To be annoyed at friend

[popsadaisy]

I have a hen party planned to go to Magaluf later this year which my sister has been organising for me. There is a big group chat with all of us in (14 of us) and we are using a company who have organised airport transfers and different things to do whilst we're there, plus hotel etc. My sister made it clear before every paid the £25 deposit that they must be 100% sure they are coming and not drop out before they pay as this will put the price up for the rest of the party. Everyone paid and since then a friend has had to drop out because she's pregnant which is absolutely fair enough. Today another friend has messaged me and said she doesn't think she can come anymore because she works term time. I replied asking why she agreed to come if she works term time? And she's just replied to me and said well she thought she would have a new job by now and doesn't. This trip isn't until September and the whole trip needs to be paid for 6 weeks before. AIBU to be really annoyed at her? She's also showing no remorse and getting arsey with me in her replies (stopped putting kisses and putting a lot of !!!!!)

Ok purpledaisies but being unable to get annual leave in term time isn’t the same thing as working term time and the OP said the latter was given as a reason

It’s not exactly a stretch to infer that since the friend only works term time, it’s very likely that she has the sort of job (TA, school office etc) where you can’t select your own annual leave?

@PurpleDaisies but her circumstances haven't changed that's why I'm a bit put out as to why she agreed to come if she knew that she couldn't.

She was expecting her circumstances to change.

@FleeceDetective where have a stated that I'm 'mighty pissed off' or that I would end a friendship over it?

Sounds tacky anyway, just cancel

@PurpleDaisies my pregnant friend was very remorseful actually which of course I wouldn't have expected her to be! I was so happy for her! But she did the polite thing and said 'I'm so sorry I can't come....' I don't think it's a lot to ask for for someone to not be an arsehole about saying they can no longer come.

@Usuallyinthemiddle well maybe I used my terminology wrong then I meant to just be or say sorry.

£300 for a hen party?

I honestly don’t get it.

Can you not just cancel her place? If full money is not due yet you don’t normally have to shell out the full cost?

Is it the money or the cancelling that’s annoyed to more?

@keenwasalad not quite like that but ok. Thanks for your input! Also her circs haven't changed.

@ScafellPoke what a lovely person you are :)

OP she has given you 5 months notice she can't make it, I think You are being a bit unreasonable. The problem with having this type of hen do is almost certainly people will drop out, you've had 2 already and its only April. Also if people don't have to pay until 6 weeks before, if another couple drop out your talking increasing peoples contributions by about £90, it starts becoming unaffordable and you could find that you have more and more no shows. Why don't you look at paying half the cost around end of June then people might be more committed.
This happened to a friend of mine (I wasn't going on the hen do) it started off around £220pp, but with people dropping out people were having to pay almost £350, and it made it unaffordable for some.
Have a great time BTW

Did pregnant friend need to cover the £300 that everyone is out of pocket for?

Your pregnant friend and your other friend both have very valid reasons. She’s given you plenty of warning. I would have understood if you were slightly upset with both but you are totally unreasonable being upset with your working friend and not the other.

YABmassivelyU to expect 13 friends to pay £300.

Clearly she cannot attend due to financial/annual leave difficulties.

Term time friend should have thought about what would happen if she didn't get to change jobs, before she agreed to go.
Not sure how things have been put in place but if you are now 12 instead of 14, maybe you could have 3 room if 4 or 2 rooms of 6 so need less rooms. Maybe your sister needs to check the cost if the number in the party us reduced to 12.

On the bright side, you've got an even number again. That will help. Triple rooms are vile.
I don't think people think through before they agree. The cost is £300, presumably plus the food, beer etc. So another £200 maybe? The £25 is too easy to pay.

. *frantically looks for brightside!

purpledaisies if that’s the case then she shouldn’t have said yes. It was a crap way to organise it as I have said but this friend knew the score when she agreed to go - if she said yes a cost for her would be incurred and if she dropped out it would cost other people money. Yet she said yes despite being in a job that doesn’t let her take holiday when this hen is taking place?

Reharding expecting to be in another job, I question how firm that expectation was. If she had a new role lined up but something beyond her control happened then fair enough but more likely she just hasn’t got round to applying for a new job or has changed her mind.

@Witchtower but my pregnant's circumstances have obviously changed since she said she would come and my other friends haven't. I don't think people are actually reading what I've written.

Well it is!!! £300 to get pissed in a slightly sunnier blackpool!

Why is it costing everyone extra money, can't their places just be cancelled? It is ages away, re-jig the rooms etc

@popsadaisy I understand what you have said. I’m just not sure why one reason is less valid than the other? Both of their circumstance have changed due to circumstances out of their control (well sort of)

I know no one asked and I’m going to make some roll their eyes...but I mourn the simple days of hen dos being a night out with your pals.
This! /\ /

As few or as many people who could make it for a pub crawl & tacky nightclub No deposits, no nights away, no dress codes, no £300 to find....
Might be out of date now but they were bloody great nights out!

YABU to book a hen do to Magaluf in the first place.

I would never book anything like this without the full amount of cash first. People always say they'll go to something and some pull out for various reasons. I wouldn't be too surprised if you have others pull out too, not because of an increase of £25, but because they've changed their minds.

I feel sorry for the poor bugger who's about to get an invite to a hen party purely to cover costs... please come along I didn't ask you before but now I'd love to have you there?? 🙈