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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

422 replies

GunpowderGelatine · 30/03/2019 08:35

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

OP posts:
SharkSave · 30/03/2019 08:43

Nope nope nope

Holidayshopping · 30/03/2019 08:43

You say that you believe the accusations are 100% true, but does the wife? Does she think they are lies? Or does she accept he is a paedophile but she is staying with him anyway?

No, I wouldn’t be letting my child go round but I presume you have already talked about this and you have made your feelings very clear?

alrightdoll · 30/03/2019 08:43

Absolutely fucking not and she would have been cut off from my children well before now for marrying him knowing what he is. She is also disgusting. No no no no no.

Mylittlepony374 · 30/03/2019 08:44

Not a chance. Never.

ElizabethMainwaring · 30/03/2019 08:44

No. I remember your previous post about this I think. Was it about six months ago? Anyway, it was a unanimous no vote then too. I can pretty much guarantee that it will be a litany of no's here.

Nowordsleft · 30/03/2019 08:45

Why is she asking to have your child overnight? It’s no anyway.

GucciDay · 30/03/2019 08:45

It's worrying you even have to ask tbh.

lunar1 · 30/03/2019 08:45

No chance, her moral compass is way off what's ok, there is no way on earth I would trust her judgment regarding my children. Even if she left him I still wouldn't allow it. Something is not quite right about a person who can overlook this.

SoyDora · 30/03/2019 08:45

No. She’s proved herself to have bad judgement and morals.

TeddyIsaHe · 30/03/2019 08:46

Why would you even consider this? Seriously?

Dramatical · 30/03/2019 08:46

Fucking hell, absolutely no way.

I do hope you are not the wife in the situation

SlipperyLizard · 30/03/2019 08:46

Nope, never, not in a million years.

FrozenMargarita17 · 30/03/2019 08:46

Sorry I got to 'paedophile' and had my answer already. Definitely not.

BlueJava · 30/03/2019 08:47

Obvioulsy I wouldn't let my child go. It's not even about being reasonable or unreasonable - it's common sense.

SlipperyLizard · 30/03/2019 08:48

The reason being that if she’s knowingly married a paedophile I could not trust her judgement to keep my child safe from anything.

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 30/03/2019 08:48

Hell no!
And I’d be steering well clear of anyone who is knowingly associated with a peadophile.

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/03/2019 08:49

No. And they would be told not to ask again or contact would be reduced. They need to have it made clear to them that being with a known paedophile negatively impacts on their relationship with children.

GwenCooper81 · 30/03/2019 08:49

Nope. Her moral compass is skewed if she's stopping with a paedophile. Very poor boundaries. No no no.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 30/03/2019 08:49

Fuck No.

kaldefotter · 30/03/2019 08:49

Never, ever, ever. You must protect your DD, and not allow this to become an "in". Don't let your guard drop with your relative. You can't trust her. And you don't need to justify your decision to her either.

formerbabe · 30/03/2019 08:49

NEVER

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 30/03/2019 08:49

I assume the OP already said no, but there's pressure being put on/made feel guilty as in this instance it would be at someone else's house, she wouldn't be solely in charge and she's not the one accused.

Despite all that, it would still be a hell no from me because her priorities and judgement are fucked.

DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible · 30/03/2019 08:50

Absolutely not.

EleanorOalike · 30/03/2019 08:51

Unfortunately, I’ve got some paedophile apologists in my life at the moment. They disgust me, as does this woman.

If she is ok with being in a relationship with a known paedophile then imo she’s also not a safe person to have around a child and my answer would be a firm no.

She’s neither the child’s mother nor father. She doesn’t need overnight access to your little girl. The fact she’s trying to get it concerns me.

swimrunfun · 30/03/2019 08:51

No.

If the original post was short, I'd think this is a troll post.

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