To feel sad that I don’t really have any friends?

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m not sure why this evening in particular but I just feel so sad
I don’t have any friends really... I have people that I am friendly with, people at work etc but no one that really asks me to go out or to be their bridesmaid, etc. Most of my friends went off to university when me and DP met and we lost contact. Any friends that I have met through DP have either split up with two their DP so we don’t socialise together anymore or just don’t make any effort with me.
I am a nice person, I am kind and friendly to everyone I meet so why do I not have any friends?? I’m only in my late 20s and whilst most girls are going out for a drink with their friends, or going in on hen parties, etc I’m sat here wondering what went wrong?!

Start a group! In my case i began a group based around a hobby of mine, and had 4 people reply. We met up, and are still meeting monthly over 20 years on. We don't now do the original hobby, but have diversified and do anything that takes our fancy. Also in our town there is a 'friendship group' for people in your situation. The thing is, if you are the one to start it it's easier as you don't have to join an established group where cliques have already formed. It takes time to form friendships, so start now!

Same here. Throughout school I had a few friends but not best friends, I always felt like I was tagging along. At 16 I had my first child and nobody wanted to know me after that, I've never been clubbing or had a girls holiday and the only hen night I've been on was my sister in laws and that was a tea party for family (kids included).

I'm now 35, have 4 DC and my only friend is DH, he has lots of friends and often goes out to watch football, drinking or to play bowling and tbh I do get a little jealous but it's not his fault so try not to show it. I know if I ever wanted to go out he'd be happy for me. I sometimes wonder if I'm too old to make friends now especially close friendships

Just checked Ladies Circle and there isn't one near me... story of my life

I dont have friends andd tbh, im glad of it. I have had close friends in the past but now im happy not too. To me, friends can be hard work!

I've just read the majority of the thread and there's so much opportunity just within itself for possible friendships!

I'm NW (Manchester) if there's anyone else wanting to make friends locally!

@LimitIsUp they apparently have a tangents club related to them for 45+. Found this out after sending a query form off wanting to know why they discriminate women on age. As we get older it's even more difficult to make friends and is isolating even though as a generation we're living longer.

Should have delved in to the website a bit more before I sent that off.

Come on - I know you want doorstep friends but make friendship happen.

1. Make a WhatsApp group and Facebook group and add each other
2. Set questions that force intimacy:

Times you have been happy / sad/ embarrassed/ worst job/ worst date...

1. Set questions that allow you to share random stuff and move towards an event /arrangement to meet up

In short condense down months of waffle and make friends with each other .

1. Don’t bet against anyone becoming a friend - one of my best friends was twice my age and a man. We adored each other. Another man was significantly younger than me. My female friends span a forty year range. One great friend I thought I disliked for a few years-turned out she was fab!!

@MumGoneCrazy there's not one near me either. Are you in the northeast?

I am the same as pretty much everyone here. Moved to Northumberland 3 years ago. Tried the local groups but they're so cliquey I couldn't break through. So sat feeling even worse as it's harder being lonely surrounded by people. If it wasn't for my dp I wouldn't speak to another adult for weeks.

Same. Either the friends I had were just fair weather and once I started getting my shit together they didn't drift away so much as disappear. Other friends just stopped bothering once I met my now DH and then when I moved away, kids etc they were non-existent. It was not through lack of effort on my part.

Work mates have gone as soon as I've moved on and are now just Facebook contacts.

Now in a new area again, have tried to get friendly with ppl and no ones biting. Ppl don't seem to want to accept new friends or have the time to anymore.

Im now a sahm and completely isolated. I hate it

@baubled I'm in Liverpool but we could always start a Warrington Ikea club in the middle 😂

Following as my husband has no close friends apart from one in Chicago and I often feel bad for him as when we had our sons he didn't even have anyone to go for a drink to celebrate with

Morning fellow loners
I decided to not make my lack of friends such an issue and just crack on. I do everything one is meant to do, I’m not too forward, lm friendly, happy, cheerful, intelligent, caring and I have time to listen. I have a ‘friend’ who is indiscreet, bitchy, unreliable and is surrounded by people. I could be in her friendship group but I find her insufferable (old school friend). This makes me sad and I wonder if I’m just too fussy.
I feel that Facebook pulls me down and I can’t help looking but I try to limit this as it sets me off.
I am considering getting a dog as I think this might be the answer !
It makes me feel better that I’m not alone when I read these threads.
I hate bank holidays with a passion as they highlight the vacuum - I have 2 Sunday’s in a row and I’ll have to wreck my brains as to what to do that doesn’t cost £.
I have friends in different countries, a small family I hardly see and I’m a single parent. I wonder if I stayed in my last relationship simply due to fear of being alone. I know I did actually.

I’m just worried about how friendships in the early years are directed by parents. Your mum’s friend comes round with her kid and you play together while the mums have a cuppa. Or the mums arrange an outing together with their kids.

I can’t offer that to my DS. I have no friends to come round with their kids or arrange an outing with. I don’t take him to toddler groups because I just stand there silent and awkward while the other mums ignore me. He has no friends because I have no friends.

I worry that me being rubbish at making friends will mean DS has none because I can’t bring mum friends and their kids to him. Or even worse, I worry that whatever makes people not want to be my friend has rubbed off on him or been passed genetically. I don’t want him to have an unhappy and lonely life like I have.

Interesting post @RuffleCrow, thank you!

Yep! Same here.
I moved up here 10 years ago, I have lots of work mates, but not proper friend friends that I go out with. There are only 2 of those- 1 who I met walking the dog (the dogs are best friends now!), and the other who I met as our children went to the same nursery, they now go different infant schools but we meetup quite regulary and go and do things.

I used to be very popular at school as a teenager but then moved around the country with my Dad's job and lost touch with all my school friends. Returned to my home town years later and everyone had moved on. Managed to pick up a few friends through having children.

Then emigrated to the other side of the world with DH..after several years moved back to the UK again. Tried to reconnect with the few friends I had, but everyone had moved on or people seemed to not really bother reconnecting with me.

I have a really small family and now the only true friends I have is my sister and a lady who lives around the corner from me. She is extremely popular herself and has loads of girlfriends. We tend to catch up for a coffee once a week. It's embarrassing when she asks what I have been up to. She rhymes off all the stuff she has been doing or people she has seen.DH very often works weekends and the kids have grown up now so if my sister is busy, through working (or seeing her own group of friends) I tend to find myself on my own. I feel like billy no mates and feel like a "tagger on" to either my sister or neighbour.

I've tried joining the gym or meet up groups but the gym wasn't a sociable place as everyone was head down wearing earphones and the meet up groups didn't really suit me as they were mostly older divorcees.

@baubled

Im NW too but half an hour north of Manchester.

I had great friends all through school, university and travelling. Moved to a small town five years ago and it’s been bloody hard to make friends. I have a lovely daughter husband and home but I yearn for good girlfriends

I always post on these threads because I am the same. I have ASD so people find me odd. I am actually nice though! I live in the Lakes and I haven't even had anyone I'm in touch with from uni asking me if they can use me as a holiday base. There's no Ladies Circle (closest is in mid Lancs) and it took a Meetup group a month to add me and there's nothing running. The WI host all their events here on a weekday morning and I'm at work. I've been let down by so many people I have sort of forgotten how to be friends. I don't have any mates from school and I don't live where I grew up. I have no children so I'll never meet anyone via baby group etc. My workplace is almost entirely men who will not invite you out for a pint, even though I'd enjoy a drink and a chat. I am not shy, either. At least DH is cool...!

I feel exactly the same! I’m not on social media of any kind (personal reasons), toddler groups tend to be in the morning when my little one is having a nap so I miss them. I’m at the local library at least twice a week, out at the park most days, museums once a week, so I am trying but just can’t seem to meet anyone! The Mums I met swimming that I’d started making friends with have now gone back to work so I don’t see them anymore.

“The WI host all their events here on a weekday morning and I'm at work.”

Unfortunate about the timing in the PP’s case, but actually the WI could be a good shout for anyone looking to make friends! I’m in London and have several active groups near me. Has anyone managed to meet others through a WI group?

Same here OP.

We've moved three times in the last three years. I have made ONE friend during that time during maternity leave. That's trailing off on her end now that I've moved away. I have three friends from my home town, but don't hear from them much (busy lives, other ends of the country) and most friends dropped me after I had DS.

I try. DH is away most weekends, so I can't commit to anything like volunteering as we live miles away from family with no one to sit with DS. There are no toddler groups running at weekends that I can take DS to, and I'm the first to drop off/last to pick up parent when it comes to nursery, so no chance of chatting with other parents there.

I'm staring a new job in the next few weeks and I'm really hoping to strike up friendships there. I've been to a few groups with DS during our time off and they've all been pretty crap. I've made small talk, asked about their little ones, etc. I'm really friendly, chatty, genuinely interested in them... but of the three mum's I've spoken with two have made the 'oh' face at me working full time (assume they don't think I'm worth the effort if they won't see me in the week) and the other decided I wasn't the wife of someone a high enough in rank to associate with everyone else has largely ignored me.

It's shit. It's lonely. DH is going away for six months in the new year, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage without at least one friend here.

I'm the same but I'm wary of people and at middle age it wont happen. I have a couple who were ohs friends before we met. Ive known them 23 years. But I didn't go to her brothers funeral and they've been cool with me since. My partner went. I never met her brother in 23 years.
So they will always side with partner so I can't count them as my mates really.

There’s that app Mush which I had a little look on a few months back but it didn’t look right for me. Lots of young teen mums in my area. I’m early thirties so don’t think I’d have much in common with them!

I joined our local branch of WI but it was mostly middle aged/retired women who already had their friends with them, I guess it was nice as company in the moment but I felt even more lonely there sometimes and it didn't turn into friendships. Obviously I don't mean anything derogatory by the age, but just that they're in a very different point of their lives than me, so I guess harder to find the middle ground to start a friendship in the first place. Similarly, I joined a different group with mostly women in their early 20s, but filtered away from that group when they started going clubbing, I was never a clubber in my 20s let alone 30s 😂