To try for a baby with partner of 3 months

[broody19]

I am 39.

Is this madness?

You haven’t answered:-

WHAT DOES HE WANT????!!!

Life’s too short. Your life, your body. Children are hard work but worth it and do strain any relationship regardless of being together a day or ten years . Life is what you make it. I’d say do it/ but there will be no going back.. could be the best decision you ever make x

Length of relationship is no guarantee when it comes to surviving the arrival of a baby.
If he’s willing to try and you can manage if the relationship doesn’t work out then give it go

What does he think?

Id live together first even if it's just a few months.

No. It's what I did! I now have a beautiful 3 month old son And a wonderful partner. I fell pregnant quicker than we thought I would and we've been together 21 months now. It's not been plain sailing but we knew it's what we wanted! If it's what you want to do and you've weighed up the pros and cons than go for it!

I know someone who did this with someone she'd known for twenty years, but been romantically involved with for a matter of months. The baby wasnt even 1 when they split. Now she's a single mum locked in a nasty, costly custody battle. My advice is don't.

All these people saying wait, she's THIRTY NINE! Look, if you're not going to line up a sperm donor and you're willing to co-parent or go it alone, then go for it, not entirely sure why you're even asking. I married my husband after 4 weeks, I was 31, he was 24. We were from different cultures and an international relationship. DC1 did not arrive until 13 months later. She's 17 now and we have two other children. Still married. Go with your gut be prepared for all outcomes. It can go any way. I've got family and friends who were teenagers who got pregnant and are still together 30 years on and family and friends who had been with a person for over a decade, had a child and it fell apart.

If your DP is 100% on board with it, I think you would be mad not to go for it. Many people have covered how dc can be hard, but they are wonderful as well.

Having kids isn't for everyone but for those who desire them it is really important. For everyone on this thread who has a story about a relationship with dc wrong, most of them have ended the post with "but of course I wouldn't be without them". No, of course you wouldn't and why should OP?

Yes it would be great if we could all have a perfect life and after a 5 year relationship be a bride at 27 to the perfect partner, then fall pregnant at 29 and have 2.5 kids. Well it doesn't happen that way for everyone.

I understand how you feel - you want to have a child and time is running out. Do you have a good support network and a good income your self as the likelihood is this man may not be around to parent the child with you?

It’s pretty logic if you think the possibility of coparenting with a bad ex is less bad than the possibility of not being a mum.

I was married years before having my first child, but I would in your shoes.

I say coparenting with a bad ex because that’s more of a worst case in my mind than being a single parent but whichever ..

Is this going to be one of those 'accidents'?

Either way, stupidity. Even thinking of doing it shows that you are only thinking of yourself and not any future child.

I would.

If you’re both on the same page and you think you could both be good co parents in the event of your relationship not surviving then go for it. I can understand your reasons.

If you’re planning to “forget” your pill and trap him, please don’t. If he doesn’t want a baby then please look into sperm donation.

OP, I was roughly your age when my now DH and I decided to try for a baby, three months after meeting.

We said that having a child so early on was a gamble, as it would really test the relationship (it did) but that being together 5 years and having a child can break a relationship too!

My mother experienced early menopause so I’m likely to hit it early too, so that was definitely a big factor in the decision.

I think having a child when you’re still in the honeymoon period is a massive gamble still, but we did it, are now married and are expecting baby no 2 in a few months.

If you’ve share similar values, especially when it comes to raising a child, plus you have really strong communication, you’ll manage. I also have a great support network which made a difference!!

I think only the two of you can make this decision but if you’re both 100% on board, then go for it!!

I've told this story before.

My second husband, I met after an amicable divorce from my first. We fell head over heels. We married quickly -- within two months. Madness. I'd probably have had a baby with him just as stupidly quick, but my uterus was smarter than my brain.

Less than six months after our whirlwind marriage began, he had the first of multiple psychotic episodes, and it turned out that whenever his insomnia got bad and he hadn't been able to sleep very well, he'd start drifting toward psychosis.

I could have had a BABY with him and not known that. How insanely stupid was I? So stupid. When I left and met someone else, I made sure we knew one another for years before marrying and trying for children, even though I was desperate for kids.

OP what does your partner think of this plan?

99% of the time, yes, it is sheer lunacy.
1% of the time you get lucky and it works out.

(made up odds, of course).

I wouldn't.

Yes. Read the many many threads on here from women who thought they knew their partners, had children with them and are now left high and dry. This early on your relationship has next to no foundation, how can you know if he'll stick by you and what sort of father he'll be.
I understand your biological clock is ticking but think of the uncertainty that you'd be bringing a child into.

Before marriage, let alone children you should carefully consider the genetic medical history and more importantly the psychological profile of a husband and his family.
Do you even know his relatives?

Sperm donors are screened.

I would probably do it in your position.

I agree with a previous poster who said if you've only known him for 3 months, how do you even know he's the person whose genes you want to make up 50% of your DC? I know at 39 your clock is ticking but this could be a mistake for so many reasons.

No guarantee either way. If you two are madly in love, I'd even say it gives some protection against the initial stress of a newborn.
Surprisingly, I see more relationships crumbling where people know each other for a decade, grow already tired of each other and then a baby arrives and throws the established order into chaos. Quick pregnancies do not seem that risky in comparison.

You haven't actually said what he thinks about it.

Honestly it's not about you. It's about the potential baby.

I'm getting really tired of mn. Last week, a guy posted how he'd been lied and trapped by a women who clearly wanted a child from him despite him being cleared he didn't want one. There were little sympathy for him but neither was there for the one who decided to trap him.

Yet here, so many posts telling OP to go for it although no mention of how he feels about it, which led to believe that the discussion hasn't been had.

Women on this board really need to stop behaving so selfishly and with such entitlement. No it isn't a case of my body, my life. Its a case of a child's life who deserves a loving father in their life and a man who should have a say as to whether he wants a child or not.

If he is also desperate to have a child and fully prepared to be committed to the child for all his life and co-parent, then yes, go for it. If he isn't and therefore the child will be conceive in deceit, DO NOT DO IT.