Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

[GunpowderGelatine]

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

Over my dead body. And even then it would still be a no.

Absolutely not.

No. She’s a risk to children as she doesn’t have the capacity to protect them from harm.

Absolutly no way.

Why would you be concidering this op?

Of course not

Even if the husband isn’t there I wouldn’t do it. He could ask for seemingly innocent photos of your DC but use it for sinister means e.g. ‘aww send me a photo of DC sleeping’ etc

No. Not worth the risk. She can see DD at my house with me present but she can't be trusted to look after her alone and certainly not overnight. Not worth the risk.

ABSOLUTELY NO WAY. Hell would freeze over first.

Why does she want your dd overnight?

I think this is where in itself.

I am an aunty and I am v. Close to my nieces. I don't live close so they come stay at my house.

When I am at my parents, who live close, I wouldn't dream of asking to have them overnight. I would visit at their house.

Bizzare and with the peopdophile connection would undoubtably be a no.

No I would not put my children knowingly in danger.

No.

What possible reason could a grown adult have for wanting to have a sleepover with a child that isn't theirs?

There's ONE reason, and that's before you add in the fact that she's completely comfortable living with a convicted paedophile.

No, I agree with a previous poster who said her morals are skewed and I too wouldn't trust her. These people would no longer be in my family circle.

Dear god, no way! We do have this exact situation in our family. My MIL is married to a known paedophile (convicted, went to prison for several years). My dc do not step foot in their house, MIL does not have an unsupervised contact and definitely no overnights (she doesn’t think what he did was a ‘big deal’). Our dc has no contact at all with her for several years until she agreed to very strict terms of contact.

People like this are very easily manipulated. I would not doubt that MIL would send photos to her partner (not my dh’s dad btw!) if he pushed her as she believes he is innocent and just a harmless nice guy. We give her no opportunity to do such things even if we believe she likely means no harm.

Absolutely no way would my child be going there.

Absolutely not, no way, not no how, obviously.

Yes of course, what's the worst that could happen..

It's worrying that you have to even ask this - you are insane to even be considering this

If she willingly lives her life with a paedophile she shouldn’t be near anyone’s children as she clearly has no respect for their safety. This has to be a big NO from you - a six year old can’t defend herself against abuse and should never be placed in a situation where it could occur.

I wouldn’t care how nice this person seemed - she’s not nice because by staying with a paedophile she’s condoning his behaviour.

No way!! She supports a paedophile and therefore is not capable of safeguarding your dd. Limited supervised contact only (assuming mum or mil)

@CatToddlerUprising that was exactly my thinking too.

I highly doubt OP is seriously considering saying yes, I suspect they’ve already said no and had some pressure from family members saying “but it’s only her, she’s not going to do anything is she?!” and OP feels the need to have some good responses.

Why is she asking?

Why is she saying she wants the child overnight at someone else's house?

Because she knows she is with a paedophile?

Because she knows you are frightened she is with a paedophile?

In which case, why is she asking to have the child overnight?

In all scenarios she is ignoring your feelings and concerns and putting what she wants over the safety of your child and your wishes as a responsible, decent parent.

She's a very selfish and morally stupid woman at best. At worst she's grooming for him.

Definitely not, better safe than sorry.

Does she believe her husband is a paedophile and is ok with it?? I can see how this would be awkward if she doesn't believe it but I wouldn't care.

No. Even without knowing what you know, I think 6 is very young for sleepovers. Mine like to settle at home, with their parents.

Knowing what you know, I wouldn't even consider any unsupervised contact of any type.

Over my dead body

No. No way. Not a chance.

I wouldn't even allow a relationship between my dc and this woman.

My reason is that she's either been groomed by him or controlled by him. Or - she condones abuse. Take your pick.