Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

[Motheroffeminists]

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry

I wasn't done.

But I'd had 2 uncomplicated c-sections (one an EMCS) and certainly didn't want to push my luck with a third.

3 bed house and not wanting not risk financial stability either.

I have one and would happily not have any more but I feel like it would be a shame to deprive him of siblings. He's just turned 3 so I think we will need to start trying again within the next year or we won't at all.

Is this ridiculous?

I am a really risk adverse person but it amazes me how few people base their decision on money, which I did. We’re quite high Earners but need to pay for FT childcare, have a small 3 bed house and can’t afford to replace the cars. For me that’s enough to stop at 2 (no 2 due any day!)

Bit unemotional I suppose

Ds (dc2) was a nightmare sleeper. He didn't sleep through regularly till 3 and even then (even now at 9) is prone to night terrors, nightmares and sleepwalking. I was too tired to contemplate any more until he starting to sleep better and I'm now not prepared to start again.

Also I'm one of 5 with big age gaps between 2&3 and 4&5. It basically meant that my parents didn't have time for me from the age of about 8 as the babies obviously needed more attention. I love my siblings but it wasn't great.

I had a nightmare birth, nearly died. When the midwife came for the birth control talk before I left hospital, I told her the only contraception I wanted was to be sterilised. I did get pregnant after DS but I miscarried, my body knew it wasn't safe for me to have another child. I've never regretted it.

Didn’t have a choice as DH died before DD2’s first birthday.
DD1 was 2 years old at that point, so I had my hands full working as a hospital doctor and raising two DC alone.
Given the environmental catastrophe the Earth is now facing due to overpopulation, I’m glad I don’t have the guilt of producing more than two future consumers and polluters.

I have two. I couldn’t face another one.

After baby number 2 DH had the snip and that was that. I was broody for number 3 but DH has arthritis and didn’t feel he could give enough to 3 children.

Finding life challenging enough with 2, one has ASD and the other has a lot of health issues that aren’t serious but all need dealing with. I think I a third would of broken me.

@Motheroffeminists out of interest we're your first two DCs girls ? Is that why you didn't feel done? I've heard this a lot from people with two of the same sex.

I will be done if we manage to have 2. I have one DS, I would like another, but it's been hard to achieve. I don't think I could do it 3 times.

We have two and I didn't ever feel done, but then biology kicked in and we learned I couldn't have more and now I'm at peace with it. I still think I'd have loved a couple more, but I also think that desperately wanting something unattainable is the fastest way to forget the lovely things I do have, so yep, we're done and two is lovely.

We have one DS. He’s amazing and I feel fulfilled with just one. I will enjoy parenting him instead of making my life busy and stressful. Plus the planet is so overpopulated already.

I only wanted two DC and that's what we have, but since having the DC, I can see why people have more.

Having a third child would mean that we couldn't have the lifestyle that we would like - which is enough money to pay the bills and a few treats.

Think we'd like to have another one (currently 1DC) but not for at least another 18 months. I'd like to make sure we can reuse everything from this DC rather than having to buy a second cot, double buggy etc

No more than two though as we'd need a bigger house, bigger car, holidays would be difficult plus we're getting on a bit and I constantly live in fear of pissing myself when I sneeze, don't think a third baby would help.

When we decided to have DC we planned on two.

After I miscarried planned DC2 we had a proper chat about trying again. We stuck with one as:

• I was desperate to get back to work and two and both of us working seemed too tiring.
• we felt we had a good balance of being "us" still and having plenty of time for DS.

-DH says environmental factors too.

Although I mentally knew that I didn't want another almost straight away after ds2 was born (I had always said 4), the almost physical yearning for more took years to dissipate didn't really finally die down until ds2 was about 10/11.

There some people go again about the impending environment catastrophe as a reason for not having more than two children.

If you were really that concerned you would only have one child or better still none at all.

Always planned on 2, had very high bp in latter stages of both pregnancies which never went away after dc2, stressful birth of dc2 (he needed surgery), post-natal anxiety after dc2, and also just couldn't contemplate the idea of going through childbirth again. The only nightmare I ever really have is a recurring one in which I discover I'm pregnant!

I always thought I'd have 2 but I have my 1 19 month DS and me and my DH are very much done!
Partly space and finances but mostly I don't think I could mentally and emotionally cope with 2.
At the moment me and DH can tag team if he's being difficult and can get some guaranteed rest. The thought of another fills me with dread!

Hmm. I have one. I biologically would like another, ie I get broody, and I worry DS might feel either one of us a burden when we're old and infirm (ie no-one to share the potential load with), however my brain says it's not wise. I'm pushing 40 and low on energy. I'm not wealthy. We don't really struggle day to day but we don't have foreign holidays so a second child may stretch us too much when they're older. I'd like to think we might be able to afford some luxuries later in life than closing that door entirely. Ds was a tricky baby and still doesn't sleep well and DH is terrified of that happening again. I'm a bit scared of rolling the dice again and it going wrong. I couldn't cope with severe disabilities, as awful as that sounds, but would never terminate a pregnancy. I console myself 1 is best for the planet (above none)

Because I'm fucking knackered

I always thought I wanted two or three, but since having our first baby 16 months ago, me and my husband both feel as though we are done.

I am a stay at home mum and having another one would impact us financially I think. I want to be able to travel, & for our daughter to be able to have as many opportunities as she can.

I also don’t feel like I could give another baby everything that I have given her - for example I exclusively breastfed (still am) and I don’t know how I would be able to deal with cluster feeding etc with an older child to look after.

Plus, I just don’t think I want two children. I loved pregnancy, birth and the newborn stage and sometimes get a pang for that experience again, but I know they don’t stay like that for long!

DD was such an easy baby. Shed only wake up once during the night. By 3 months she was sleeping right through
I thought I'd quit while the going was good. I think I was scared of ending up with one like me as a baby a crier who didn't sleep!!!!.

We have just one and wouldn't mind another but money gets in the way, or rather, lack of money.

But the thought of not having another child doesn't devastate me. I get a little sad sometimes that DS might not have a brother or sister but I am so happy with my little family!

I have an only child. He’s 7. I don’t feel done or complete but I feel like it’s the best option. We have a 2 bed and I’m happy with the time and experiences I can give him. I also worry about overpopulation and pollution.

We have one 4 month old dd. Was a long time to get here after a first trimester mmc, stillbirth and second trimester mmc. This pregnancy I had placenta previa in what sounds like the worst case possible. Hospitalised from 33wks with the idea of hysterectomy broached during delivery. I got away with it this time, next time who knows.

Would never put myself through that again or ddand tbh I didn't enjoy the first few weeks at all. Loved dd and was elated to finally have a baby but can't imagine doing all that again. Dd had a problem with her milk my csection scar has just healed this week. No just no. If I could be sterilised I would.