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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at friend

212 replies

popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 18:47

I have a hen party planned to go to Magaluf later this year which my sister has been organising for me. There is a big group chat with all of us in (14 of us) and we are using a company who have organised airport transfers and different things to do whilst we're there, plus hotel etc. My sister made it clear before every paid the £25 deposit that they must be 100% sure they are coming and not drop out before they pay as this will put the price up for the rest of the party. Everyone paid and since then a friend has had to drop out because she's pregnant which is absolutely fair enough. Today another friend has messaged me and said she doesn't think she can come anymore because she works term time. I replied asking why she agreed to come if she works term time? And she's just replied to me and said well she thought she would have a new job by now and doesn't. This trip isn't until September and the whole trip needs to be paid for 6 weeks before. AIBU to be really annoyed at her? She's also showing no remorse and getting arsey with me in her replies (stopped putting kisses and putting a lot of !!!!!)

OP posts:
Bluededoobeedoo · 05/04/2019 20:13

Kisses and smileys? WTF. Is that some sort of passive aggressive code? What's with the CAPS WRITING and exclamation marks too!!!!!!!!!

You're coming over as very angry and arsey in this thread. Are you like this in real life? Think you might get some more drop outs.

happymum12345 · 05/04/2019 20:14

Perhaps £25 wasn't enough of an insurance deposit to stop people from pulling out? Other people may get pregnant or ill before September, then the bill will go up! Is it too late to cancel the whole thing and just enjoy a night out in a nearby town? I would be worried at more people calling it off. Is it too late to cancel the whole thing?

Belenus · 05/04/2019 20:15

Sounds like she wanted to come and was assuming she'd have a new job that would allow annual leave so she could come. Now she's realised that even if she does change jobs they won't allow time off so she's given you as much notice as she can. It's less than ideal but these things happen.

I think out of a group of 14 you have to assume some kind of drop out rate. Personally I would do that and offer a fixed price, absorbing the extra cost myself. If I couldn't afford the extra, I wouldn't have the hen do. And yes, I have read the thread and yes I do know your sister is organising it. But I still think if you have extravagant hen dos, you have to pay up yourself or be aware that some people won't make it.

usernameusername01 · 05/04/2019 20:15

I agree with some of the other posters. Your friend thought she was going to get a new job, she didn't so now she can't come. Not entirely her fault.

I'd just message the others and explain the price has gone up. I'm not sure I'd quibble over £25 extra.

Mummyshark2018 · 05/04/2019 20:16

I understand your annoyance but there's very little you can do. It sounds like it was a group booking and you may have already got a discount due to numbers. As you've only paid a deposit can you not re shuffle rooms and just pay for less rooms? Did you book through a travel agent and does anybody have travel insurance? When I've organised hens abroad we always booked separately- flights that everyone paid at the start then booked rooms through booking.com that had free cancellations.

keenwasalad · 05/04/2019 20:17

If your sister arranged it as a surprise for you how do you already know about it?!

keenwasalad · 05/04/2019 20:18

posted too soon.

This should've all been going on behind closed doors so u don't get the stress of hen do on top of planning the actual wedding!

timeisnotaline · 05/04/2019 20:19

Also her circs haven't changed.
They have. Her circs were that she expected her job to change and actually it hasn’t. Things haven’t panned out as she thought.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 05/04/2019 20:20

It’s 5 months away , she has given plenty of notice and yes her circumstances HAVE changed

BendydickCuminsnatch · 05/04/2019 20:20

£25 extra is a lot to some of the attendees, but they’re spending £360 to attend a hen?? Christ who can be bothered with all this aggro.

Andylion · 05/04/2019 20:21

I wasn't being off with her I did question why she agreed to come if she knew she couldn't get the time off but I continued to put kisses and smileys.

"Is this for real? You can be arsey while still using kisses and smileys. People aren’t stupid."

I think it's a fair question, not arsey at all.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 05/04/2019 20:22

Time Also her circs haven't changed.
They have. Her circs were that she expected her job to change and actually it hasn’t. Things haven’t panned out as she thought
Exactly! She expected them to and they haven't! That's what I said.

Witchtower · 05/04/2019 20:23

Tbh I’d be more annoyed with my pregnant friend as technically she had control over the changing of her circumstances.
It’s most likely that your other friend had no control over her circumstances.

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:23

@Thunderspuds I'm defending myself. I think a lot of people on this thread could have a point (like you do) but are rude in their responses and there's no need. But I think you're right I won't ask again I feel like a lot of the people on these threads are just looking to be rude.

OP posts:
Tink88 · 05/04/2019 20:23

Are you paying for yourself or is that being split across your group?

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:27

@Trekkingbeyond going to look into this it's just my sister did say from the beginning prices will go up if people drop out. But I'll speak to the company and see what I can do, it is 5 months away after all!

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:28

@Girlsnightin I know your right. I do think more will drop out :( oh well I'll live and learn I guess!!

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Usuallyinthemiddle · 05/04/2019 20:29

Tink88 just lit the touch paper! Grin

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:30

@amatsip I'm not bridezilla at all actually pretty relaxed about the whole wedding planning I just feel like I have to defend myself as some comments have been a little below the belt (in my opinion). There's a polite way of saying YABU.

OP posts:
Trekkingbeyond · 05/04/2019 20:32

Good luck OP!

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:32

@Bluededoobeedoo yep I'm a massive bellend in real life :)
I am getting arsey because I feel like people are getting personal with me and there's no need for the attack. Just trying to defend myself. I also feel like I'm repeating myself a lot hence the caps!

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:33

@happymum12345 I'm not sure tbh but I think that would really upset my sister who's organised it all if I suggest that :(

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:34

@Belenus yes I think I will have to do this if anymore drop out unfortunately

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 05/04/2019 20:35

She's given you five months notice, so YABU I'm afraid.

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:36

@keenwasalad I was added to the group after everyone had said they were coming and they surprised me with it

OP posts:
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