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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that I don’t really have any friends?

214 replies

mommathatwearspink · 25/05/2019 20:19

I’m not sure why this evening in particular but I just feel so sad Sad
I don’t have any friends really... I have people that I am friendly with, people at work etc but no one that really asks me to go out or to be their bridesmaid, etc. Most of my friends went off to university when me and DP met and we lost contact. Any friends that I have met through DP have either split up with two their DP so we don’t socialise together anymore or just don’t make any effort with me.
I am a nice person, I am kind and friendly to everyone I meet so why do I not have any friends?? I’m only in my late 20s and whilst most girls are going out for a drink with their friends, or going in on hen parties, etc I’m sat here wondering what went wrong?!

OP posts:
purplelila2 · 25/05/2019 20:23

op I'm in the same boat 😪
I've lost touch with school friends due to moving and same with university.

I'm friendly with people in work but no real friend's.

I was thinking earlier how much I'd love a girly holiday 😪

YahBasic · 25/05/2019 20:37

I had the same earlier - I think it’s seeing people having Bank Holiday plans with big groups of friends.

We have moved around a lot and lost friends along the way for various reasons. My closest friends live scattered across the world and get to see them very rarely.

We’re moving again soon and I’m just hoping we’re able to make a few local friends this time.

Alwaysgrey · 25/05/2019 20:38

Same. Friendships seem very hard. And I think I have a lot to give but find maintaining friendships tricky. I’m not a full on person as I’m quite shy and I wonder if people think I’m aloof but I have adhd and struggle to read boundaries so don’t want to be over friendly.

Taswama · 25/05/2019 20:42

I have friends but it is mostly me organising to meet up.
I’ve basically given asking people at work as they never ask back and a couple of times have cancelled at the last minute so I figured I should take the hint.
Friends outside of work are better. But I have always preferred seeing one person at a time rather than big groups.

Original poster
mommathatwearspink · 25/05/2019 20:43

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I hate to feel like this because I have a good life. I just feel like I’m lacking in that one very important area Sad

yahbasic I think you’re probably right. lots of people on social media having lovely weekends with loverly groups of friends.

My DP has been asked to go for a few beers next weekend (not unusual, he has plenty of friends) and said I should make some plans myself and he would have the children. It then dawned on me that actually, I have no one to make plans with Hmm

OP posts:
greatandpowerfulozma · 25/05/2019 20:48

Following x

newjobnerves · 25/05/2019 20:49

Totally with you. DH and I have been together since we were 17, we were best friends, and I'm very close to my mum. I fear these 2 things have isolated me and made it nigh on impossible to make friends. I have lots of acquaintances but no one I could just text or hang out with. It makes me so sad.

newjobnerves · 25/05/2019 20:50

*we are best friends that should say 😂 but sometimes you just need friends, and he isn't sociable, there's things I'd like to do I know aren't his thing.

WhiteRedRose · 25/05/2019 20:50

Same @purplelila2. I'd really love a girly holiday.

I have one 'close' school friend who I see every few weeks and that's it. The rest are 'mum' friends I only know online through reddit and social media, which makes me feel even worse somehow tbh :( we're all really good friends but all over the world so not like we can even meet for coffee. I made a really good friend several years ago, we were actually best friends, but then she moved to Canada with work and all we both do now is occasionally send 'I miss you' messages and nothing more as it's too shit to cope with.

Recently I keep seeing funny things online or in real life and go to open my phone to tell someone and realise there is no one I can really tell or share it with that isn't DH 😥 or blokes I used to work with. I'm not even close to my sister :(

I feel so bloody tragic.

cpjoli · 25/05/2019 20:52

Same here. I have trust issues though. Even still, I feel useless socially .

GoldenEvilHoor · 25/05/2019 20:53

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MotherOfDragons90 · 25/05/2019 20:54

I’m in the same boat too.

My dad was having a clear out of his loft and brought some of my stuff over including my old secondary school yearbook. In it was lots of photos of me with my girlfriends and loads of lovely messages etc and it really hit home that the huge friendship group I had in my teens has just gradually faded away in the last 10 years.

I did reach out to an old friend recently, could you do the same?

amy85 · 25/05/2019 20:59

Same here...my kids are currently at their dads for the weekend they went last night and won't be back until Monday late afternoon...I have absolutely noone to make plans with...it sucks

purplelila2 · 25/05/2019 20:59

@newjobnerves same here I've been with my dh since we were 15 we're now 34 so that plus moving schools then moving away for uni has isolated me so much.

I would love so much to go out like other women my age for drinks with the girls.
I have no one to go with.

Raggerty54 · 25/05/2019 21:03

I feel the same. I’m so glad I’ve found this thread. My sil is the same age as me and sometimes I feel sad when I’m around her and her friends.

I think of hen nights, weddings, baby showers, big birthdays. I wanted to host a barbecue/ house party but can’t think of who to invite who’d be able to make it.

WitchesGlove · 25/05/2019 21:03

Have you actively tried to make some, OP?

Volunteering, hobbies, sports or join the Women’s Institute?

Some Mnetters who have had success through this will be along soon, I’m sure.

Try not to be sad about it, there’s loads of people in the same boat, honestly.

Also, friendships aren’t all they are cracked up to be, as a lot of the threads on here tell us.

Alwaysgrey · 25/05/2019 21:03

How do you start friendships? I don’t work as I have two children with disabilities so it’s isolated me alot. And I feel like an utter saddo that I have no one to do anything with.

GoldenEvilHoor · 25/05/2019 21:04

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newjobnerves · 25/05/2019 21:04

@purplelila2 we moved away too. And now my kids are school aged I couldn't even do the baby group thing (though I hated it when they were that age! Plus working always made it harder to make friends that way).

StepCatsmother · 25/05/2019 21:06

Same here.
Moved to a new area 2 years ago & despite getting to know people by joining local groups, haven't really been accepted into any friendships on a closer level.

There was a thread on here a while back asking if after a certain point in life, people don't feel the need to make new friends, and though some people were "the more the merrier", they were a minority. It's certainly been my experience that it's hard.
It's so difficult to tread the line between showing you are open to making new friends & seeming too keen/desperate.

LostStars39 · 25/05/2019 21:09

I’m exactly the same, it’s utterly depressing. DP has loads of friends and I just wish I had one or 2 close friends I could text or talk to. Makes me worry if we ever broke up I’d have absolutely no one.

HomeEdRocks18 · 25/05/2019 21:11

I advise you to join Ladies Circle. They are a friendship group and have members all over the world. It's great fun. I joined nearly five years ago after moving 350 miles away from my home town. Our group is small at 7 members, other Circles have many more members. I've learnt new skills, taken part in fundraising and been on trips to different parts of the UK.

purplelila2 · 25/05/2019 21:12

@newjobnerves I also tried the stay and play sessions at my local community centre but no one even spoke to me as they all had pre existing friends. I tried socialising there but they weren't interested and in the end I stopped going.

floraloctopus · 25/05/2019 21:13

These threads are sadly not unusual on MN, I think there is one every month or so.

cjpark · 25/05/2019 21:14

I have 2 best friends that are like sisters to me. We speak most days and meet up 2-3 times a week. We met 15 years ago when our eldest children were born at 'baby clinic' and I couldn't be without them!