To try for a baby with partner of 3 months

[broody19]

I am 39.

Is this madness?

Have you known him longer than 3 months? Like as friends? I moved in with my DH straight away but we'd been friends/casually dating for 2 years before that.

Even then we've still waited 8 years before getting married and trying for a baby but we met when we were young. If I was you and your partner was my DH we'd have probably gone for it. The first time I saw him I knew he was "the one".

You do have to both be on the same page about this though, getting accidentally pregnant might not end well and definitely isn't fair on your partner (not that I'm suggesting you'd do this but I didn't see you mention whether your partner is up for having a child).

I hadn't known dp very long when I fell pregnant. Unfortunately it ended in miscarriage but the way he looked after me as opposed to my previous partner(who I'd known for 15y) when I had a miscarriage made it very clear to me that he was a keeper! We tried again straight away and fell pregnant again! We are now 6y in and 2 kids! I haven't looked back!
No one here knows your bf or whether he's the one for you! If he is on board then fuck it start trying!

I'm getting really tired of mn. Last week, a guy posted how he'd been lied and trapped by a women who clearly wanted a child from him despite him being cleared he didn't want one. There were little sympathy for him but neither was there for the one who decided to trap him.

Nobody is suggesting that OP try and "trap" her partner (let's brush over for now the fact that every adult is responsible for their own contraception and if a man was taking the relevant precautions himself rather than happily outsourcing this responsibility in an effort to enhance his sexual experience, nobody would be able to "trap" him). People who are telling OP to go for it (and I'm not actually one of them) are presumably doing it from the starting point that OP's partner is also on board and the discussion has been/will be had. There's no evidence to the contrary and that would be the sensible (relatively) position to take.

I'm getting really tired of mn. Last week, a guy posted how he'd been lied and trapped by a women who clearly wanted a child from him despite him being cleared he didn't want one. There were little sympathy for him but neither was there for the one who decided to trap him

It’s not compulsory to be here....

Yet here, so many posts telling OP to go for it although no mention of how he feels about it, which led to believe that the discussion hasn't been had

Countless people have asked how he feels about it. Until the OP confirms either way then there’s no real knowledge is there?

Women on this board really need to stop behaving so selfishly and with such entitlement. No it isn't a case of my body, my life. Its a case of a child's life who deserves a loving father in their life and a man who should have a say as to whether he wants a child or not

I don’t believe a father is a necessary. I think strong role models both male and female are important. Those don’t need to be the traditional mother or father.

If he is also desperate to have a child and fully prepared to be committed to the child for all his life and co-parent, then yes, go for it. If he isn't and therefore the child will be conceive in deceit, DO NOT DO IT

So what many people have been saying then....

swingofthings

And of course, exactly as I said on that other thread, the OP’s partner absolutely should be using a condom. After all he’s the only one in charge of his reproductive and sexual health.

Not enough info.

Does he want a baby?
Could you manage on your own if it doesn’t work out?
Could you afford to bring up a child as a single parent?

I guess OP isn't coming back 🤷🏼‍♀️

Second post on this topic. I’m disappointed how responses on here sound like it’s the 1960s.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a baby and being 39 realistically the clock is ticking. Relationship fails so what you wait to find the next Mr Right and try again. Relationship fails and you are pregnant or have a child. So what you do it yourself and don’t look back when your 45 and think ‘what if?’.

I’m 41 and going it alone. I’ve had no negativity from anyone I’ve told, in fact I’ve been overwhelmed by the positivity. A baby needs a loving home. Yes i would love to have met someone but it hasn’t happened but this baby will have everything it needs. I’m pleased my baby will be born in 2029 and not the 1960s.

Oh come on Surrey 🙄
"Going it alone" is fine if it's with a sperm donor and not someone you've only been dating for 3 months.
The OP gave no information whatsoever because it was clearly a journo or a troll and the responses were pretty balanced considering.

Surrey, there is a difference between doing it alone when the father had some say in the pregnancy or it was a genuine accident.

seeing how the OP is refusing to say where the boyfriend is standing, I think we can assume he is blissfully unaware of her plans.

Do you really think it is acceptable to just trick a man into fatherhood to fullfill your personal maternal ambition? or is that what you did as well?

I’m pleased my baby will be born in 2029 and not the 1960s
Wowers!!, you are planning ten years ahead SurreyisSunny.

I am neither journo nor troll, Emma

Surrey congratulations. I don't know where you live but I am sure you can appreciate that not everywhere is open minded and accepting of "families come in all shapes and sizes". I do wish you well, though

Clearly you want a Baby.Does he want a baby?
Time in a relationship isn’t cast iron guarantee you’ll not split up BUT time together reveals person character and values and beliefs.
The big conversation
Schools - faith or non denomination
Schools - state or private
Nursery or CM or a sahp.if sahp who will it be you or him?
Monies - sole or joint accounts
Marriage or cohabitation
Religion - are either ofyiu observant of a faith or plan to,raise a child ina faith
Is he solvent
Drink,drugs,alcohol any issues

What’s his relationship with his own family like,is it warm,cordial,does he see them

Any significant ex, has he been married, lived together ?Any kids

Background what do you know of and about him

I was with my DH for 6 months when we started trying for a baby, it ended up taking us 3 years to have one so in that sense I would say try sooner rather than later given your age. That said, as a new mum to a 3 month old I can categorically say that 6 months into our relationship there was no way we were really ready to have a child together so I’m glad it took longer to get there!

broody19 how is it you have time to come back and reply to Surrey (who probably lives in Surrey...) but not to answer the constantly repeated question about whether your boyfriend also wants to have a baby ASAP?

If he does and you've had long in depth conversations about the what ifs, given your age, go for it. However if he's not mutually broody it would be better to end the relationship and use a sperm donor if having a baby is the most important thing to you and you think you'll regret not TTC if you are childless in 5 years time.

I kept my eldest knowing my ex wouldn't be involved (eldest was conceived by months of being raped). I was 24, I don't regret it one bit. Being a single parent is hard but also amazing. My son has made me a better person. I had all kinds of people judging my choices but they had no right so I didn't care. I never asked anyone for anything, never relied on benefits and have built a career.

MN is weird sometimes as certain people make out like being married is the holy grail! I'm due another baby with my partner and getting married would disadvantage myself and my children.

As long as your boyfriend is on board it's fine. People get betrayed all the time so the length of the relationship makes little difference!

People always think about having a baby rather than a child, a child they will have to care for for the next 18 years (and beyond, lets face it).

When you choose to have a child with someone you are choosing to keep that person in your life for the next 18 years, whether you like it or not. You can’t just block their number and cut them off because they’re being a twat, you have to constantly deal with them for the sake of your child. Even when your child becomes an adult there will be occasions where you will have to face them (graduation, wedding, grandchildren etc).

It is far from advisable to do this with someone you have known for three months. You know fuck all about someone after three months. It’s also still the honeymoon period so everything is wonderful and romantic, it won’t be that way when you’re vomiting all day long and wearing huge M&S knickers.

You know better at your age. Use your head.

Maybe OP is already pregnant and considering her options.

other things to consider when going it alone - how would you cope with a child with complex needs esp given your advanced age and the fact that in all likelihood you won't be around as many years as someone who had a baby half your age?

I have a DD with complex needs caused by a chromosome disorder. it's a lot more likely to have a disabled child as an older mum and many conditions cannot be dx prenatally. how would you cope in this situation in your own?

Great, the OP is back! Oh wait... still no information whatsoever 🙄

What's the point of this thread?

It's ridiculous and pathetic.

I did it, DD is 9 in a couple of months and it is our 9th wedding anniversary next week....it did work out for me, but I am very aware that I was lucky and it could have very easily gone wrong.
Just be certain that you could cope doing it all by yourself should your relationship not work out.