To try for a baby with partner of 3 months

[broody19]

I am 39.

Is this madness?

Yes.

Yes, pure madness I’m afraid.

Honestly yes. I think pregnancy/babies can test a lot of really strong relationships, never mind with someone you barely know. Sorry op but I think it's madness

Can you afford to raise the child alone? Do you have sufficient support or could buy it in?

Is the potential father a deadbeat/creep/angry/lazy/abusive type of man?

Unless you’re both desperate for a baby and you would be fine raising it alone.

Yes. But if I’m honest I can see why you’re considering given your age (not being smart, I’m 38).

What does your partner think? Is he someone you actually rate rather than just thinking he’ll do? Could you parent alone financially and emotionally if the relationship went tits up?

Don't be so bloody silly.

Jesus. Yes.

You don’t really know somebody after 3 months, no matter how deeply you think you feel for them.

Yep.

Yes YABU sorry. What's your past relationship history like, how good are you at spotting red flags? Are you just dating atm or do you live together already?

Yes it is what about dating, getting to know each other.

Plenty time to see overtired parents due to no sleep.

Will this be your first baby? Obviously your age is a factor but 3 months is very early. See how things are progressing in another 3 months, then 3 months after that.

Get to know each other first. Does he want a baby?

Are you prepared to go it alone?

Can you cope if he walks and never pays a penny?

Reckon the judgement will fall in yabu but honestly I get it, and I think if you can cope with it not lasting then go for it. Hopefully it will work on both ways. DH and I moved in together at 4 months, now married 6 years with DC2 due

Absolutely. Dont do it.

Yep, it’s crazy. A friend of mine did this and it didn’t turn out so well, she had a late miscarriage which was heartbreaking and their relationship crumbled.

Pregnancy, birth and child rearing is testing even on the strongest of couples. You don’t know this man at all, it takes years to fully know someone. I take it you also haven’t even lived with him. I understand that your clock is ticking but I would strongly suggest looking into alternatives or at least giving it a year with this man before you jump in head first.

I did a similar thing and yes it is madness but we’re still together two children and 10 years later.

yep madness. i was with my husband 10 years before our baby came and honestly even we have struggled at times. it changes you as a person and will definitely change your relationship. plus you nowhere near know this person enough to commit to them for at least the next 18 years because even if you break up you still have to be in each other’s lives for the child. if it’s your age you are worried about there are tests you can have done to check your fertility levels. if you still have good fertility there’s no reason to rush into having a baby

Surely it's not just about if OP would be happy raising a baby alone?
What about the child?

Whilst all relationships can fail, doing something that has a bigger chance of the child growing up without / with only part time access to his father, seems thoughtless at best.

Yes absolute madness. Come on.

I did it. Still deliriously happy 9 years later. That's probably as much luck as judgment though. I was early 30's.

Can you cope if your boyfriend will want at least 50:50 child arrangements? Or if he walks? Changes his mind every year? Hits you with court orders / prohibitive steps ever year or two? Dicks around over child support?

Does he even know?

Thing is,there are dozens of cases on here where people did the sensible thing, knew their partners a decade or more before having children in some cases and it still went to shit so time is no guarantee. Lots of posters, including me, could write a book on how the person they thought they knew so well turned into a stranger. There are no guarantees no matter what you do, but as others have said, if you were to do this make sure it's a mutually agreed plan and that you have sufficient resources to cope alone if that is what happens.

I met my partner in March and we were pregnant in December and he was planned (first month ttc). I was 36 at the time.
We are obscenely happy together and he genuinely is the best man I’ve ever known.
However I am very aware that this is part down to luck and timing. If it had been another man it may well have gone very very wrong.
I understand the desire and yearning for a child believe me but waiting another 6/9 months and actually getting to know your partner is not going to make a huge difference.
The absolute worst thing you could do is finally get the baby you so want but have it all marred by a disastrous relationship.

If having a baby wasn't on the cards how would you feel about the relationship?

It's a lot of pressure for the beginning of a relationship to revolve around becoming parents, but not impossible if you are well matched and equally committed AND would be together anyway. If you're forcing it just because you want a baby then it's doomed. I'd wait at least 6-9 months, ideally a year.