Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

[Motheroffeminists]

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry

It was financial for us too. Couldn’t afford to move to a bigger house, childcare, etc. I know for a lot of people they don’t take that into consideration because someone else will pick up the tab but it was a massive consideration for us

1. Both almost killed me so we stopped.

One child.

I wanted to be a Mum desperately. I missed my DD before she was born is the only way I can describe it.

Once I had her I was a Mum and there ended the urge.

Plus she was a nightmare baby and I couldn’t cope doing it twice

I had 2, close together. I just didn't want to go through it again - love them dearly, but the thought of doing breastfeeding and nappies again was enough to put me off wanting more.

I have two, a nearly 3 year old and an 8 month old. Very definitely done and want no more.

We always said we wanted two from the outset as concerned about an only child being lonely. My age (nearly 40) a factor in the decision to stop as well as childcare cost. My so-called career bas taken a pounding from two lots of mat leave and dropping to part time. I think a other mat leave would kill it off completely. I physically do not want to go through another pregnancy either.

Eventually me and dh will have something approaching a life of our own and although we are years away from that yet having another child would just delay it even further.

I'm one of four and couldn't imagine only having one child so always knew I'd want two or three. My husband is one of three and said that it was always an awkward number, his sister was left out a lot when he and his brother wanted to play and he only wanted one or two children so we settled on two.

I love being a parent but I consider myself to be quite a lazy mum. I adore my children and will always make sure that they are happy and cared for but I can't deny that I find the sleepless nights, relentless baby and toddler years difficult and I'm looking forward to having a bit of my life back. I just feel I can be a much better parent to two than I would be to three and it makes it easier in terms of not needing a bigger house, car, nursery fees etc

One child.

Always vaguely thought prior to having her that I may have more but it wasn't a desire.

Had her and she's great. Can't imagine having another. Also, working full time, I couldn't imagine having another without feeling utterly exhausted.

Pure vanity. I figure my body looks bad enough after one child without making it worse by having another.

I was 17 when dd was born. So having 2 close together was never an option. Then the conversation never really came up. I've never felt broody looking at babies, loads of friends have babies, and I've never had that pull to have another one.
Things work brilliantly as they are.

Multiple factors - financially we couldn't afford another in terms of childcare/university/clubs/holidays etc, we'd need a bigger house/car, I didn't want to put my body/pelvic floor through another pregnancy/delivery, I hate the baby stage and am finally going to get a bit of time back for myself when DC2 starts school soon, finding babysitters is easier now they're older so our social life is improving again, I just don't see how I could spread myself across 3 kids and be the mum I want to be. Plus the environmental impact of bigger families is becoming a huge issue. I just knew I was done after 2 and haven't felt broody since I fell pregnant with DC2!

I only have 1 DS. Reasons are;
I never felt broody at all - DH wanted a baby much more than I did (now he's here I adore him but I never felt the urge)
DH has a life limiting condition so I had to be prepared to go it alone
I have a busy stressy job that I love - I could not do it with 2 kids.

Reasons were medical, financial and age.

My parents ended up with twins for their third pregnancy and ended up with 4 kids instead. So that's always put me off a third.

Stopped at two mostly for economic reasons - 3 would have meant having to buy much bigger house ultimately, bigger car, and I did not have earn enough for work to pay if I had more than one in ft childcare (and I wasn't cut out to be SAHM, so taking years out of work not an option). We would be spreading ourselves quite thin financially to have more than 2.

Also I wanted babies over by the time I was 35 because I have a condition that might have made running after little kids quite strenuous if I had them when I was older than that, but that was a secondary concern.

And in part, we got lucky twice - DD was an easy baby and toddler, we were sure second child would be a demon to make up for that but no, he was pretty easy too - both good sleepers, healthy, nice temperaments. A third might have been tempting fate!

If money were not a concern, I'd have gone for a third (I am youngest of 3), but I have no wistfulness about not having had another.

We are adopters and a family link came up but we knew it wasn't for us. Easy decision.

passthecherrycoke But worrying about the environmental impact of having children and worrying about impending climate/ecological catastrophe and the world they will grow up in are not quite the same thing. They are related sure but you don’t have to be altruistic to worry about the latter. I’m scared as fuck as the world my two kids will grow up in and that feeling has only grown in the last year with eg the report on species extinction this week, ie since my second was born. But I’m not sure I would have not had a third if I was purely worried about their carbon footprint, if that makes sense.

I always wanted 2. I was one of 2, dh was 1 of 2, that just seemed normal to us.It was a hard road to get there, with 3 mcs, but once I had my 2 that was definitely it!

I love DD too much and I feel like if I had another baby she would have “less” and that makes me feel so uneasy. She is literally a dream come true and I don’t think I would get so lucky twice.
She has a cousin 18 months younger who we see a few times a week so I don’t think she is missing out by not having a sibling.
My pregnancy was awful. I was sick as a dog and pregnancy anxiety had me suicidal. The NHS was useless so I’d be petrified to do it again

I always wanted three - two girls, then a boy was my "ideal" - this was before I had any and hadn't a clue!

I have two DDs 15 months apart and there is absolutely no logical reason for me to have a third...and yet...

I HATE the first two years, I found/find it mind-numbing drudgery filled with tedium and near constant irritation. I'm just not patient and selfless enough to be the type of mother I'd envisioned.

I found Pregancy: Awful
Birth: Awful
Breastfeeding: Awful
Newborns: Awful
Sleep Deprivation, reflux, weaning, teething, carrying them around all the bloody time...awful, awful, awful.

No matter how much I remind myself of the above, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not "done". It's infuriating! I don't want to want a third, but I just do. Grrrr....

I have one DS, I knew I was done at one when I first found out I was pregnant. To be completely honest I hated every second of pregnancy and counted down the hours until it was over. The horrendous labour and birth sealed the deal.

For me I've always said I'd only have one, if any, from a young age. Everyone said I'd change my mind. Best decision ever.

DP only wants one because of the costs and time. He feel aid we had another we wouldn't be able to devote as much time as we do to both children. He also thinks if we had two we wouldn't be able to have the lifestyle we do now.

I did feel broody for a while after dd2, but it passed eventually. Head over heart really - cost of everything, bigger house, car, holidays. Dh and I both came from bigger families, well looked after, but hardly ever any money for extras that many of our friends had. We didn't want our two to be like us.

One of my dds thinks a bigger family would have been great, but she never knew what it was like to be well aware from a very young age that there was never any spare cash, so you didn't even ask for anything.

I have 2 kids. Both have health problems which means it's time consuming and stressful. H, now XH, left us so that was the end of that.

Had one and the main reason I'm done is that when I said it out loud it was like a weight was lifted off me. I felt happier as soon as I said the words and I knew!

I have one and we are not having more.

The birth was horrendous and ended with a c-section. I'd have to have another c-section and feel like I'd be pushing my luck to do it again.

DS wasn't an easy baby tbh and the first 12 months were really hard. He's 5 now - eats well, sleeps well, is at school and is generally great. I don't want to upset the apple cart by adding a baby into the mix.

I have taken a promotion since having DS and work is going relatively well so I don't really want to take 12 months out.

I feel lucky that we can give DS a really good life and I wouldn't want to risk that.

I am an only child and so is my dad, so for me having one child is almost the norm. I desperately wanted to be a mum, and suffered two miscarriages before our long awaited DS arrived. I had a really terrible birth, which led to PTSD. I would do it all again for our beautiful son, but that's it. He was all I'd ever wanted and I felt truly complete. I knew I was 100% done and did not want another child. He is my world and I simply can't imagine loving another child when he is all I ever wanted.

"Fuck doing that again" said as I came round from d's birth 8 years ago.

Never changed my mind.

Have zero regrets at having one child. I'm full of love and wonder at my child but not maternal iyswim? I had no cravings for motherhood at all, DH and I got to a certain age and thought 'now or never' and had DS at 36 (me) and 38.We

We got a dog 3 years ago, she and DS are thick as the thieves