Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

[Motheroffeminists]

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry

We have stopped at two. For practicality, for only replacing ourselves in terms of population, because I'm from a two child family and because I have one boy and one girl which is what I'd hoped for anyway.

I've always wanted to know what people mean when they say 'we didn't feel done'. What does that even mean? I mean, you don't actually know what's missing until they are here, right?

ISpeakJive for me it was just as it says - I didn’t feel like I was “done” having children. The thought of stopping at one was just not even a consideration as it was not how I envisioned my family (long before I had a family). The same way some people are adamant they are “never having any more children” it’s just something you know/feel.

To have more than 2 is to much of a risk, you only get benifits up to 2 children now, childcare is more expensive for 3, family holidays, uni costs as they grow up, young adults can’t afford to move out, the average age now for adult children to move out is 25. Unfortunately it is always the woman that is left with the financial, practical and emotional bulk of support for children so the more children you have the more chance you could live on the poverty line, I couldn’t take that risk.