Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

[Motheroffeminists]

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry

I have a baby DS. I am 41, 42 in a few months. I am in a stable and happy marriage and I think we are going to try for one more. I know there aren't any guarantees, but I think I'd be done after two.

I had the maternal urge with my first one. Desperately wanted them. And then if never happened again. I did have an awful pregnancy and still now over 15 years later I’m still suffering from medical problems that having my son have me.
But honestly I never felt the need to have anymore. I’m 43 now and the whole idea makes me shiver 😂

I always thought I would have at least 3, but after being very unwell in my pregnancy (hyperemesis) I knew I could do it again to my DH and DC. It would be 9 months of not being in my family and I don't think DH and DC would cope. It was a decision I made for them, not myself. I spent a few weeks crying but now couldn't be happier. I love my little family.

One child

Reasons to stop were
Age
Cost of childcare in London
My job
Developed PND quite heavily and still have episodes of depression

Meant to say I 'couldnt do it again'

DD(8) DS(9). I had horrendous anxiety after my DD was born and spiralled quite badly. I do think I would maybe have had another child but circumstances made it impossible( I felt I could hardly make it through the day without a meltdown) and I personally never yearned for a third like I had wanted a second.Basically life happened- if that makes sense. I now couldn't imagine having had another child and I feel completely happy that we had two.
Late 30s now and relatively free from anxiety (more good days than bad) I would never want another child. Family feels complete.

I planned for 2 , and seconds after the birth of my DC2, I had a fleeting pang that that was the last time I'll experience birth.

I just knew.

I felt repulsed at the thought of being pregnant again, then as dc2 moved from tiny baby to more interactive to toddler pre school, school ect... the more I didn't want to do it all again so the stronger my feeling of not wanting more grew.

We have 2. I’d love one more but I know we are done because in a practical and financial sense it would be really silly to have another for us. So it’s more head over heart being ‘done’

Never wanted children until a few years ago. DH and I have always been on the same page. When we both changed our minds, we said we would only have one. We have our ‘one’ DS is 18 months and we both still firmly want to stay with one. For loads of reasons - I feel complete now too.

I’m mid thirties by the way...

I’ve just had DS2 and I’m definitely young enough to have more, but I feel done. My reasonings were the cost, the environment and I also just had a feeling that he completed our little family.

One and done. No practical reason, just no desire to do it again. I wanted to experience being a parent, and now I have. I don’t know what doing it again would add to that iyswim.

I'm 30, I have a 4 and 8 year old. We're done.

More children would really stretch us financially. Childcare, bigger house, cars etc

It would challenge our relationship.

I'm not good with the baby/toddler stage. I don't want to do that again.

I'm enjoying having a bit more freedom now they are both older.

I couldn't give 3 the attention they need (struggle with 2 tbh).

I'd like to progress at work soon (4yr old starts school soon!).

I'll be 40 and they'll be 18 & 14....I can't wait to plan adult holidays!!!

Partner had a vasectomy.

I love the kids I have, they are my world but I need my life for me too.

I wasn’t done.

I always wanted more but being sensible stopped me.

I now don’t take the sensible option when my gut tells me otherwise

oh just to add, I also had a maternal instinct/drive for the both DC.

well I wanted 3 but have 2 because my second pregnancy was very difficult. I didn't feel done at all and was very broody. And then suddenly I basically felt done almost overnight and the thought of another child makes me come out in a cold sweat. Mine were both in Ks2 at that point.

stopped at 2 cause

• money

-childcare cost -would have needed a bigger house -bigger car -environmenal impact -one of the DC has complex needs and I don't think I could cope with another disabled child. as there is no guarantee for healthy child despite all the antenatal testing, I thought it is the wisest not to have more -never felt broody/need for a third. I am always when I hear people who already have 2 or 3 or more have yet another one.

Have one DS and I am done. Overriding reason is that the first year was horrific. Also with DS I had an uncontrollable need for a baby and I refuse to have another child without that same feeling but it has never come back (probably because I am not naive anymore)

I have one. Reasons were cost, the environment and the fact I had placenta Previa. Also I seeing my nephew grow up as a very happy only child was reassuring..

I said my maximum would be 3...but would depend on how hands on my DH was.

I would never have had just one child, as long as I didn't have fertility problems.

He wasn't hands on enough for me and I felt constantly skint while on maternity leave and working part time.

He wanted more. I said only if he agreed to my terms...he didn't..so 2 it was ...and I'm more than happy with them.

On top of all that was the pain of labour and I had 2 of one gender.. so I was quite satisfied.

We would have had 4 left to him, but I felt that my life changed the most. Although if I knew then, what I know now....I would have been insistent on him doing more.

I've two and definitely done. They are three and four and I have found it unbelievably hard work. I think it's the 14 month age gap that's near killed me 😂

I would love a 3rd child.

But the earth does not need me to have a 3rd and would be better off with me not having a 3rd.

I have 2 (a boy and a girl). I would quite like a 3rd but I can't face a 3rd c-section.

Oh and over the last year I have become aware of the environmental issues we are facing and I couldn't bring another child into the world now.

I see from this that the reasons are overwhelmingly personal and financial and few people are motivated by the desire to save the planet.