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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that I don’t really have any friends?

214 replies

mommathatwearspink · 25/05/2019 20:19

I’m not sure why this evening in particular but I just feel so sad Sad
I don’t have any friends really... I have people that I am friendly with, people at work etc but no one that really asks me to go out or to be their bridesmaid, etc. Most of my friends went off to university when me and DP met and we lost contact. Any friends that I have met through DP have either split up with two their DP so we don’t socialise together anymore or just don’t make any effort with me.
I am a nice person, I am kind and friendly to everyone I meet so why do I not have any friends?? I’m only in my late 20s and whilst most girls are going out for a drink with their friends, or going in on hen parties, etc I’m sat here wondering what went wrong?!

OP posts:
autumnleaves15 · 25/05/2019 22:23

I feel similarly OP aged 30, although overall I do enjoy my own company.

I had loads of friends when I was younger in different groups from school, work and uni but over time we've all drifted apart. To be fair, I still have two close girlfriends but we don't live near one another so we only meet up a couple of times per year. My other friends live hundreds of miles away in other towns and countries. I make an effort to visit but can't always afford to, especially those in other countries. We do keep in touch often though by text.

I suppose I don't really have any advice but have been thinking about this a lot recently as I'd like to make some friends locally who are available for a coffee etc rather than solely relying on my existing friends being in town.

I'm keeping an eye here for ideas and I hope you're also able to find some friends soon!

ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 22:24

@DottieLottie1 same! I'm a nice person, I promise! But sometimes I think it doesn't work in my favour.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 25/05/2019 22:27

I think you’re probably right. lots of people on social media having lovely weekends with loverly groups of friends.

These threads come up quite often and each time I find myself nodding along in recognition. Ironically, being alone is the one thing we are all not alone in!

But I found myself doing the thing you mention above OP. I was supposed to go to a long planned event with my only friend yesterday, but she had a family crisis and had to drop out. I went alone anyway and it was ok-ish, about 20% as nice as it could've been. I posted on social media and it sounded like the event of the century - but honestly? It was more to convince myself I hadn't had a shit time.

But apart from shop staff/event refreshment sellers, I haven't spoken to another person since middle of last week. I don't have ANYTHING social planned for as far ahead as I can see.

mummahubba1 · 25/05/2019 22:27

Same here. I have no friends. Literally not even one it bothers me but at the same time it doesn't

Sleepinginthebathroom · 25/05/2019 22:29

Same. Tonight my DH went out with his friends. I stayed home alone. I enjoy being alone. But it takes the shine off when you're not just choosing it, it's your only option. I know it impacts dh too because he's v conscious that if he wants to spend time with his friends it means he's leaving me alone for the day/weekend/week.
I am self employed so work alone. Have moved countries and cities loads and lost touch or friendships aren't as strong. I have about 3 or 4 friends I can txt and maybe about once a year grab a coffee with.
So difficult to make new friends in your late 20s.
I also don't drink and that seems to be one of the biggest issues!

StillMe1 · 25/05/2019 22:29

I have not really got any friends that I can depend on 100%. I feel shy to speak to anyone I don't know. I have had anger from people for something that was not my doing. I have inherited from people and others were not listed. That would be the choice of the person(s) who wrote the Will(s) I inherited from.
I thought I was getting old when I would see the parents of former classmates in the Death Announcements. Now there are people who were around my age who are dead. Others who got early retirement have moved to be closer to their children or even moved abroad.
I am also disabled and I wonder if some are thinking I will need care in the future or perhaps the limitations of my health affect how people see me.
I am not so sure that I would want to see the people who were nasty when I inherited. I really needed family and friends then.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 25/05/2019 22:36

I'm sure I could do more to meet people but that would mean doing less of the things I currently enjoy (whether I do the things I like because I am solo; or I'm solo because I do those things is a diff question!)

But tbh, I can't be arsed; nor do I much fancy excruciating small talk (I'm my own worst enemy!), so I just carry on planning life assuming I'll be doing everything alone anyway. At least I'm never disappointed that way!

DottieLottie1 · 25/05/2019 22:37

@ImsorryFofty, maybe we could r friends! Though bet we live far far apart..,,, SE here Grin

DottieLottie1 · 25/05/2019 22:37

Be... obvs Hmm

ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 22:40

@DottieLottie1 London here!

jessicawessica · 25/05/2019 22:45

So may people in the same situation.
Come on MN we need a group for people like us!

DottieLottie1 · 25/05/2019 22:49

So not that far away @ImsorryFofty, I live in a north London home county

fraumaximoo · 25/05/2019 22:50

I'm the same. Losing contact with my group of friends as they're still out drinking, partying, being single and childfree.., and I'm a mum. Can't even seem to get any mum friends despite going to groups 6 days a week. My DS is now 3 so I'm assuming the mum friends thing just isn't going to happen now.

RaptorWhiskers · 25/05/2019 22:55

I’m less upset about not having friends than I am about being a person that nobody wants to be friends with. I see some awful people who others still want to be friends with - I’m obviously even worse than that because nobody wants to be my friend. I try hard to be decent and kind and pleasant, so it’s really hard to accept that I’m obviously a terrible person.

OldAndWornOut · 25/05/2019 22:57

I'm south east; Essex.

newjobnerves · 25/05/2019 23:01

@RaptorWhiskers I hear you, I often ask myself what's wrong with me, I have this insecurity that nobody likes me and everyone is judging me. Though in reality I'm sure it's worse, I'm sure they don't think anything of me at all.

ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 23:03

@RaptorWhiskers I get it I really do. I know some not very nice people who treat their friends awfully but always seem to get away with it. I'm nice and was always there for my oldest friends, supported them through tough times, then I was dropped because I was suddenly the one who needed support and they didn't want to know. It really hurts, doesn't it? I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Just know that you are not alone in feeling like this. I'm so glad I came across this thread tonight for that very reason

lalafafa · 25/05/2019 23:04

I didn’t make friends from toddler groups with my first child but have made loads since the kids started school. I then tagged along to toddler groups with new school friends when we all had more children. I’m still friends with people I met when the my Dd started reception, she’s nearly finishing secondary now.

Ragwort · 25/05/2019 23:07

But do you honestly get out and about and actively do things to meet new people?

I have moved a few times since I became a mum, when I had my DS we had just moved away from family & friends due to work and knew no one. We had to actively get out and meet people and that meant getting involved in community events, Church, WI, local sports, baby groups, volunteering etc etc etc until we met people we got on with, we took turns at going out whilst one stayed in with the baby (at the same time having to cope with serious health issues & hospital appointments for our child).

I cannot stress enough that you really have to make the effort ... but we ended up with a huge circle of good friends; since those days we have moved a lot but I do the same, get out in the community, get involved and have made many, many friends.

RaptorWhiskers · 25/05/2019 23:12

But do you honestly get out and about and actively do things to meet new people?
I joined hobby groups and failed to be accepted into cliques. I was treated pleasantly as an acquaintance but that’s all. Then others joined after me and I watched as they were accepted and included, given nicknames, hugged goodbye, invited on nights out outside of the hobby. And I don’t understand why I wasn’t being hugged or invited out. I genuinely don’t know what’s wrong with me.

bellalou1234 · 25/05/2019 23:13

Ive met my people

LimitIsUp · 25/05/2019 23:14

I can't join Ladies Circle - they have an upper age limit of 45!

Whilst I have two small groups of friends, we don't see each other all the time - roughly once per month, so it still seems lonely at times. I too am introverted and a little reserved, but would like to hope that I have plenty of redeeming features.

I've thought about why I don't have more friends - does this resonate with anyone; I am careful not to impose on new people - perhaps they don't want to know me? So I hold back a bit - but this could be interpreted as stand offishness on my part or lack of interest? I am in fact interested but would hate to be tolerated out of politeness so in my pains not to be 'pushy', I might appear not bothered?

I think I have learnt belatedly (am 50) to treasure every good friend you make. There are a handful of friends in the past where we were really on the same wavelength and totally got one another... and then they or I moved away and I failed to put the effort into staying in touch. it was generally me who was the flake

ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 23:14

@Ragwort I can only speak for myself but it really helps to hear that it worked for you. I'm trying to find groups to join and it's good to hear that it can work. Thank you

ImsorryFofty · 25/05/2019 23:15

@bellalou1234 hello Smile

WhiteRedRose · 25/05/2019 23:15

@NoYo I'm in the NW and up for it! 🙌