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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try for a baby with partner of 3 months

221 replies

broody19 · 05/05/2019 18:56

I am 39.

Is this madness?

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 05/05/2019 20:32

Does he know?

bobstersmum · 05/05/2019 20:33

Not just unreasonable. Irresponsible as well!

MsMamaNature · 05/05/2019 20:33

broody19 Go for it. I gave birth to my eldest son exactly one year after meeting my now husband. We are still together 18 years later and have several other children together. There are no guarantees in life - you only have to read some of the horror stories on this website about women who have "done the right thing" and subsequently it got them nowhere. If you are financially able to support yourself (should the worst happen) and your boyfriend is on board with having a baby then why not? As you said, time is not on your side and there is also no guarantee that you'll get pregnant straightaway either.

JaynePoole · 05/05/2019 20:33

How old is he and does he want to try for a baby? Does he want to be a parent?

BillywilliamV · 05/05/2019 20:34

If he was game I’d go for it!

LizB62A · 05/05/2019 20:34

Does he know you're trying to get pregnant?

MondeoFan · 05/05/2019 20:34

I met mine in the December and by the following April I fell pregnant, in the October he was gone and I had the baby by myself in December.
Best thing I ever did.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/05/2019 20:34

I knew my husband was the one after a week but getting pregnant after 3 months would have been incredibly hard. To give yourself the best chance at least take a few months to improve your fitness for pregnancy and save some money. After 3 months you have no idea what he's like when times are bad, money is right or there is a crisis. All these things can happen on the same day when you have a baby.

Onceuponacheesecake · 05/05/2019 20:36

I can understand why you feel the need to rush op. I don't think worst case scenario is raising this child alone though. Worst case scenario for me would be discovering your OH is an absolute arsehole who is unhealthy for you and your child and yet at some point you may have very little option but to share your child with such a man and go through years of battling over access and maintenance. That is soul destroying.

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 20:38

My mum and dad decided to get married after 2 weeks of knowing each other, my mum fell pregnant with me not long after and they got married when my mum was 8 month pregnant with me. They are still together nearly 30 years later. Even if you do have a baby with someone, it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them forever, you might stay together you might not. Is it not something like 50% of marriages end in divorce? Sure those people didn't plan that when they met and tried for kids. Maybe it is crazy but only you know if it's right or not.

Mummyshark2018 · 05/05/2019 20:39

Does your dp want a baby or would you be 'tricking' him into it? If he's on board and you have the financial means, and support system around you to raise a child (in the event of being a single parent) then given your age I would totally do it! I was married when I had dc following about 5 years together, married now 10 years and in my opinion it's hard anyway regardless of how long. Perhaps it will be infinitely harder in a short relationship but you just never know.

RomanyQueen1 · 05/05/2019 20:42

Why? he's practically a stranger.
i can't believe you are asking.

AutumnCrow · 05/05/2019 20:43

Does he know?

clutterqu33n · 05/05/2019 20:45

seeing how the OP is cagey about the partner's consent, I'd say it is completely unreasonable and ethically not defensible.

OP, I think you are actually looking for a sperm donor. Maybe it would be worth investigating this route properly rather than trick and unsuspecting new boyfriend into fatherhood.

MummyParanoia101 · 05/05/2019 20:45

LisaMac Exactly the same here. Gone by timesheet was 12 months old. She's now 4

AnotherEmma · 05/05/2019 20:48

"seeing how the OP is cagey about the partner's consent"

She's not cagey, she's just deafeningly silent in her lack of response to any of the questions on this thread.

seven201 · 05/05/2019 20:55

I think if you would be happy to have a child even if it meant the relationship ended, then you should go for it! If you don't think you'd cope well with being a single parent then you should hold off, at least for maybe 6 months more.

Absofrigginlootly · 05/05/2019 20:56

I met mine in the December and by the following April I fell pregnant, in the October he was gone and I had the baby by myself in December.

Sounds like a Craig David song Grin

OP I don’t think it’s a good idea. DH and I were together for over 12 years before DC came along and it’s really tested our relationship (which was always very solid). Without a strong base I don’t think it would have survived it

lisamac28 · 05/05/2019 20:58

LisaMac Exactly the same here. Gone by timesheet was 12 months old. She's now 4

Utter arseholes aren't they? To be honest, from what I hear, DD is better of without him. Selfish to the core.

HotChocolateLover · 05/05/2019 21:01

No way! The fact that you mentioned your age immediately screams out that you’re considering doing it purely before time runs out which is a terrible reason.

questabellatreetop · 05/05/2019 21:04

If you're desperate for a baby and prepared to raise it alone then go for it!! As long as you're financially independent what is the problem? Either that or try a sperm bank!

A good friend of mine married her husband after three months of meeting, 11 years and three children later they couldn't be happier.xxx

Youngandfree · 05/05/2019 21:06

Yes!!

Crazycrazylady · 05/05/2019 21:08

Honestly choosing your baby's father is in my eyes the biggest decision you will ever make. The influence he will have or not have will affect your child for their entire life. If he turns out to be a deadbeat dad , it will be you mopping up their tears and disappointment. Leave it a year at least

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 05/05/2019 21:10

DH and I had been together for nearly ten years (married for five) when we had our first DC. Adjusting to motherhood was a million times harder than I ever thought it would be. I cannot imagine how I'd have gotten through the first couple of years having to rely on someone I hardly knew for emotional and practical support when I was at my most vulnerable. Sleep deprivation brings out the worst in most people and it's a lot easier to forgive the bad moods, the things said in the heat of the moment etc when you know someone so well (because of your shared history, the time you've invested and the depth of your feelings for one another) that you can be certain this isn't really them, it's just exhaustion and it's temporary.

Do you even live together? At the very least, find out if you still like one another living under the same roof before you do something as drastic as TTC.

Hecateh · 05/05/2019 21:19

If you are prepared to go it alone to the extent that you would be happy with artificial insemination in order to go it alone but have no guarantee that there would not be another person interfering then NYANBU - any other circumstances then YYABU

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