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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my otherwise healthy 39 yo DB shouldn’t be trying not to die from sepsis?

222 replies

doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:46

Just that really. Best part of a week spent in ICU, where I’ve been staying o/night with DSiL as she is still bf their 7 month old. Now I’m home and I have time to think, and I think it is all a bit shit. I thought I should come home and see my DC and DH but I’m going to end up more emotional-wreck than rested. How on earth do I support my DM and DF as their beautiful son lies day after day, just-about-not-dying? How on earth can I hold space for my wonderful, brave DSiL and their two DC when I just want to shout and scream at him to stop being such a pillock and get the feck better?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 30/03/2019 21:58

I had sepsis at 19 after an operation ended up in ICU on a ventilator you brother might recover I am sorry your family are going through this Flowers

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/03/2019 22:03

So sorry OP, what a absolute nightmare for you all. Best best wishes for his recovery Flowers

CoffeeRunner · 30/03/2019 22:09

Awareness of sepsis has grown hugely in recent years, including training HCPs to recognise sepsis when they see it. This may well be why more people seem to be diagnosed with it nowadays.

As a young, generally fit, person DB stands as good a chance as any of fighting this OP. I know sepsis is very scary, but people absolutely do recover from it & live to resume their normal lives. I hope & pray that your DB will be home again very soon Flowers.

Jenniferyellowcat · 30/03/2019 22:14

Thinking of you and your family OP. I just wanted to say that my friend’s DH had sepsis, also in ICU, induced coma, and he is OK now but it was just awful at the time. Wishing your DB a speedy recovery Flowers

3dogs2cats · 30/03/2019 22:17

Crikey. That is awful. And your poor sil, all this with a young baby. You can only keep doing what you do. But this is not normal, so don’t think you have to act ok. You don’t.

elliejjtiny · 30/03/2019 22:30

Thinking of you and your family OP. I have had sepsis and made a full recovery.

anniehm · 30/03/2019 22:34

It's so sudden and that's what makes it so hard. There's more awareness now but it's alas too common. Thinking of you Thanks

RJnomore1 · 30/03/2019 22:38

12 years ago in May I was hospitalised with sepsis. I’m really lucky to be here (I remember eventually the consultant coming and saying I had to go to surgery immediately as I wasn’t making it to my scheduled slot). But I’m here and I’m healthy. Every good vibe I can muster is headed your brothers way in the hope he’s saying the same thing in another 12 years.

sm40 · 30/03/2019 23:03

I had sepsis at 39, 2 hours from death and I'm still here.
Please contact sepsis uk charity. They have a helpline and will be able to discuss anything with you, they also do a drop in discussion sessions every quarter if you live near one. Worth a visit as it turns out that you are not alone (also useful for your dB).
Was it sudden? There will be a lot of what ifs, but it's caught and he's in the right place! Big hugs!

Bringbackthestripes · 30/03/2019 23:05

DH had pneumonia and sepsis and 4 months later had flu and sepsis.
I remember googling sepsis......and wishing I hadn’t. It isn’t your job to support DF &DM, they have each other. Who is supporting you?
They (hospital) know he has it, they are treating as best they can and doing their utmost to return him to his loved ones but please get someone you can speak to IRL.
I will be keeping everything crossed for your DB and hoping he he makes a speedy recovery so he can soon be home with his 7 month old.

AnneOfCleanTables · 30/03/2019 23:06

Remember to look after yourself too OP. It's easy to put everyone else first but you need a little space for you to rest and process. I hope your DB's condition improves soon Flowers

IncrediblySadToo · 30/03/2019 23:26

It’s a very strange feeling when someone young, seemingly fit & healthy is in hospital fighting for their life.

Whilst your SIL does need your support, she’ll know you need hers too, he’s your brother as much as her husband. Maybe she needs to cry with you?

Anyway, I think you should get back there soon and tell him to stop being such a lazy fucker! Tell him enough is enough and he’s had his time out from seeing to the baby in the night! 😉

He’s young, he’s fit and he’s healthy. Try to be positive because the odds are stacked in his favour x

babyno5 · 30/03/2019 23:44

@doesthatmakesense sending you a big hug and keeping you and your family in my prayers (I hope that doesn't offend in any way). Wishing a positive outcome and this time next year you can give him a playful thump and a hug for worrying you all so much!
Please let us know how everything is and don't forget to look after yourself too xxx💐💐

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 30/03/2019 23:48

I'm so sorry OP, life can be so cruel Flowers

TheZeppo · 30/03/2019 23:52

My brother got sepsis when he was 27. It went cold>chest infection> sepsis so very quickly.

When I saw him in the hospital his lips were black and he had lost SO much weight it was sickening. We are twins- I genuinely thought I was going to lose him and I wouldn’t have coped without him.

He recovered and (thankfully) rather quickly. I sincerely hope and pray for your family Flowers

SavageBeauty73 · 31/03/2019 00:10

Sending love. My friend survived. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

DownUdderer · 31/03/2019 00:36

You’re in my thoughts

FurrySlipperBoots · 31/03/2019 00:52

I'm so sorry OP, how horrendous. Sending tonnes of vibes for your brother, you and the family.

Soverytiredofeverythinggoingon · 31/03/2019 03:00

I had sepsis. It's really really frightening to all the loved ones around, but I had no idea how ill I was or how close I came to not surviving at the time I was going through it.
He is really ill. He hopefully won't know just how ill he is. He will hopefully recover and then you can all talk about how scarey it all was. After he is better.

Monty27 · 31/03/2019 03:07

Positive vibes OP. I hope db pulls through Flowers

Kintan · 31/03/2019 11:08

Have been thinking of you and your brother doesthatmakesense xx

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 01/04/2019 23:44

My goodness, what a lot of lovely people there are on MN! This is the first chance I have had to check back, and I'm just so grateful for all these kind hearts and minds reaching out through the interweb. It really does help.

My poor/daft/awkward brother is still fighting, but with odds against him as he was declared allergic to penicillin 37 yrs ago so they can't use the best combination and the bacterium (fusobacterium > Lemierre's syndrome - i got to that diagnosis based on microbiology and history, dr's were still looking for abdo-bowel issues) is still going dangerously strong. I expect we will be asked to make a decision as to whether or not to try a penicillin based drug at some point: he's may die anyway, as one of the drugs he is on is known to provoke antibiotic resistance and is significantly less effective. Today's consultant is a patronising closed-book type, who just really upset everybody without any need- we already knew he was mortally ill, known that for a week thanks, so no need to restate four different ways...

If by chance there any MN microbiologists out there, we could use your superpowers...

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 02/04/2019 00:14

Hi, just wanted to share with you that my mum had sepsis last year and I one point I was told she wouldn't make the day. She did thankfully and she is recovering well. My mum was also allergic to penicillin and only had anti'bs. They have to keep changing as the sepsis eventually becomes resistant. Anyway my mums last chance was a new drug called Linezolid and thankfully it did the job. It was the last drug they could try.
I'm wishing your DB to make a good recovery. Xx

Samind · 02/04/2019 00:19

Sorry to hear you are going through this and to your family 💔

ScienceIsTruth · 02/04/2019 00:46

Another story with a happy ending. I hope it helps you to feel more positive. Flowers

My father's gall bladder burst, unnoticed, whilst he was in hospital, until the gangrene/necrosis that had set in reached his liver and he started bleeding out.
He was in the process of being discharged at the time, and I went from expecting him home to being told to get to the hospital quickly before he passed away.

They tried for 5 hours to stabilise him by the bedside before giving up and risking taking him for a scan (which is when they realised his liver was bleeding out).

They then operated on him for 5+ hours without much hope and cut away all the necrotising/gangrenous flesh and tried to stop the bleeding. He made it through the operation and they left his abdomen packed open in order to go back into surgery the next day, if he survived the next 12hrs.
He was in a coma until New Year's Day from the collapse/surgery in mid December.
During that time he contracted infection after infection and then sepsis set in. The prognosis was very poor.

Every time the consultant visited he was surprised that my dad was still alive as he was 75 at the time and already in poor health with heart problems, etc.

When he woke up, he was suffering delirium and he contracted mrsa and sepsis again. In total he spent around 6 months in hospital.

That was a year ago, and although it's taken a while, he's made a good recovery and is pretty much back to normal now.

He recovered fully from the sepsis, even though he's old and was in poor health.

I'm sending your db much strength and best wishes for a full recovery.
My thoughts are also with you. Flowers Stay strong and look after yourself.

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