Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at friend

212 replies

popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 18:47

I have a hen party planned to go to Magaluf later this year which my sister has been organising for me. There is a big group chat with all of us in (14 of us) and we are using a company who have organised airport transfers and different things to do whilst we're there, plus hotel etc. My sister made it clear before every paid the £25 deposit that they must be 100% sure they are coming and not drop out before they pay as this will put the price up for the rest of the party. Everyone paid and since then a friend has had to drop out because she's pregnant which is absolutely fair enough. Today another friend has messaged me and said she doesn't think she can come anymore because she works term time. I replied asking why she agreed to come if she works term time? And she's just replied to me and said well she thought she would have a new job by now and doesn't. This trip isn't until September and the whole trip needs to be paid for 6 weeks before. AIBU to be really annoyed at her? She's also showing no remorse and getting arsey with me in her replies (stopped putting kisses and putting a lot of !!!!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:37

@BendydickCuminsnatch not me!!

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 05/04/2019 20:37

I think the fact that your sister made it clear that, before paying the deposit, they were sure they can go, then she should pay.

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:37

@Andylion thank you :)

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 05/04/2019 20:39

Tricky one I work in a school however I can’t take time of during the term. However, I don’t know the exact date of when I’m due to go back to work for the autumn term. Have a rough idea. But if it’s the first week or so I could easily go I didn’t know when we were back so booked anyway. Sorry I realise this doesn’t help.

However anything past the first week I’d be risking it and would decline the invite. On balance yanbu

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:40

@Witchtower you don't know the circumstances my friend has been trying for a baby for over 3 years with failed IVFs they decided to give up for a year but obviously continued unprotected sex not thinking she could get pregnant because why would she? I'd be heartless to be annoyed with her for that!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:40

@Tink88 I'm paying for myself

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 05/04/2019 20:41

Also assuming she’s a teacher means in many schools she has to give a full terms notice. The fact that today is the start of the Easter holidays for many and she hasn’t given her notice in suggests that she will be in her current job come September

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 20:41

@Trekkingbeyond thank you :)

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 05/04/2019 20:43

I think it was thoughtless of her to say yes. I think she should have said she’d love to come, but unless she managed to get a new job she wouldn’t be able to, but to put her name at the top of the list to be re asked if anyone drops out.

But obviously her plan to get a new job hasn’t worked out, it’s not just like she’s decided she can’t be arsed.

Your sister really hasn’t thought this through at all well, but it’ll be a lesson for her 😖

£25 was never going to make people think twice about pulling out, it should have been fully paid for before it was booked.

You can still invite people. Just tell them your sister was organising it and missed a few people out that you’d like to have invited and now a couple have dropped out you have the opportunity to invite a couple of others to come.

Mog6840 · 05/04/2019 20:51

I think this is always the risk when using one of these expensive companies that 'do it all for you' and you only have to pay a small deposit at the time of booking.

Exactly the same thing has happened on a stag my husband was attending. 6 people have dropped out. All these people had every intention at the time but things come up financially, work wise and personally and people change their mind. I doubt the work situation is the only reason for your friend as she was aware of her situ. There are prob a few factors and she just doesn't fancy it anymore.

I think when you have an expensive 'do' abroad it's a big ask and you can't be too annoyed if people pull out down the line. If the other guests don't want to accept the price rise you have to re-evaluate what you are doing.

This is why it's best to get money upfront before booking so people know they will lose the money if they decide not to come.

jpclarke · 05/04/2019 20:52

Her circumstances could very easily have changed but she hasn't told you every detail of her life!! People are entitled to privacy just like you are entitled to an extravagant experience hen which is your prerogative but you can't expect them everyone to actually go. Some people get caught up in the moment and agree to go and then realise after that it is not something that they can commit to. You will just have to grin and bare it and try and value your friendship more. Or the friendship will end. Be prepared for 1-2 more pulling out closer to the time.

whitesoxx · 05/04/2019 20:55

You are being "bridezilla" and massively touchy. Even on this thread. You keep talking about your sisters efforts but actually it comes across as if it's about you.

Have missed the bit where you answered what happened when pregnant friend pulled out? Did you all cover her cost?

marns · 05/04/2019 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 05/04/2019 21:00

Here’s the thing...someone else will pull out before the event. Maybe more than one. 14 to Magaluf was always going to be a big ask.

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:10

@whitesoxx you don't know me though so how can you say that? I am getting touchy on this thread yes because I feel like people are being unreasonably rude. There have been plenty of comments that say I'm being unreasonable but they've said it in a way that isn't offensive. I don't know why people have to be rude, I'm sure if it was to my face they wouldn't be. Anyway, in answer to your question my cousin was unsure as to whether or not she could come (which she told me from the start) and asked the company if she could tag on and let them know by July (didn't pay the deposit and they agreed) so my cousin has now technically taken the place of my pregnant friend because she can now come. My other friend was in the group chat when this was discussed so she knew that this was an option but still paid the deposit.

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:12

@whitesoxx you don't know me though so how can you say that? I am getting touchy on this thread yes because I feel like people are being unreasonably rude. There have been plenty of comments that say I'm being unreasonable but they've said it in a way that isn't offensive. I don't know why people have to be rude, I'm sure if it was to my face they wouldn't be. Anyway, in answer to your question my cousin was unsure as to whether or not she could come (which she told me from the start) and asked the company if she could tag on and let them know by July (didn't pay the deposit and they agreed) so my cousin has now technically taken the place of my pregnant friend because she can now come. My other friend was in the group chat when this was discussed so she knew that this was an option but still paid the deposit.

OP posts:
Tinkoschminko · 05/04/2019 21:20

She probably agreed because she really wanted to go so would try to find a way and couldn’t quite believe why someone hadn’t thought of the fact that if she’s a teacher/ TA then of course she can’t go! And personally, if you booked it during the week, I’d assume you didn’t even want me there.

Drogosnextwife · 05/04/2019 21:25

I know no one asked and I’m going to make some roll their eyes...but I mourn the simple days of hen dos being a night out with your pals.

God yes, I know someone who is going away for a week as is her partner for the stag, which my partner was invited to. £1000 each it would have cost us! We are all adults with families and full time jobs, as if we are going to waste one of our 4 weeks holiday a year on going on a pre wedding piss up! I just don't get it!

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:28

@Tinkoschminko it was booked for Friday until Monday. My sister didn't even know what profession she had when she discussed dates with them all. She's a nursery teacher btw.

OP posts:
Tinkoschminko · 05/04/2019 21:30

It’s a bastard getting time off teaching - nursery or otherwise. Honestly, she’s probably not lying.

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2019 21:32

No way a nursery teacher would get term time holiday for a hen do.

ballsdeep · 05/04/2019 21:32

Tbh I thibk its a piss take having a hen party which costs £300 plus.

Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:33

I feel like at this stage I could say that she shagged my fiancé and you'd all say I'm the one in the wrong 🙈 thanks for those people who gave me there opinions in a kind, diplomatic way :) I'm sure I'll have a great time no matter what and will take on board what everyone has said and let it go!

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:34

@Tinkoschminko I don't think she is lying. Just like I said confused me that she agreed to come knowing she couldn't. Even if she did get a new job surely it would be the same issue of not getting term time off?

OP posts:
Original poster
popsadaisy · 05/04/2019 21:35

@ballsdeep fair enough and if you think that then you'd not agree to go.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.