AIBU to feel a little upset by this incident with partner...perspective needed

[Vebrb]

Recently we were driving to a family event. I don't drink, partner does so it made sense for me to drive (I offered). Also although I've been driving for a couple of years I've done very little motorway driving and want to increase this (route to the event was about a 50 min drive just over half of which was on motorway and not at a busy time so seemed a good opportunity).

I did have google maps on my phone to show the route but I don't find it great (I have got a proper satnav with lane assist but like a muppet I'd lent it to a friend and not got it back yet so phone it was). Foolishly I thought my partner would help me if I got confused.

Silly me.

Instead he was basically shouting at me...at one point we were turning right ahead but I wasnt sure which lane (roundabout and no road markings) he's bellowing turn right turn right...which fucking lane do you think?

Later I asked the speed limit (by this point was on a dual carriageway I'd looked for a sign but couldn't see one) so again hes like well what do you think it is, why are we telling you and so on...

When we arrived I missed the turning (dark country lane and I don't see well in the dark - I'm fine on roads with lighting etc I just couldn't see the turn) cue more shouting, ditto when we got to car park and I asked where to park - why was I asking, couldn't I work it out myself.

I only learnt to drive at his suggestion. He was really encouraging of me at the time and really patient but now it feels like he expects me to know it all and never ask anything. I don't expect constant advice (when I drive with one friend she's always telling me when to change lanes, turn etc which I don't need and find confusing) but I thought asking your partner for some help or advice if you weren't sure was ok. Aibu?

No, he was being unkind. You should have left him to walk back.

Maybe he was nervous? I would have been if you can't read a map, don't know speed limits and can't see very well!!
Sorry op but not sure you should be driving!!

Your partner shouldn't have behaved like that, but the bits you've struggled with (right at roundabout with no markings and speed limit with no signs) are basic highway code. Maybe refreshing yourself on the basics would improve your confidence a bit?

No he was being a knob
There's no need for him to have been so aggressive

He should not have shouted at you.

You should not be driving given how little you know. You should take an advanced driving course. Sorry OP but people like you are dangerous on the roads.

He was being totally obnoxious.

However, for a short drive, look at a map, have in your head where you are going. You shouldn’t need lane assist to navigate a roundabout.

I think newish drivers are actually disempowered by such reliance in technology (and knobish DH’s).

Go out for a drive by yourself a few times, including the motorway, enjoy it and learn to trust your own capability.

I agree you should probably be able to know what the speed limits are and which lane to be in for a roundabout as its normally marked. However there is no excuse for being nasty and aggressive. Have you spoken to him about how he spoke to you?

He was being bloody rude, but it does sound as if the odd extra driving lesson might be of benefit. And if you don't see well in the dark have you had your eyesight checked for night driving?

Whilst his aggression was wrong I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with you as a driver.

You don't seem to anticipate ahead of time, or make sensible choices about which lane to be in at a roundabout (surely there were road signs?)

You're unaware of speed limits

Admit you can't see well at night

also why did you ask where to park in a carpark?

Where we live dual carriageways have speed limits of anything between 30 and 70. I know that the general rule is 70 but as I say where we are they are often less. I didn't want to get a speeding ticket by blithely assuming it was 70.

On the approach to roundabout there were 4 lanes and 5 exits, I needed exit 4. Again near us you often need to be in a particular lane on approach I was just asking which one of 3 or 4 I should be in. All he needed to say was lane 4. Shouting at me wasn't helpful.

Get some motorway lessons with a driving instructor and 're take your theory test
You should know the speed limits

It s easy to miss a turning but start calm
Go round the roundabout again or take the next one

When we arrived I missed the turning (dark country lane and I don't see well in the dark - I'm fine on roads with lighting etc I just couldn't see the turn)

WTF?? Get your eyes tested and in the meantime, don't drive at night. You could kill someone.

Also, you should know what lane to turn right from and the speed limit on a dual carriageway. Perhaps do more more driving lessons to give you more confidence?

Being in the right lane to turn right is basic Highway Code, as are speed limits a dual carriageway. If I was a passenger in the car and someone didn't know basics like that I'd probably be quite worried tbh.

He shouldn't have shouted at you but if you don't know the basics you should have a re-read your theory stuff. As the passenger you have little to no control over what's happening and you're trusting the driver to know what to do - it seems that you didn't know.

And if you can't see in the dark properly then you really, really shouldn't be driving at night on country lanes!

I'm glad I wasn't a passenger with the pair of you!
He sounds bad and you shouldn't be driving if you dont know the limits and which lane to get into and you can't see well in the dark.
You are a liability on the road by the sound of it.

What a nightmare!!

I know speed limits. But i cant be expected to know by instinct if a dual carriagewqy is 40, 50 60 or 70 when I've never driven on it before!

As it was a little way further I saw a sign saying 50. Thankfully I was going under this.

There were no signs on the approach to roundabout, no.

He wbu to shout at you but as another poster has said all of the things you struggled with are in the highway code.

I'm a non driver myself but read the highway code as a teenager as a cycled everywhere.

How did you pass your theory and practical tests?

I know that the general rule is 70 but as I say where we are they are often less. I didn't want to get a speeding ticket by blithely assuming it was 70

If it's anything other than standard, there will be very obvious signs as you enter the change of speed zone, followed by frequent repeater signs.

On the approach to roundabout there were 4 lanes and 5 exits, I needed exit 4. Again near us you often need to be in a particular lane on approach I was just asking which one of 3 or 4 I should be in. All he needed to say was lane 4

You probably want the same lane for exit 3 or 4. You need to be able to drive, negotiate lanes and use road markings and/or sign information simultaneously.

You should consider speaking to your driving instructor about a Pass Plus course. This includes motorways and night driving.

There were no signs on the approach to roundabout, no.

I find that hard to believe It's a 4 lane roundabout with 5 exits, i'm sure there would have been a sign prior to this to allow drivers to get into the correct lane.

I think you do need more lessons.
If you can’t see in the dark then you need to be off the road till you can as that is not ok.

Please read my posts people. If you dont live in an area like mine where not all dual carriageways are 70 this might seem odd.

I have 20/20 vision according to my optician. But travelling along an unfamiliar country lane at 40mph I couldn't see a turning on the opposite side of the road til we'd gone past it. When we arrived lots of people had done the same so either we're all shit drivers or it was easy to miss!

X posted with a few!

How would you have managed this type of route if you had been by yourself for any reason?

He sounds horrible maybe he encouraged you to drive so that you could always be the designated driver and his taxi service?

In fairness though sounds like you need to learn a bit more about the usual road rules like speed limits and what lane to be in. Although I've been driving for 23 years ( that makes me feel old) and will still occasionally look at a road and think what's the speed or get to a roundabout and think which lane I regularly drive for 6 hours in one day and in those situations just use my judgement.

It might be an idea if you can afford the petrol to go out driving alone, I would learn to map read and plot out a route as I think sat nav sometimes makes you to reliant on it and can go wrong. Then the next two you partner is nasty like this you can drive off into the sunset

i cant be expected to know by instinct if a dual carriagewqy is 40, 50 60 or 70 when I've never driven on it before!

If it's anything other than standard speed on that type of road, then there'll be signs to say so.

If it was 50 as you say, then there would have been signs to say that.

Everyone misses a turning occasionally OP but you said yourself in your OP that you don't see very well in the dark.

Although you seem to be backtracking on that slightly.

Hes being unkind,, I'm shite on the MW & would have a few lessons if I could be arsed..maybe try that, my oh is a dick too when I drive