Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

[GunpowderGelatine]

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

OP I'm roaring here reading your posts. You poor thing. You are amazingly strong.
You already know this but don't ever let your daughter near your mother. She is toxic

I remember your other post, OP. I’m so sorry. As bad mothers go, you got landed with a doozy, and I really admire your strength in dealing with her.

I really hope you manage to go completely NC with her soon. I don’t mean to be alarmist, but I am worried that your daughter is not completely safe as long as she has any contact with your mother.

This insistence on sleepovers and alone time with your DD... very concerning.

empod RTFT - or at least look at the OP:s posts

Gunpowder - you absolute hero!! Well done, SO well done, for getting that out so she now knows exactly why.
And yes, well done for spotting the absolute bollocks diversionary tactic about the "breast lump" - quite sure she would have mentioned THAT before if it was genuine, not waited until you said something she didn't like.

Totally agree you should have nothing to do with her on Mothers' Day - she doesn't deserve it.

So proud of the steps you've taken today - and you should be too!

You are strong and amazing OP. Happy Mothers Day.

Hell no and any safeguarding lead I would be reporting it if they knew.

Happy Mother’s Day OP. You are exactly what your children need. I’m sorry you didn’t get the mother you deserved. I find it difficult to believe she had no idea there was something going on. She must have turned a blind eye to it.

She looked shocked upset and said she would never harm her. - but she allowed you to be harmed, so she obviously doesn't consider it to be 'harm'.

So by this reasoning, she would allow your dd to be Sexually Abused by him, as she won't consider that to be 'harm' to her either.

She is still sleeping with someone who likes abusing children [ugh] and doesn't see the 'harm'.

Not in a million years, your first responsibility as a parent is to protect your child so that’s what you have to do.

Just chiming in to say how wonderfully brave you were Gunpowder. You’re a fantastic mother who is doing the best thing for her children despite the awful things you’ve experienced. I hope you have the strength from this to go NC and then go further to report this monster to the police.

FFS @womandear RTFT or at least just the bits on green from OP. It’s just lazy.

No. Never. And to be honest I’d cut ties with someone married to a peado. You don’t need MN to tell you to not put your child at risk of harm.

Op you are amazing, your dd is lucky to have you. I am so sorry that you experienced so much abuse.

You are doing the right thing re your mother, she did not keep you safe.

Happy Mother’s Day @gunpowder 💐
You sound like a wonderful mum to your children, despite the dispicible mothering you yourself had.
Well done for standing up to her 🥇

Well done OP!!!

Happy Mother’s Day Gunpowder. Hope you are having a lovely day. Have you heard from your mum? I bet there’s a whole load of drama she will kick up before she lets go.

Well I hope you are all proud of me, I didn't see her today or send a Mother's Day message. A do feel a bit guilty but I think I've just been conditioned to feel that way! Her head will be spinning up at my grandads. I don't think we'll really have time for the cinema tomorrow either

Proud that you are putting yourself first. Good on you!

I'm a complete stranger but fuck yeah I'm proud of you. Stand tall lovely, you are strong, you are in control, you are in the right and tbh, you're pretty fucking awesome!

Keep at it!

Well done to you. What struck me throughout your exchange with her is that she never denied anything you kept saying to her. She is just as bad as him. What mother allows that?
She is toxic and just as bad as a paedophile. I hope you one day find the strength to cut her out completely from your life. And dont believe for a second that she loves your children.
If she couldnt love their mother enough, theres no way she knows how to love children that are not hers.

Yes!!!

Well done, Gunpowder! So proud of you.

And well done for deciding not to go tomorrow. You’ve absolutely been conditioned to feel guilty and it will take some time for you to break free of that but you WILL!

That took some courage to do that, well done you! Don't feel guilty one bit, although, as you say, it's conditioning isn't it? Guilt is not an emotion your mother ever felt.

Brilliantly well done, Gunpowder; it's not easy to break away like this as I know to my cost, but break away you must - and you're doing it

Well done again on pulling back from tomorrow's trip. If you really are going NC this is as good a start as any, and you'll find it gradually gets easier (though she'll almost certainly ramp up the health crisis thing)

Onwards and upwards ... you can do this!!

Oo go you.

Yay go you
Stay strong