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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which alternative to guest list would be more acceptable?

220 replies

Moonchild1987 · 04/05/2019 09:20

I am not orginally born in the UK so did find the attitude very odd. I do however understand them and when in Rome do as the Romans do etc. We don't have a baby yet and won't have for at least 2 years. Sorry if this is a long post I don't want to drip feed.

I know I will not have a baby shower or gift list as they don't seem to go down well. Fair enough and the reasons behind it are perfectly rational. I spoke to fiancé last night and we did agree we will just prepare the nursery and buy everything ourselves and have everything we will need for the next 6-12 months by my 7th month as we like to be over organised rather then under. I will also have my hospital bag packed by then. I tend to over worry and I guess some say over prepare.

We literally won't need anything or want anything for the baby once it is here. Both of us are very particular about what we like and don't like. Even small baby things such as a dummy I will insisted on a specific one because I might like a specific feature or design such as it having a in built capsule so it is easy to just pop in bag after use or a feature to get liquid medicine in so it makes giving medicine easier etc. I am also very fussy how much I have of one item. I don't like having more then I need as I do not see the point. If we have already bought 3 baby swaddles we like I do not want a 4th or 5th added to it.

In my mind I basically have 2 options when it comes to gifts and I don't which one would be the least rude and intrusive.

Option A: make sure everyone absolutely understands we don't want physical gifts. Express we already have all we need and want the house is small so please don't bring anything. If they must compronise on a voucher for a baby store or money so we can buy stuff we need after the first year.

Option B: leave a few less essential things for guests to buy and guide the guests what we need i.e. 'if you really do want to get us something we like the swan with a tutu and crown we have seen by jellycat so if they have that we will appreciate it.'

I am not trying to turn this into a gift list good or bad discussion I just want to know how I best deal with the situation without ending up with 7 baby bibs, 5 teething toys and a stack of baby clothes that will never get worn or used.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2019 09:21

Number 1

StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2019 09:22

Sorry A :)

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 04/05/2019 09:22

Just don't be a dick about it and accept gifts with good grace.

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 04/05/2019 09:23

Thank you that is the one I feel most comfortable with I just do hope people respect it and do stick to it

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 04/05/2019 09:23

I think you can suggest a) but you need to accept that a lot of people will just get you something of their choosing.
I think once you’ve had the baby and it’s been sick for the 5th time that day on it’s carefully curated wardrobe you’ll be a bit less picky anyway.
If you really hate the stuff you’re bought just say thanks. Take a picture of the baby in it to send to the giver then quietly charity shop it.

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 04/05/2019 09:24

@ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets of course and I will let them know I appreciate it. I will take a picture of the baby in it once for the user and then put it away unlikely to be used again but I want to avoid needless items

OP posts:
MaintainTheMolehill · 04/05/2019 09:25

Honestly? I think you should stop worrying about presents and start living in the present Wink

Duvetdweller · 04/05/2019 09:25

Given you don’t plan on having a baby for at least 2 years I can’t help wondering if you are over thinking this

sackrifice · 04/05/2019 09:25

Bless you. My brother and SIL were the same.

Until the baby actually came. They went for organic cotton and hand made, but within weeks it was anything that didn't stain and was to hand - and anything that wasn't nailed down.

You are not even having a baby for years yet!

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 04/05/2019 09:25

@gamerwidow that is the plan I just want to minimize this happening that is all

OP posts:
drspouse · 04/05/2019 09:26

You won't know what's useful till the baby is here and the odd thing that wasn't on your exact list but you were given by an experienced parent will be the one thing you could never live without.

VimFuego101 · 04/05/2019 09:26

Why on earth are you thinking about this when you don't plan to have a baby for at least 2 years? Do a crossword or something, you have too much time on your hands.

nauseous5000 · 04/05/2019 09:26

I don't wish to sound harsh, but given you're not trying for a baby yet even, why is this your big worry above whether you'll even be able to conceive (not guaranteed) whether you'll have a healthy pregnancy or not?

drspouse · 04/05/2019 09:26

Gosh I missed the bit where you aren't even trying to get pregnant yet! You are bananas, meant kindly.

gamerwidow · 04/05/2019 09:26

Given you don’t plan on having a baby for at least 2 years I can’t help wondering if you are over thinking this
Yes! I completely missed this bit of the post. Seriously OP this is not something you need to be spending your time worrying about.

TokyoSushi · 04/05/2019 09:27
Confused
RobinHumphries · 04/05/2019 09:27

I agree with the molehill especially as it’s at least 2 years before the baby even arrives.
Things like baby swaddles you can never have enough of

SwiftAnchor · 04/05/2019 09:27

I think it's a bit odd how much you are overthinking this so far in advance. Just wait and see how you feel when the time comes!

Rezie · 04/05/2019 09:28

All the babyshowers I've been to, the whole group of participants all chip in to a slightly bigger gift. One person ask a the mum to be what she'd like and then she gets that one gift.

BiscuitDrama · 04/05/2019 09:28

Just take stuff back to shops. They’ll generally accept it without receipts. We did this a lot with clothes that were the wrong size/season or just not what would have chosen and knew they’d never get worn. Blush

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 04/05/2019 09:28

@sackrifice surely 25 baby outfits per month is enough 😳

@Duvetdweller @MaintainTheMolehill like I said I tend to over worry organise

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/05/2019 09:29

Blimey this is odd

You aren't pregnant

There are no gifts to consider

You seem over invested in the infrastructure of a 'dummy' given that.

If ever you are pregnant in years to come go back to it then perhaps Confused

MynameisJune · 04/05/2019 09:29

You’re not even pregnant or planning on a baby for years. What the hell are you worrying about this for now?

As it is, most people won’t listen and will buy you things of their choosing. But when your baby has pooped through 4/5 outfits in one day or vomited all over every bedding set then all those things you thought you wouldn’t use suddenly become useful.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 04/05/2019 09:30

I'm like you OP and quite particular, it doesn't matter how much guidance you give you will end up with things you don't like/won't use, especially clothes (I don't like slogans, Disney characters emblazoned across things, blue for boys pink for girls, joggers on babies etc). Just smile nod and give them to a charity shop. Having had a baby from now on I will only buy someone else something they have specifically asked for or give a John Lewis/Mothercare type voucher, they've been the best gifts as you can use them as DC gets bigger.

You can also make an Amazon babylist for yourself and have it set so people can access it, I made one because you got ten percent off when you spent £200 on items from your list.

DantesInferno · 04/05/2019 09:30

So you dont have a baby on the way, you're not ttc why the hell are you worrying about this now???