To be annoyed at friend

[popsadaisy]

I have a hen party planned to go to Magaluf later this year which my sister has been organising for me. There is a big group chat with all of us in (14 of us) and we are using a company who have organised airport transfers and different things to do whilst we're there, plus hotel etc. My sister made it clear before every paid the £25 deposit that they must be 100% sure they are coming and not drop out before they pay as this will put the price up for the rest of the party. Everyone paid and since then a friend has had to drop out because she's pregnant which is absolutely fair enough. Today another friend has messaged me and said she doesn't think she can come anymore because she works term time. I replied asking why she agreed to come if she works term time? And she's just replied to me and said well she thought she would have a new job by now and doesn't. This trip isn't until September and the whole trip needs to be paid for 6 weeks before. AIBU to be really annoyed at her? She's also showing no remorse and getting arsey with me in her replies (stopped putting kisses and putting a lot of !!!!!)

Sorry don't know if I've made it clear she's only paid the £25 deposit so the rest of her fee in outstanding (£300) which the rest of us will have to pay for if she doesn't come.

Crikey I don't know, was the original budget stuck to? Sometimes the organiser says "we're off to Magaluf, it'll be £200 each" which is fine. Then time goes by and suddenly it's £360 each which isn't fine. And the girl who drops out is a bit embaressed to say she can't afford it so makes an excuse.

300/14 is under £21.50 each so not horrific but best to let everyone know now.

Everyone knew exactly how much it would cost from the get go. I don't think it's the price that is the reason she isn't coming it's that she can't get it off work.

I'm not sure she should be "showing remorse"!! She's not 5 and she's not hurt anyone.

That's what a deposit is for, isn't it? That's the bit of money you risk to secure a place. As long as she is clear she won't get that back, then she's given you plenty notice, really.

It's always going to happen with an overseas or expensive hen, I'm afraid. I'm sure at least 20% of all threads on here are about it!

Yeah, this is why you get the full amount off people in advance, then you book.

People always drop out and the price for everyone else always goes up then you get MORE people dropping out as it’s got expensive and so on.

Its not too much more the others will have to pay.
It's annoying, but not worth falling out over.

Sometimes things which were meant to be fun end up causing worry; maybe that's what has happened to your friend.

@Usuallyinthemiddle showing remorse means that you're sorry so a 'sorry I won't be able to come anymore' would have been polite. Or maybe you lack manners as well.

Maybe you can get someone else to go instead? Or maybe the company you're using will agree to let you go as a party of 13 instead of 14?

@OldAndWornOut it will be £25 extra for everyone else and that can be a lot of money for some people and I just hope it doesn't mean others can't come which in turn will mean the price goes up even more. I just wish people would be upfront from the very beginning.

@Singlenotsingle i was thinking of maybe seeing if someone else would replace her. It's gone from 14 to 12 now because of my pregnant friend as well.

There will always be people who drop out for whatever reason. She’s letting you know in April which is plenty of notice. You don’t really get to be pissed off with people no longer able to attend your hen do in Magaluf. It’s inevitable that it just won’t be a goer for some...even with the best of intentions.

People’s circumstances change. It’s not realistic to expect that from a party of 14, everyone will come. She’s not expecting her deposit back.

When was all this booked?

You’ve gone about this perfectly if your plan was to get mighty pissed off and ruin a couple of friendships.

Nothing gets booked until the organiser has the total money together.

Was the pregnant friend “remorseful”?

No. Showing remorse is a bit more than just saying sorry.

If she's not even said a cursory sorry then she is a bit rude, yes. Normal people would say, "sorry to let you down but I can't come".
It happens with pretty much every group trip from what I can see on MN, as annoying as it is. Your hen is more important to you than to anyone else and they won't over think the consequences. Your sister is probably tearing out her hair. Pleasing 14 people is really hard work when it involves them parting with money!

When planning trips like this, people will always drop out for various reasons. This was always likely to happen.

This is why I can't stand these kinds of hen dos. Someone will ALWAYS drop out.

She's done nothing wrong though, she's paid (and lost) her deposit. It doesn't matter if you made it really clear no one is allowed to drop out (which sounds quite cf tbf) circumstances change!

"YOU WILL COME TO MY HEN IN SHAGALUF AND YOU WILL HAVE FUN!!"

I know no one asked and I’m going to make some roll their eyes...but I mourn the simple days of hen dos being a night out with your pals.

Surely if the rest isn't due yet doesn't she just lose her deposit and you cancel her space?

As others have said, get the money before booking but it’s too late now.

Your sister did explain the situation and her excuse sounds flakey because as you say why say yes in the first place, or alternatively use annual leave. So I think she’s been crap and I wouldn’t be too happy but this kind of thing is inevitable when people don’t pay upfront.

*Your sister did explain the situation and her excuse sounds flakey because as you say why say yes in the first place, or alternatively use annual leave.
Not all jobs let you take annual leave in term time.

Anyway... YABU.

Ok purpledaisies but being unable to get annual leave in term time isn’t the same thing as working term time and the OP said the latter was given as a reason.

“It doesn't matter if you made it really clear no one is allowed to drop out (which sounds quite cf tbf) circumstances change!”

I agree.