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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try for a baby with partner of 3 months

221 replies

broody19 · 05/05/2019 18:56

I am 39.

Is this madness?

OP posts:
Iputthescrewinthetuna · 05/05/2019 19:40

I got pregnant within 4 months of a new relationship! Pill stopped working!
My god it was difficult. We hadn't even said 'i love you'
He was amazing! I was so unsure.
His words were 'it is crazy soon but it is up to you what you want to do i will fully support you no matter what!
I kept baby!
I really didn't want to rush relationship any more than it was going to be!
He didn't move in with me until 2 weeks after baby was born!
6 years later we are still together and happy!

Nice little romantic story isn't it!
It really isn't! Our life for first 2 years were really hard! Whilst we were supposed to be dating, I was leaking breast milk and suffering from PND! We had no foundations for our relationship! We reached breaking point so often! I was vile with PND, he knew shouting, crying Iput longer than he knew funny, kind, happy Iput!
How he stuck around I don't know! How I stayed with him, I don't know!

At 6 years into our relationship, we now have time to build us and our foundations!
(I got pregnant again, we have 2 together and my eldest DD)

Would I recommend a baby at 3 months on, I wouldn't be without my kids, but no, I would not recommend it! It is harder than you can imagine! Sorry OP

AnotherEmma · 05/05/2019 19:40

I am beginning to wonder if this is genuine.
Username with no previous posting history asks controversial question with absolutely no context and doesn't answer any questions...
Hmm

mimibunz · 05/05/2019 19:41

Can you take care of a child by yourself? Financially I mean.

gamerwidow · 05/05/2019 19:41

You’d be better off with a sperm donor if you’re that desperate for a baby. Tying yourself to someone you barely know for a lifetime is a terrible idea. It might all work out fine but the risk of everything going tits up forever if he turns out to be a wrong un is just too much.

nickyXjayno · 05/05/2019 19:43

My husband and I moved in together after 6 weeks and were married at 5 months. Still going strong years later.
Sometimes you just know

Bambamber · 05/05/2019 19:44

Do you want a baby with this man? Or do you just want a baby?

Does he want a baby with you?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 05/05/2019 19:44

At 39 I would go for it. I did everything 'right' marriage first then a baby and was left widowed at 35. You never know what life will throw at you

Ratatatouille · 05/05/2019 19:45

It's not a good idea, no. You are talking about bringing a person into the world and you need to think about them primarily, although that's difficult when they don't exist yet. There are hundreds of threads on here from women who cannot cut ties with abusive exes because of court orders and contact. More still from women whose exes avoid paying maintenance. There was a particularly harrowing one recently from a lady whose husband kept failing to return their toddler to her, and neglecting the little girl when she was in his care, but the lady was really struggling to get anywhere through the courts. Heartbreaking. And as awful as these scenarios are for the mothers, can you imagine how devastating the effects are for the children? These women thought they knew their partners and took an educated guess that they would be good fathers. Unfortunately they weren't. So what on earth are the chances you will pick a good father for your child when you're essentially going in completely blind? If he were an abusive man then his mask wouldn't even nearly be slipping yet.

HBStowe · 05/05/2019 19:46

Yes, it is madness. Unless you’re absolutely happy with the prospect of raising the baby on your own when it goes tits up, it would be complete lunacy. You absolutely do not know someone after 3 months.

onalongsabbatical · 05/05/2019 19:46

Sometimes you just know - if she 'just knew' she wouldn't be asking us.

Iamnotagoddess · 05/05/2019 19:46

I did accidentally get pregnant with someone I barely knew (I think we had been together 3/4) months.

We split before the baby was born (which I think ultimately has been better for DS who is now 17) and he has always been very involved and had him EOW and paid maintenance.

Being a single mum is hard though (I already had two toddlers) and however you dress it up that won’t change.

ShowMeTheKittens · 05/05/2019 19:50

Think of the baby if he leaves you. He is basically a stranger. It is irresponsible, not mad.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 05/05/2019 19:52

I'd give it another 3 months first.

BUT good friends of mine met and married in 4 months (still together, still happy); another friend got accidentally pg after 2 months - they've 3 kids now, very happy. It can work. It depends on where people's heads are at. Another friend similar situation, child is now 10, not with the father, but perfectly amicable.

Japonicaflower2 · 05/05/2019 19:52

Does your partner actually know you want to get pregnant or are you using him as a convenient sperm donor?
Certainly wouldn't have been something I would have done, I would want to know my baby's father rather more.

GabsAlot · 05/05/2019 19:53

not a goodidea-if youre more interested in having a baby go and get some sperm from someone anonymous-unless your boyfriend is on board how old is he

remember you will be tied to this man for 18 years at least

shankOO1 · 05/05/2019 19:54

Nope not madness imo.
I met my DP in April, pregnant by May.
We have 2 children together and I have DS from previous relationship.
Together years later and we are younger. Best decision ever.

Although I am aware it could have gone sour at any moment, I was prepared to do it alone.

Carashand · 05/05/2019 19:54

Don’t do it. You’re in the fog of new love, flooded with bonding chemicals and for all and intents and purposes off your tits as high as a kite.

Give it a year at least

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2019 19:54

Do you live with him?

If not, then after three months, 'partner' is a bit of a stretch.

Do you want to be a single parent? Does he?

Aridane · 05/05/2019 19:55

Time is running out - if you want a child, go for it. Be prepared to be a single mother though

mantlepiece · 05/05/2019 19:56

Are you in love with him and he with you? Are you besotted? If so you should go for it.

Chloemol · 05/05/2019 19:57

Yes

SurreyisSunny · 05/05/2019 19:57

No

I have a friend who was pregnant within 6 months of meeting her partner. It was planned. She was a similar age.

6 years on very happy with a 6 year old.

ChicCroissant · 05/05/2019 19:59

I hope it's not real!

You have no idea how this man would be as a father. That's the important bit but that is being ignored because of what the OP wants. Not good.

JacquesHammer · 05/05/2019 20:01

You have no idea how this man would be as a father

Judging by the relationship boards, for countless people being together years is no guarantee of how a man will be as a father to be fair.

FancyAPint · 05/05/2019 20:02

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