his true colours because he's definitely got his eye on the money from your house sale!

Rocketgirl1 · 29/05/2019 09:19

Did he invite you to join them so that you didn’t have to sit in on your own eating beans on toast?

Belenus · 29/05/2019 09:44

Mind you, I'm a bit puzzled that you were able to immediately ping him over a considerable amount of money and yet you say you can't afford to take your children out for pizza.

I don't eat out and am very careful what I spend. Meals out are an expensive extra I don't need on my budget. However, because I budget so carefully I could ping someone £150 if they really needed it for an emergency - this is because I'm so careful. So I can well understand how the OP is in a situation where she doesn't want to spend money on meals out, but could have an emergency fund. The point being it is an emergency fund, not for someone else to have a meal out and then gloat about it.

FinallyHere · 29/05/2019 09:56

Wot @MatildaTheCat said ^

Tell him that’s a lovely idea, please can he ping the money he owes you back tomorrow so you can take your DC out for a meal which you can’t afford until he pays you back.

Having a similar attitude to finance is one of the things that can make a relationship much easier, even when you have enough so that different approaches do not impact on each other.

You have different approaches and his lack of thrift does impact your life.

Sorry, the sooner you cut him adrift the better.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 09:59

And if anyone is with Plusnet, they have Mates Rates deals starting at £7.50 unlimited texts and calls, 1G data

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/05/2019 10:07

Hope you are OK OP.
You have been kind and generous and you should be able to be like that with a partner without them taking advantage. I think this means that you have the qualities needed to build a successful relationship even if this one falters and that you have more potential for happiness because you have a kind and loving nature.
He is the one at fault here. Only you know if this is trademark behaviour from him. If he has a history of this or its a one off which could be sorted out with some good communication. But from what you've said so far, I suspect you think it doesn't bode well. I wish you all the very best x

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 29/05/2019 10:25

Get your money back first.
Then dump him.
He's a cocklodger.

NauseousMum · 29/05/2019 10:31

I hope he sent back your money. He sounds like a user, hopefully that you will dump him.

IvanaPee · 29/05/2019 11:57

Any update @WouldLoveAHolidayRightNow?

gamerchick · 29/05/2019 12:07

Have you posted about this bloke before OP? I seem to have given away chocolates from a client and taking the car when the poster needed it to get to cleaning jobs in my head reading your post?

IvanaPee · 29/05/2019 12:08

Yeah did he take chocolates at Christmas?

HellonHeels · 29/05/2019 12:09

Are you the poster whose "D"P gave his son your special easter egg?

IvanaPee · 29/05/2019 12:22

Oh it was an Easter egg!

9w7g5d3h4 · 29/05/2019 12:30

Why are you paying someone else's bills ?

DO NOT give him one penny more !

He can cut down on his expenses or get a second job !

Rocketgirl1 · 29/05/2019 13:02

Is he working yet op?

mummyhaschangedhername · 29/05/2019 13:13

What happened OP. All ok?

ThePants999 · 29/05/2019 13:29

My spouse and I pay £15 a month between us on our phone contracts... Hmm

aweedropofsancerre · 29/05/2019 13:59

fedup21 I thought that too after reading this thread

Meangirls36 · 29/05/2019 14:22

My phone bill is ten pounds a month on contract with 250 mins a month. Got a free Alcatel s7 with it. He's stealing from you. Cancel the transfer and ghost the twat.

GreenTulips · 29/05/2019 14:38

I don’t think the OP asked what people are paying on their phone co tracts

She’s asking for relationship advice!!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/05/2019 14:51

Well, she hasn't been back, is probably busy sorting out her life.

Meanwhile the post has taken a side path...

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/05/2019 14:55

...

Teateaandmoretea · 29/05/2019 15:28

He could be paying for the pizza with Tesco vouchers do people actually pay at pizza express etc

Even so he should have invited you and should support his own expenditure.

Provincialbelle · 29/05/2019 15:34

Right OP serious steps needed here. Do NOT let him live with you when you buy the new place. He will claim a share of the equity after a while and claim that he contributed to house, maintenance etc (whether he lifts a finger or not) and you will have to defend that. Be absolutely clear to him (or, rather, his replacement after you’ve dumped him) your house and you want no contribution from anyone, end of. Make them sign agreement (though they aren’t necessarily binding)

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