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Parents of one or two children-how did you know you were "done" and why ?

204 replies

Motheroffeminists · 09/05/2019 17:09

Inspired by another thread.

I'm wondering why those who have one or two children decided to stop at that number, and if they would have liked more? (if it was a conscious decision and not due to medical reasons).

I always wanted two children, one of each, as most children probably do as they are growing up and thinking about when they will have children of their own.

I had two children during my marriage and then we decided to try for number three. My husband decided around the same time to try his luck with a much younger model Hmm and buggered off so I was very glad I didn't conceive then.

Since then I've had another child and am so glad I did. I felt I wasn't "done" with having children when I had two. It was quite a difficult emotion to have as I was just into my later 30s and was in a long distance relationship (that didn't last.) But it was such a pull to have another child. Like the yearning to have my first. I found out I was pregnant once I'd finished that relationship so not ideal but I have no regrets about having my ds.

Once my ds turned 2 and I started dating I was asked if I would have any more children. I was 40 then so time was an issue. My conclusion was that I would carefully consider it if a new partner hadn't children of his own and really wanted a child (once we'd been together for about 18 months or so at least). I'm now 42 and single and wouldn't contemplate another even if in a stable relationship. I am "done." I'm content. This is my family. Nothing is missing.

Did you feel complete after one or two? It's different for everyone and I'm on no way suggesting that those with smaller families aren't complete or are missing out. Number of children is a very personal thing and I'm interested to know how people reach their decision to stop having children.

Hope that makes sense, I'm prone to rambling when I'm full of painkillers, sorry Blush

OP posts:
Youngandfree · 09/05/2019 17:35

I can’t say exactly but the minute my dc2 was born I knew I was done, I have one of each so that was nice too!! Also I then suffered with PND so the thought of going through pregnancy and having another baby to contend with made me want to cry!! 😂 hubby then got the snip so no worries from here on in thank god!! I also came from a two child family so that might have a bit to do with it!

GreenEggsHamandChips · 09/05/2019 17:37

Awful pregnancy. Child with SN possibly needing lifelong support. I wouldnt have the emotional or financial resources for any more solo.

I actually said after number 2 I was done instinctively. Cant see me changing my mind now years later.

0ccamsRazor · 09/05/2019 17:38

I have 2 and would not have any more due to environmental impact reasons, i feel that we as humans on an over populated planet should only have one child per person, ie a couple can have 2. However i have a dss also, he is my dh's only child. Neither my xh or his xw have had any more.

cricketballs3 · 09/05/2019 17:38

As much as I and my 2 sisters were loved and cared for I witnessed the struggles my DP had - money, equal time for us, even little things like having to purchase 2 packs of something as there were only 4 in one pack! Therefore I was always determined to just have 2, DH just went with my decision Grin

TeacupTurtle · 09/05/2019 17:39

I wanted a 3rd but my dh said 'NO WAY' & that was the end of that. I had to grieve it for a while.

NorthEndGal · 09/05/2019 17:40

It was financial for us. We have 2, we knew that any more and we would be broke forever, haha

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 09/05/2019 17:42

I have a 5yo and a 6mo baby. We both feel very strongly that we don't want a third, so much so that DH has just booked a vasectomy. There are many reasons why a third baby wouldn't work for us. Both DC gave us a scare when they were first born and both spent time in SCBU (for completely unrelated reasons), they're fine now but was touch and go for a while with both of them so we don't want to push our luck! I didn't particularly enjoy being pregnant either, I suffered with sickness, pelvic pain and dreadful hormonal acne, not an experience I'm keen to repeat.
Then there's all the practical stuff. We're pretty comfortable financially at the moment but another child would be a stretch, especially if all three wanted to go to university. We'd have to change cars. We love our house, it's in a great location near good schools so we wouldn't want to move, but DH works from home and needs to use spare bedroom as an office so if we had a third DC they wouldn't all have their one bedroom. Not the end of the world, I know, but not ideal.

I just can't see any reason to have a third to be honest, but plenty of reasons not to.

Georgeofthejungle · 09/05/2019 17:42

I have a ds and another on the way. I am definitely done. I want ‘me’ back! My freedom and I’m sick of being skint. I love my ds dearly and will this baby of course but I am definitely ready to have nights out with my friends and drink wine on the sofa. Things I can never seem to get round to with small children/babies.

Pipandmum · 09/05/2019 17:43

You stop when you don’t have any desire to have another, of other factors that outweigh that desire.

TiredTodayZzzz · 09/05/2019 17:43

I had HELLP syndrome with my second and me and my baby nearly died. I couldn't risk that happening again and leaving my 2 children behind. I also have no career behind me, I'm now a single parent relying on benefits and am about to start studying to try and make something of my life. I'm not even 30 yet so suppose in 10 years time I could be in a completely different situation and change my but as it stands I want to focus on trying to better myself.

Georgeofthejungle · 09/05/2019 17:45

should just clarify ‘nights out’ would probably be 1 night out now and again. The wine on the sofa though... Grin

AnnieMay100 · 09/05/2019 17:45

I always wanted a minimum of 3 ideally 4/5 but after a divorce with exh when youngest was a baby I stopped at the 2 we had already. The longing has never stopped but I’m still single so it’s unlikely the chance will come. If the chance came I’d definitely go for it though. I’m happy with the 2 I have of course but it’s hard to feel content when you wasn’t finished and had plans for a third. Most people tell me they knew they were done after the last because they either couldn’t face going through it again or couldn’t afford it.

alligatorsmile · 09/05/2019 17:45

DH has always wanted another, I could only ever think of having one. Awful pregnancy and traumatic birth and then really struggling with baby and toddler stages, there is no way I could do it again.

SherlockSays · 09/05/2019 17:46

Because DD is 9 months old and I'm never going through it again Grin and she was an 'easy' baby. Knowing I never had to do it again is what got me through labour tbh.

Also, we couldn't afford another set of nursery fees or for one of us to stop work so couldn't have another until she is at school, by which time I'll be 35 and definitely won't want to start all over again.

Ragwort · 09/05/2019 17:47

I have one child, I (mostly Grin) enjoyed the experience but had absolutely no desire/need to do it again. I personally think being a parent is very emotionally draining and I wouldn’t want to have to be responsible for raising more than one child. And I do think the world is vastly over populated.

OddBoots · 09/05/2019 17:49

We have two and had the youngest when I was 25 so still time for more and I loved being pregnant so much that I carried further surrogate pregnancies but we knew we were done with having our own. Mostly it is just an intuitive thing, we felt done but also we had environmental concerns in mind and we wanted me to be a SAHP when they were small but not be out of the workforce too long.

Spudina · 09/05/2019 17:50

I'm done at two. I was one of two and it's great to have a sibling but I never wanted more. We couldn't afford it. I want my life back. My wrecked body could not do that again. I'm too old. I love my career. Environmentally it would have felt wrong. Many reasons.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/05/2019 17:50

I just never wanted another.
I had Dd at 23 and having her was the best thing I ever did.
She's almost 18 and I've never regretted my decision, I wanted to be a Mum, she made me a Mum, and that was that.

TheGoogleMum · 09/05/2019 17:51

I have 1 but she's only 5 months old. Pre pregnancy when we discussed we said we would probably have 2. After finding pregnancy, birth, and sleep deprivation with a baby a lot of hard work I'm not sure I could cope with doing it all again but with an older child to look after. I dont feel like the family is incomplete in any way. I'm not totally ruling it out for one day but at the moment I'm happy if we stick with just one child. I keep thinking about how we can buy her better presents at christmas and take her on holidays more easily with just 1 child which helps me feel better about it.

Mummyshark2019 · 09/05/2019 17:52

Money, relationship, house.

Invisimamma · 09/05/2019 17:54

When my friends announce pregnancies my initial thought is 'thank fuck it's not me'

Obviously I don't verbalise that I am full of congratulations for them Grin.

KavvLar · 09/05/2019 17:55

I have two. Wish I could have more like them! but assisted conception = money that we just don't have. Plus I had horrendous sickness in both pregnancies, if I had that again I would essentially have to opt out of family life for nine months and DH is no longer in a good position to take over. I'm 40 now so trying to get over it and accept the good fortune I already have been blessed with.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 09/05/2019 17:58

I never wanted kids, right from about 12.
I had an unplanned pg at 32.
After much angst, I couldn't have a termination.
But I've never been particularly maternal and found it all a massive shock.
So we didn't shag for 4 years to ensure no more babies.
Now, 13 years on i continue to repeat "bag it or snip it".....ignored 🙄🙄
I only considered another briefly so she wouldn't be lonely. Then i had a check up from the neck up and admitted i didn't want any more.
Still feel bored by babies after a couple of mins, still find toddlers too unpredictable.

Elliesmommy · 09/05/2019 18:02

I'm from a family of 1 boy 1 girl. I always said I would want more than 2. I find being from boy girl family very lonely. I always wanted 5. Currently having number 3 is august and I'm having my tubes removed same day as my planned section. We are done done done. 3 pregnancies in 3 years has been tough , 3 sections in 3 years ouch. Plus I want to give them a good life. I want them to get a good education and go on holidays. Grin

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2019 18:08

I only ever wanted two. So after DC2 was born that was that, I never thought about it again.

V glad too. Teenagers take up a lot of time, money and mental load.

Plus two rounds of the Primary School years are more than enough IMO.

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