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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

422 replies

GunpowderGelatine · 30/03/2019 08:35

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

OP posts:
Brownpigeon · 30/03/2019 08:37

No. If the woman is sticking by the man, despite knowing, then not a chance. Judgement and morals are already skewed and I wouldn't trust her.

darkriver19886 · 30/03/2019 08:38

Never in a million years.

Littlebluebird123 · 30/03/2019 08:38

Your child, your rules ultimately.

Mine don't go to sleepovers and are older than your dd. There's rarely any 'need' for a sleepover. Can't you arrange a fun activity instead?

MummytoTw0 · 30/03/2019 08:38

What a ridiculous post

Do you really need people's advice?

OF COURSE NOT!!! DO NOT LET YOUR STAY THERE

PotteringAlong · 30/03/2019 08:38

I agree, it’s a no from me.

TooGood2BeFalse · 30/03/2019 08:39

Nope.I would be wary of her motivations.

Drizzlehair · 30/03/2019 08:39

No, too risky.

Too much to lose, and tbh not much to gain if all goes well. Why risk it?

Oysterbabe · 30/03/2019 08:39

That's the easiest no ever. If there was even the smallest chance her husband would be there then there's a chance he could abuse my child.

Praiseyou · 30/03/2019 08:39

If she knows about the abuse and hasn't reported him and left him, I wouldn't trust her judgement on anything and she would be nowhere near my child.

user1480880826 · 30/03/2019 08:39

No

HumpHumpWhale · 30/03/2019 08:40

I'm reading this as him not being there, which is why you're even contemplating it. Still no way, not in a million years. I'd cut all contact with her, actually, never mind letting her see my child.

amymel2016 · 30/03/2019 08:40

Absolutely not, if she’s sticking by him then she obviously isn’t grasping the seriousness of the situation. I wouldn’t trust her at all.

MashedSpud · 30/03/2019 08:40

Not a chance.

I’d cut ties with her too for being with him.

Howzaboutye · 30/03/2019 08:40

No way
Never
Absolutely not

BrieAndChilli · 30/03/2019 08:40

No, because it’s a slippery slope. You may be sure this time that there’s no risk of this man having access, but slowly as you let her have more access you will get more relaxed and there will come a time when he will ‘pop’ in and she obviously doesn’t see the danger of him so will not be vigilant in not letting g him alone.

Bussells · 30/03/2019 08:41

I’m not sure if some pp have realised she won’t be staying at the house where the man is, but I personally would not trust my child with someone who willingly lives with a paedophile, no matter where the sleepover would take place. I would have no respect or trust in someone like that.

Baby2namehelp · 30/03/2019 08:41

No. She’s supporting him and he might show up there.

I hope his original victim is not a family member too. A friend of mine had a sister abused by another sisters husband.

HumpHumpWhale · 30/03/2019 08:41

Oh and my reason is that she clearly has very poor boundaries and no regard for the suffering of children so can't be trusted.

Jackshouse · 30/03/2019 08:41

No way. I won’t leave my 6 year alone with someone they really know over night. Never mind one who is colliding with a peadophile.

user1493413286 · 30/03/2019 08:42

No, to be honest I wouldn’t have anything to do with the woman either.
If she knows that her husband is a paedophile then she’s either ok with it which is a risk or is in denial about it which is just as big a risk. If she doesn’t believe he’s a risk what would stop her taking your DD to see him without telling you.

SevenSeasofRye · 30/03/2019 08:42

No way

GucciDay · 30/03/2019 08:42

No, obviously Confused. No explanation is ever needed when you need to keep your child safe.

ThanosSavedMe · 30/03/2019 08:43

No. Agree with pp the fact that she has stayed with this man means that she has minimised what he has done. Also she hasn’t ever had your child alone, why does she want an overnight stay? Why can’t she visit as usual. Sorry I don’t trust her motives.

I really wouldn’t care if it caused offence. My child’s safety comes first. Always.

cliquewhyohwhy · 30/03/2019 08:43

Never over my dead body.

Mememeplease · 30/03/2019 08:43

No. She's already proved she's willing to overlook serious things. So she'd certainly overlook less serious, but nonetheless worrying things too.