Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

[Motheroffeminists]

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry

DH said no more. I left it for a while in case he changed his mind, but he didn't.

I have one. When she was a baby I considered having another and even researched adoption. Dd was diagnosed with developmental delay aged 18 months. Pretty soon after that I decided she would be my only child. She has complex needs and I have a chronic illness so I think that it would be the worst thing for us to add another person to the mix.

I have one due to time and financial reasons.

Never really had a desire to have any more. I wanted to know what pregnancy, birth and raising a child was like and now I know. I adore DS but don’t want to do it again!

I have 2. Both have Autism amongst other diagnoses. Simply could not cope with anymore. And also I personally feel that environmental impact is a big factor and I sometimes feel guilty about having two so definitely wouldn't have any more!

Definitely done, with 2. Had a bit of a hard time adjusting to being a mum after my first, although all was fine really. Wanted a second just because it felt like the right thing to do and had always wanted dc1 not to be an only (although have read loads of great things about being/having an only!). Had problems conceiving but finally had dc2 and definitely appreciating it all a lot more second time round... Although maybe that's my happiness at this being the last time! No idea what I'd do if I got pg again, really couldn't cope with the attention needs and sleepless nights again - I'm ready to get my life back. I'm 37.

I had one, I was open to having another once he was two or so but that time came and went and I didn't really want another. not for me or for dh. Lots of people have said we should have another so that ds has a sibling but it feels really wrong to me to have a child just to be a sibling to an existing child so we haven't. We've enjoyed being a family of three and doing things at ds's pace rather than him having to wait while a younger child caught up in ability to do things.

The above shouldn't suggest that dc2 wasn't really wanted or loved- he's amazing! Just didn't feel hugely ready for another while dc1 was tiny!

Apart from the issue of being single, for me, it was the thought of breastfeeding a newborn again. I struggled with all three due to thrush and mastitis. Cracked, bleeding nipples are agony. Ds bit me at one point and cut my nipple which wasn't fun. He was teething. Breastfeeding 1-2 hourly and clusterfeeding when a single mum with 2 other dc was hard at times but not too bad really. He's still having a bedtime feed now at 4yo and whilst I am happy to do that, I'm glad our breastfeeding times are slowly (very bloody slowly!) coming to an end. I've breastfed for a total of 9 years of my life and I'll be sad when he stops but I'm ready for that now.
And then there was the horrendous all day sickness that lasted until the third trimester, the blinding headaches, the palpitations,the SPD and crutches from a few weeks in with all 3, the bleeding, the extra scans, the reduced movement scares, the undiagnosed breech and section with dd2, the anti and post natal depression. It all sounds horrendous when added up like that! I was lucky and had two lovely planned home deliveries with dc1 and dc3. I had great support with breastfeeding and felt that being a mum was what I was meant to be. In fact since having ds I've been at sahm and have loved it. I've felt so content. I'm going back to work when he goes to school but I'm so grateful of having had this time with him. He doesn't have his dad in his life at all so I'm all he has and therefore I wanted to be at home with him. I have no regrets and I'm very lucky to be able to say that despite my less than ideal circumstances and horrendous at times experiences.

to all of you that have struggled in whatever way.

Might get a cat...

We had decided on one before TTC. DD is 12 weeks now and is a really easy baby but we haven't changed our minds. When I look ahead and think about the future, I see us as a family of three for everything.

If I had to articulate reasons:

We like a quiet house. Noise and a chaotic home environment aren't for us.

Opportunities. We can give DD a lot of life experiences that would be harder to do with two.

Time. I want to focus my attention on her. I was an only child and loved my childhood and relationship with my mum. I want the same with my daughter.

Finances. Although we are reasonably comfortable, more than one would mean lifestyle changes most likely that would impact on the three of us.

I also don't want to do pregnancy again and spend nearly a year of my daughter's life feeling rotten and being unable to do as much with her.

And I just feel we are done. This is our family, just us three.

I stopped at 2. Occasionally I thought it might be nice to have another, but never seriously wanted it. I knew I wanted a second, because I didn't want my child to be an only child and I was probably influenced by being one of two children.

I knew I only wanted one from the start.I had an awful pregnancy and induction.Never again lol.

I'm finished at 2 and my reasons are:

Environmental impact (biggest reason)
Finances (not enough money for 3)
Space (would have to move)
Congenital defects (one child already has this disorder and there's a high chance of another child having it too).

DH was adamant we stop at 2 anyway due to overpopulation, and I agree with him.

I have 2 and would love another, but there are too many reasons not to, I will probably always regret not having a third but such is life.

I had PND after DS1 so while I was ill I was convinced I’d only ever want one. Once I felt better, I started to think about having another - a sibling for DS, plus another chance at the baby stage I had missed out on. Lots of indecision about when to start TTC, knowing I’d prefer an age gap of 3 years. Accidentally fell pregnant in December & currently 23w with DS2. Lots of people asking if I’ll try for a third in the hope for a girl depending on the frequency of DS’ tantrums, I fluctuate between sticking at 2 & considering a 3rd. I think DH would have a 3rd but I wouldn’t think about it properly until DS2 is at least 3

I had one DS, and was quite content with that. My husband wanted one more, and I thought it would be nice for DS to have a sibling. Fell pregnant on first attempt with twins! This quite literally terrified me - we’d need to move house, get a new car, and completely alter our lifestyles. Sadly one of the twins didn’t make it, and whilst I was genuinely heartbroken at the stillborn twin I felt (and still feel) enormous relief. My family is complete with two children and I have no desire for any more!

Oh & I’ll be 31 by the time DS2 is here

Bit different but mine are twins

I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, I was ill for most of it so didn’t want to do that again
I struggled a lot in the first year and probably had some PND
I was terrified I could have another 2 and knew this would sink me.

When mine started school I had a few pangs of broodiness.

I feel I missed out on the ‘normal’ experience a little bit, but I don’t feel like I need another baby, in the same way I did when we were TTC first time round.

When we decided to start a family we thought two seemed like a sensible number.
#1 was an easy pregnancy and easy baby. When we were TTC #2 I wondered if I'd be done at two or would want more.
In the end I had a difficult pregnancy, horror birth and ds2 Did Not Sleep.
He broke me. Didn't give us a full night sleep until age three, had constant colic and would scream the place down unless being held. Then he was a late talker and tantrummed as he couldn't make himself understood.
He's five now and I am so glad the days of nappies and breastfeeding are behind me. I no longer feel actively nauseous at the thought of another pregnancy but I have no broodiness at all.
When a friend announced her pregnancy I found myself thinking "I'm glad that's not me!"

I'm an only and we agreed to try for 1 pregnancy/child. Wasn't particularly careful with contraception after dc1, and ended up with dc2. I'd have been content with 1, but cannot imagine life without 2 now.

2-3 always seems logistically difficult - cars/holidays/etc.

We are very careful with contraception - dh booked for snip 😆

Two boys, 8 and 2.

Not having anymore:

I have terrible pregnancies (HG)

Horrendous life-threatening births

DH works 12 hour days so would be on my own

I'm 39 this year

Another would mean new car, double pushchair etc

Quite like the little bit of freedom were getting back in terms of night wakings, eating out etc.

I'd end up with another boy and I'd like a girl, but not enough to try again.

And the world is pretty shit, and only going to get worse. Culturally and environmentally.

I have 2 kids (a boy and a girl) and had contemplated having a third but just had major abdominal surgery and doctors have advised me not to have any more kids so I guess I'll be stopping at 2!

Ds bit me at one point and cut my nipple which wasn't fun.

When my DC got teeth, was a sign to stop breastfeeding.

I honestly don't see the point in BF for years on end.

A child can get all the required nutrients from other foods after 9 months.

I enjoyed BF.. but after being bitten I stopped.

I think no matter how many children you have there does come a point where you know that you don't want anymore (generally with the realisation that your period is late and you do a pregnancy test wanting it to be negative)

In my head I thought we were done after the third, then had my youngest 7 years later and after his birth in my heart I knew no more - however when I was offered sterilisation when he was 18 months I couldn't bring myself to do it, however DH has now had a vasectomy and we are done and happy with that

Definitely wanted one then once she was around aged 1 decided I didn't want her to be an only child so had dd2.

We did consider a third briefly but it would've affected the other two too much, we're ok financially, bills paid etc and a 3rd would've meant more childcare costs, me working reduced hours for longer.

Plus I didn't want dd2 to be a middle child and environmentally I didn't think it was a responsible choice.