To feel sad that I don’t really have any friends?

[mommathatwearspink]

I’m not sure why this evening in particular but I just feel so sad
I don’t have any friends really... I have people that I am friendly with, people at work etc but no one that really asks me to go out or to be their bridesmaid, etc. Most of my friends went off to university when me and DP met and we lost contact. Any friends that I have met through DP have either split up with two their DP so we don’t socialise together anymore or just don’t make any effort with me.
I am a nice person, I am kind and friendly to everyone I meet so why do I not have any friends?? I’m only in my late 20s and whilst most girls are going out for a drink with their friends, or going in on hen parties, etc I’m sat here wondering what went wrong?!

There are definitely groups that you could join/try.
Meet-up seems to be quite popular
Park run
WI (some are less fuddy duddy now)
Rock choir

Sometimes though it’s just life and luck that leads a person not to have friends. I am lucky in that I have some great friends from different times in my life, but it’s not a homogenous group so mostly it’s a smaller group or one-to-one. When I was younger then we used to go out in groups more I suppose.

What would be lovely now is a small group of families w similar aged DCs who all got on that we could see regularly at weekends but that never happened! I know people have this though either with cousins or friends.

I really struggle with child care which is why I’m trying to make mum friends so that I can meet friends with little ones so that they can have a play together too.

I have relocated twice in my life, the best way to find friends is to find people with the same interests as you as this brings you together. Maybe that Mum at the school gate is lovely but how likely is she to share my interest in the American Civil war, the social impact of disease through history, widening participation, Fortnite and other games. Well she may hate Fortnite but I play it.

I helped set up and run a women’s rights group thirty years ago, one of the other women is still to this day one of my closest friends. She moved overseas but we still Skype regularly and clink the glass on our I pads with our cups of tea that we drink together.

As adults you need to find something that binds you. Having a laugh about what’s on the tv and chatting about the weather is the kind of stuff that’s at the level of a friendly acquaintance and unlikely to lead to a lasting friendship. Just like the Mums at the school gate if it’s only your dc you have in common it will not last.

I have done a lot of voluntary work over my life, mainly political campaigning and also around food poverty and how to alleviate it. Plus I have sung in a couple of choirs. I have also made friends through gaming and met up with them in real life. So all those people have had a common goal, amongst them I found people I genuinely get on with that have similar interests, values and beliefs.

Voluntary work and shared hobbies are the way forward.

Reading all this has made me strangely optimistic in a way. I mean there are so many of us here, there must be loads of similar people in our own towns, people who would love us to try to become friends.

I watched a new girl in work once, it was the most unfriendly place and I hated it. This new girl joined and immediately tried to make friends, started just joining in conversations etc. And they were cold to her, like they were to everyone, and tried to be unfriendly, but the thing is it didn't put her off! She kept being friendly and chatting to them and before long they absolutely loved her! It was fascinating to watch and a real lesson. Have never been able to copy her though

I keep checking the meet up thread on here but there never seems to be anything going on. When I did ask on an active thread when the next meet up was, I never got a reply and nothing ever happened!!

Also when these threads come up I always think / what puts me off a person - eg the person at work who you actively avoid.
For me it’s the sense of desperation, officiousness, a bore, no sense of humour (am not saying this is one person but there’s usually a combo of a couple of factors). I’m not saying these people aren’t nice or kind in themselves but to me that isn’t enough (and overly nice is a bit false or too full on sometimes).
I’m actually meeting an old work colleague today who I just clicked with. She left but I’m still there so we talk about work stuff, our kids, etc. There are other people who have left who I have no desire to see again!!

I’m exactly the same OP. 27 with not a single friend really.

It is horrible knowing I’ll never be anyone’s bridesmaid and that as I get older and have big birthdays etc no one to celebrate with, no one to invite round for a drink etc. It’s really really sad.

Feel free to PM your location to see if we might be close by.

It’s not as easy as just starting a hobby, I know they.

I’m not having a hen party as I only have two friends I could invite - who I have known from school! It amazes me when I see hen parties of a dozen women. Are they the bride’s sisters? Work colleagues?

My BFF is male.

I’m not really bothered though. I’m not a huge fan of people. Making friends as an adult is hard. I did an evening class, I do volunteering in a school and a went to a military wives coffee morning a couple of times. No friends were made!

I'm in Liverpool too.

I do have friends but they are bloody toxic and I'm taking a step back from them and making new ones. Sick of the bitching and nastiness. I'm a simple person, love simple things in life and have no time for negativity in my life.

So anyone looking at me would think I have loads of great mates. They drain me, drag me down and stress me out. Friendship shouldn't be this hard!

I'm up for setting up a Liverpool/north west meet up

Zoflora

Fellow scouser here, please count me in!

I’m also in Liverpool! I bet you’ll be avoiding me now though after my rant 😂

Reading this, and including myself in it, I think feeling isolated whatever age you are, is way more common than many people realise. You're not on your own OP. I've moved house so many times since I was late teens. Now thirties and lost lots of friends along the way

Fellow scouser here, please count me in!
Yeah me too but I'm two counties away!

I'm introvert with trust issues which impacts my confidence and anxiety levels
Don't have any friends to meet up with etc I'm okay with it some of the time but like others when I read/hear about "Girlie holidays" and days out it makes the realise how lonely I am.

@mommathatwearspink OP if you have kids, can you meet people through their activities? Over the last few years that's been my main way of making new friends. It's hard when you're an adult, but it does happen.
I can empathise as when I was in my late teens I was not in a good place, and really struggled socially. But as the years have gone on, I've met lots of lovely groups of people through work, baby groups, school etc, who I was able to socialise with. Those groups where fairly transient, but from them I now have a handful of friends I know I could rely on if life gets hard. That's all I wanted, really.
Where I live there are lots of community activities such as WI, choirs, dance groups etc that have a big social aspect to them. Friendships don't form immediately, but over time deeper relationships will develop.

Yay! We have a little group already. I will PM you later for some ideas, get yer thinking caps on girls

It proves from our small success that maybe disclosing roughly where you are will match up a fellow MNer or two.
Nothing to lose and lovely new friends to gain.

Good luck everyone

Ahhh I too am in the same boat OP.

Lost contact with a lot of friends from my younger days (uni, school) who went on to have families earlier than me, moved across the country etc.

Then, I became self employed and work from home AND moved to a new city. So I'm pretty lonely.

I don't see anybody from one month to the next, except for DH and our parents once a month.

I didn't have a hen do or anything like that.

I've also lost loads of confidence and my sense of identity.

I'm pregnant now and hoping to make some nice mum friends in the future. I've found lots of groups/activities to go to in my city. Hoping I'll find some nice people in a similar position.

@Zoflorabore
@PinkDaydreams
@NoYo
@BobbinThreadbare123

Waves Purple Wheely Bin flag

WhiteRedRose

Oops! I'm the outlier. No purple bin for me anymore. I did used to have one though when I lived in Croxteth Park :)
I'm now on the Liverpool/Knowsley border so mine is maroon- damn wheely bin......

I can’t think of anything worse than a girlie holiday - after a few hours with my friends I am ready for quiet time!

I suppose I am happy with my state of affairs. It must be sad if you want a group of girl friends to go on holidays and have a “night out with the girls” kind of thing. Not for me thank you!

Should we set up a thread in meet ups do you think?

Ooh I didn't know there was a meet ups area. Good idea :)

Done :)

Found you!