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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my otherwise healthy 39 yo DB shouldn’t be trying not to die from sepsis?

222 replies

doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:46

Just that really. Best part of a week spent in ICU, where I’ve been staying o/night with DSiL as she is still bf their 7 month old. Now I’m home and I have time to think, and I think it is all a bit shit. I thought I should come home and see my DC and DH but I’m going to end up more emotional-wreck than rested. How on earth do I support my DM and DF as their beautiful son lies day after day, just-about-not-dying? How on earth can I hold space for my wonderful, brave DSiL and their two DC when I just want to shout and scream at him to stop being such a pillock and get the feck better?

OP posts:
Gibble1 · 29/03/2019 23:50

Oh Lordy. I have nothing useful to say but am thinking of you and your family at this bloody awful time 💐

Kingofthenorth · 29/03/2019 23:53

Big hugs Thanks

Such a difficult situation to be in.

I can only say from recent/ongoing experience of watching a family member fight for their life it is an awful thing to go through and your words resonate with me. That urge to just scream 'get better!!'

I can offer nothing but virtual hugs as I am struggling severely with what is happening myself and other unrelated awful shite that seems to just continuously rain down on me at the moment.

We can only wait to get to the other side, whatever that may be.

Life can be incredibly cruel Thanks

Elbbob · 29/03/2019 23:54

I'm so sorry. It's OK to shout and scream, but maybe just into a pillow.

whycantIthinkofadecentusername · 29/03/2019 23:56

Nothing to offer except hugs and a hand hold. Your family will be in my thoughts tonight. Thanks

YouBumder · 29/03/2019 23:57

I’m so sorry. I hope he turns a corner soon and you can give him a ticking off, as well as a bloody big cuddle x Flowers

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:58

Thank you. It is much harder being at home somehow. I was okay when I had to be strong and sensible for everybody at the hospital- my brain is good at retaining and understanding medical info (hurrah! Aspergers!) but now I am just exhausted and reeling. It is a lonely experience, despite the wonderfulness of kind friends.

OP posts:
rightreckoner · 30/03/2019 00:03

It’s so shocking and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I just want to tell you that a friend got sepsis six weeks ago. Heart attacks, kidney failure, induced coma, the lot. Her family were told she was unlikely to survive.

She came home from hospital this week. She’s got a terribly long road ahead but it looks as though she will make a complete recovery. I hope this gives you something to hold on to. Of course every case is different but we all thought we would lose her and we haven’t.

Wishing you and your family all the very best Flowers

Kintan · 30/03/2019 00:10

So sorry to hear that your brother is so sick. I wish him a fully recovery in mind body and spirit. Sepsis is an awful. We lost my dad to it earlier in the year. He was 78 though, and your brother is a young man,so hopefully stands a good chance of a full recovery- ICU is the best place for him. Sending you love and strength x

MotherOfTheNoise · 30/03/2019 00:12

It's just shit. It's really just a big old pile of shit! Have a good cry and a scream (into a pillow) and let everything out. Being strong for your family is great, but you've got to let it out. Thinking of you and yours tonight Thanks I really hope he turns a corner for you all. (Have an unmumsnetty hug too)

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 30/03/2019 00:13

That really does help. Thank you. There have been some very bleak moments- even if he doesn’t make it, knowing that he could feels less ghastly. I should try and get some sleep now that I have access to my own lovely bed. Thank you all. MN at its very best Flowers

OP posts:
itslikeblackpoolilluminations · 30/03/2019 00:20

Heart goes out for you and your family tonight Flowers
When my sister was 18 she had an operation and the wound became infected, ended up with sepsis.
Seeing my younger sister so poorly was traumatising for me, but looking back seeing my mum in such a state was probably even worse.
Pulling myself together for the sake of my family meant that I had a delayed reaction to the stress of it all, so let it out now whilst you're alone. It is completely normal to cry, to scream, it can actually be good for you!

Marcipex · 30/03/2019 00:21

Try to rest, and hope for better news in the morning. You sound like a fighter so I guess he is too.
((((hugs ))))

SleepWarrior · 30/03/2019 00:30

These kind of terrible waiting games are often easier when you have a practical role, so makes sense that it's even harder at home where you feel completely helpless.

Praying that he recovers well from this Flowers

Don't forget to look after yourself - nutritious food, enough sleep (and rest time if sleep is problematic) etc.

ohfourfoxache · 30/03/2019 00:56

Oh shit Shock Sad

You’re doing really well, you’re being so strong for everyone. But don’t forget that you need support too. You probably don’t feel like it, but eat and drink as much as you can, and grab any and all rest if the opportunity arises.

You’re going to be needed long term - so you need to make sure that you’re doing everything you can to stay strong.

Do you have any RL support?

HennyPennyHorror · 30/03/2019 00:59

Flowers My best friend's DH came through this quite recently OP. He was 47 and not that fit....he survived, is back at work.

Your DB is younger AND fit. He has you all there....I'm sending you all the good vibes.

LoudJazzHands · 30/03/2019 01:09

Wishing your brother the best of luck, OP.

notsodimwit · 30/03/2019 01:25

Thinking of you Op Flowers

polarpig · 30/03/2019 01:35

Thinking of you here too Flowers

Zoflorabore · 30/03/2019 01:39

Thinking of you and your brother op.

This happened to an old school friend of mine last year. She was 40 and not fit at all and after being touch and go several times has made a full recovery and is now back at work.

Every day he is here is another day he has fought this Flowers

StinkyVonWinky · 30/03/2019 01:56

Sending you and your brother all the best OP. And every other member of the family too. Sounds like you’re doing everything you posssibly can. I hope your brother gets better very soon. X

thaegumathteth · 30/03/2019 02:15

My dad was Unwell like your brother with sepsis when I was a toddler - he survived and lived another 30+ years.

I also got sepsis and luckily wasn’t in ICU or anything but it’s a scary thing to go through and takes a while to come to terms with.

SkippingPages · 30/03/2019 02:41

My MIL came was in ICU with sepsis. Took a long time, as other posters have said. She was in much less good health than your DB beforehand.It was touch and go in the first week, but she did it. So there is hope, even if it doesn't seem that way now.

It's only when you get a moment of respite in these situations, that you get a chance to see how you're feeling. It's overwhelming. Take care OP

Worriedwart18 · 30/03/2019 03:14

My son had sepsis when he was 5 months old back in January. To make matters worse A&E sent us home. If I hadn't followed my instincts they night he would have died.

I'm not going to lie I'm still struggling to come to terms with it all. I still have nightmares. You just need to be strong and come together as a family to get through it.

Luckily my son is alive but has damage to one of his kidneys. Sepsis is on the rise, more people need to educate themselves about the signs and symptoms.

Best of luck to you and your family Flowers

Ps. If you are really struggling mentally I called up Sepsis UK and spoke to one of their call team. They were very friendly and helpful and supportive through it all.

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 30/03/2019 10:46

I didn’t know Sepsis UK was even a thing, so that is very helpful.
It does seem to be more prevalent, don’t know if that’s because it is better understood or actually more frequent.

OP posts:
Haphazardhacker · 30/03/2019 21:53

Nothing really to add but sending virtual hugs. He is in the best place to help him. Amazing things happen in hospitals, my father in law had necrotising fasciitis which was not diagnosed that quickly as he thought he had the flu, he was admitted after collapsing and was hours from death, the priest came it was that bad, but with the help of the amazing nurses he turned a corner and he is here to tell the tale.