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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad that I don’t really have any friends?

214 replies

mommathatwearspink · 25/05/2019 20:19

I’m not sure why this evening in particular but I just feel so sad Sad
I don’t have any friends really... I have people that I am friendly with, people at work etc but no one that really asks me to go out or to be their bridesmaid, etc. Most of my friends went off to university when me and DP met and we lost contact. Any friends that I have met through DP have either split up with two their DP so we don’t socialise together anymore or just don’t make any effort with me.
I am a nice person, I am kind and friendly to everyone I meet so why do I not have any friends?? I’m only in my late 20s and whilst most girls are going out for a drink with their friends, or going in on hen parties, etc I’m sat here wondering what went wrong?!

OP posts:
ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 23:16

@LimitIsUp that resonates a lot with me

GoldenEvilHoor · 25/05/2019 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

GlitterPixie · 25/05/2019 23:17

I’m exactly the same it does get to me sometimes

LimitIsUp · 25/05/2019 23:18

Interesting - perhaps that is where we are going wrong?

SteelRiver · 25/05/2019 23:24

You're most definitely not alone, OP. A few years back, I moved 200 miles from my home area and haven't made any real friends here, just my husband's friends' wives. I'm middle aged now, housebound a lot of the time, so I guess the situation won't be changing. I have a couple of close friends back home and we're still in frequent contact, but they haven't visited me here yet.

It does make me sad, not being able to pop out for
a drink or a meal and a good chat, but I have a wonderful husband and I'm thankful for him.

VaperCut · 25/05/2019 23:27

It's pretty rubbish not having real friends. I get terrible anxiety at the thought of local meet ups with other mums I don't know, so that wouldn't work for me. I prefer one to ones if I'm honest.

I was okay in high school, had a good bunch of girls I was close to and still in contact with 3. We will ring or text each other every few months but very, very rarely meet up. In fact i noticed recently it's always me making the effort..

After leaving school I struggled to make any friends. On my hen night there was such a piss poor turnout it was embarrassing.

I met some lovely ladies at babygroup and knew them for 8 years until I moved away. Only a couple bothered to keep in contact, in fact we text regularly. I feel closer to them now because we feel we can share things we couldn't before. It's strange.

Since moving away, I am physically closer to my family which is a bonus but my sister who is like my best friend moved abroad (we still text regularly but it's not the same), my other sister makes very little effort.

So I have plenty of 'text friends' which is helpful when am feeling down, need to rant about DH, etc, but nobody I can go for a dessert with, or a coffee or to the gym with. I am trying teally hard to talk to mums at school but most aren't interested. Two seem really nice and I can see friendship developing but the hard part is maintaining that friendship.

Lifeover · 25/05/2019 23:34

I have people I’m friendly with, people I’ll go for food and drink with bu the older I get the more I realise I’m happy in my own company. I like social interaction with people but don’t really want to feel tied to people. I’ve spent so long tying myself in knots for others and feeling let down I’ve come to think it’s better to be this way

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 26/05/2019 00:13

I have noone to socialise with, just DH. Don't know how to fix it either, the hours we work make it difficult for me to attend anything after work or weekends and I don't drive, which makes it even more difficult.

I'm resigned to it, but I worry about the future.

Provincialbelle · 26/05/2019 00:18

Earlier poster said she thought it was easier for men. Not true: an ex of mine was the kindest, most genuine, funny and intelligent person with a great sense of humour and an incredible general knowledge but almost no friends. He didn’t like some traditional Male things like football but he loved many other sports. He confessed to me that it had been that way for so long he just didn’t know the protocol for progressing an interesting conversation into anything more.

Dippypippy1980 · 26/05/2019 00:23

Provincialbelle - I was making a g neural statement. ClI Alex there will b exceptions.

Dippypippy1980 · 26/05/2019 00:24

Clearly - spell check is up the left!

I do believe in general if is easier for men and I don’t think your exes experi nice makes this statement untrue

Clockworkprincess · 26/05/2019 00:39

I find it hard to make friends, i lost touch with alot of friends from school etc. Been going to a playgroup for the past nine months and only the past few would i say I've made a friend. I felt silly thinking I'm proud of making the effort to arrange a playdate and building the friendship but it is a massive achievement for me. Ive never been the loudest person and i do enjoy my own company but i do get lonely.

TheValeyard · 26/05/2019 01:15

I'm the same - I've lost touch with school and college friends. My closest friends were at work, but I've just got a promotion whereby I am now managing some of my previous colleagues, so those relationships have really changed now.

I volunteer in the local community centre, but struggle to connect and relax with people, which probably comes across as rudeness or standoffishness to some. Feel very lonely sometimes.

RaptorWhiskers · 26/05/2019 01:20

My own experience makes me worried for my DS. I’ve never had any friends, only acquaintances who I was friendly with by virtue of living in the same street or being in the same class or hobby. I’ve always felt very anxious and excluded and sad. By the age of about 13 I realised I was being rejected and started to reject people before they could reject me. So I became very withdrawn and isolated. In my 30s I thought I’d finally succeeded at making friends at a hobby, but I was only on the edge of the social group and it didn’t last long before I was rejected so harshly that it broke me. I’m now 40 and have been completely isolated for the past three years.

I’ve spent nearly 30 years crying because I’m lonely, and I’m so worried that my DS will have the same painful experience. I don’t know why nobody wants to be my friend so I have no idea if anyone will want to be his friend as he gets older.

Sleepinginthebathroom · 26/05/2019 03:02

Work long unpredictable hours. No way I can commit to attending s class/hobby at same time everyweek. I did try, they almost all start hours before I could ever hope to finish work and when I did make it, it wasn't any more than polite and painful small talk. Also I'm told I have serious resting bitch face.

Sleepinginthebathroom · 26/05/2019 03:08

@Raptor I completely understand that
I've always been the same. Someone once told me it seemed like I wasn't bothered, I didn't need anyone else, their approval, them to like me etc. And that meant they couldn't really guage me and people were a bit indifferent because they didn't know me. I suppose that is true, due to never having friends I don't neeeed them like others might. I wonder if that's the same for more people here.

Alicewond · 26/05/2019 03:16

I don’t know why some people go through this. I only know why I did. I met a man, I became devoted, I turned away sadly/stupidly. Was my fault

Beautiful3 · 26/05/2019 04:40

Snap this is me too! I have old friends that live miles away that I meet up with once every six months. An old primary school friend that I catch up with once every three months. But i long for a few local pals to actually meet up with weekly. Makes you feel sad doesn't it? I know why, it's because I spent ten years working in well paid jobs over 20 miles away. Many friendships formed that were fine pre children, but are no longer sustainable as travel became one sided. Now I'm a sahm I haven't made any close friends and that does make me sad.

floraloctopus · 26/05/2019 05:29

I'm in the same boat OP, middle aged and 'know' a lot of people, but have no-one to even have a coffee with..
The hardest part is when you feel down, or need advice, there's no-one to talk to..
I have been in the same boat since schooldays when i was bullied

I could have written this word for word. It's not pleasant.

Seniorschoolmum · 26/05/2019 05:47

Lots of people are top busy,too stressed or just plain rude.

At my son’s swimming class, I watched one of the mums arrive in the gallery, say “morning, lovely day” to generally everyone, as she sat down, and one of the other parents told her to “shut the f**k up.”
Shock. I hide behind a newspaper now, and leave ASAP.

I’ve made friends with two neighbours, so it is still possible. It’s taken a while.

Veronicat · 26/05/2019 06:40

I'm the same. I moved 500 miles away to a rural location and its just me and my DP. We are getting married next week and I've had no hen night, noone to buy the dress with etc. I worry about what will happen in the future when I'm on my own. I'm learning to drive so I can at least get myself about.

SerenDippitty · 26/05/2019 06:57

But do you honestly get out and about and actively do things to meet new people?

I’m actually not a bad “joiner” of things and I’m sure could make myself some kind of social life if anything happened to my DH (who does have a few friends he goes for a pint with from time to time). It’s just that I have trouble clicking with new people. I’m not naturally outgoing. I joined my local Gateway women group (for childless women) and it was Ok for a while and I did get friendly with the host, but then she moved away to a different part of the country and asked me to take it over but then the other members of the group, which was never hugely successful in the first place, melted away and I’ve found it wellnigh impossible to drum up new interest.

Bigsighall · 26/05/2019 07:03

I haven’t rttt so sorry if someone has mentioned this already but there is a meet up board on here. It’s doesnt seem overly well used, yet I see a lot of these threads. Just publicising in case useful!

hopewardrobe · 26/05/2019 07:06

If anyone is in or near Sussex or wants to be pen friends (is that still a thing?) I'm always happy to make new friends and meet new people. Please just message me on here. I would love to hear from you.

worlybear · 26/05/2019 07:10

Just a thought- could you borrow a dog/get a dog?
Dogs need regular exercise and if you go to the same place to walk them, it may be a way to connect with others.
Dog owners/walkers are generally a friendly lot!

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