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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my otherwise healthy 39 yo DB shouldn’t be trying not to die from sepsis?

222 replies

doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:46

Just that really. Best part of a week spent in ICU, where I’ve been staying o/night with DSiL as she is still bf their 7 month old. Now I’m home and I have time to think, and I think it is all a bit shit. I thought I should come home and see my DC and DH but I’m going to end up more emotional-wreck than rested. How on earth do I support my DM and DF as their beautiful son lies day after day, just-about-not-dying? How on earth can I hold space for my wonderful, brave DSiL and their two DC when I just want to shout and scream at him to stop being such a pillock and get the feck better?

OP posts:

cocomelon23 · 22/04/2019 20:43

I'm so happy for you op.

nonevernotever · 22/04/2019 20:53

Just wanted to add my best wishes for you and your brother. We're all rooting for you.

nonevernotever · 24/04/2019 10:11

Saw this today and thought of you and your brother. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-48028721

Original poster

doesthatmakesense · 24/04/2019 13:57

OP posts:

SleepWarrior · 24/04/2019 16:57

What a wonderful positive story nonever

Original poster

doesthatmakesense · 29/04/2019 23:05

Latest update: went over at the weekend, db quite emotional (not surprising, this is serious stuff) but from the ankle up getting better everyday. I'm slightly concerned that he's been having regular liquid morphine for two weeks and is very meh about doing upper body physio, but the judgey-pants are not hoisted high.
He had his op today, and is back in his old HDU room overnight. Think he remembers some of the staff. He texted me to say goodnight, and to say he was in less pain than at the weekend when his feet/legs were horrendously sore.
I cannot think too far ahead as the mountain he now has to climb is dreadful. But he will. I have felt like a truck has run me over (and i knew she was going to cos my shins have had shooting pains all day) since mum texted that he was in theatre at lunchtime- attempt to not drink on school nights was abandoned for today . Cannot be stoic all of the time.

We had talked about doing stand-up paddle-boarding in the summer before we knew his feet would have to go. I do believe that we will do it, somehow. Will post a pic here when it happens. Most likely it will be him gliding along and me flat on my arse.

Thank you all again. I was going to post on instagram on mother pukka's random acts of kindness thread about your late-night words of kindness and courage but that would out me big time.

You are all marvellous.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 29/04/2019 23:10

You’re pretty marvellous yourself. He’s lucky to have a sister like you. Look after yourself too. When my husband came home post sepsis and ops I ended up signed off work for a couple of weeks myself as I seemed to just crash and cry at nothing! I think I was exhausted. Feeling better for it and about to go back now.

beanaseireann · 29/04/2019 23:57

TooManyPaws · 30/04/2019 00:16

Look after yourself too as you will have been running on empty for so long.

He has a good example ahead of him in your grandfather to know that there is still so much open to him and he can still do so much with his family. One good that has come out of the terrible injuries in Iraq and Afghanistan is the improvement in the treatment of amputations and the development in prosthetics. Another is the open acceptance of them in society; it's no longer unusual to see prosthetics - even at the royal wedding - and they don't stop people being athletes, parents, business people. I hope that you understand what I mean, and that the two of you will be paddleboarding together in a couple of years.

SleepWarrior · 30/04/2019 03:15

You've had a lot to shoulder so no wonder you are feeling it.

Make sure you take time for you to process and recover emotionally and don't minimise the effect on you just because you weren't the patient.

It sounds like you have some positive things in the pipeline - the paddleboarding sounds wonderful!

Stopyourhavering64 · 30/04/2019 03:57

In the ITU at my hospital we have a clinical psychologist attached to the unit, to counsel patients who have been in ITU to prevent or lessen the effects of potential PTSD ...might be something worth exploring once your DB is feeling better as , unfortunately it is quite common following such a traumatic life change, but there is support out there

AudacityOfHope · 30/04/2019 07:53

Good luck to your brother OP. And to you! You sound like you've got a pretty good relationship, you can do this together.

babyno5 · 30/04/2019 18:30

@doesthatmakesense I just want to give you a great big hug (and top your 🍷 up!).
Take one day at a time but also know that this time next year you will all be in a different place.
You have been bloody marvellous and I know you'll continue to be.
Your brother is still in my prayers for a speedy recovery. Love to you all xxxx

ajandjjmum · 27/05/2019 09:13

Hello doesthatmakesense
Just clearing down my 'saved' threads - sorry MNHQ, think I must be clogging up your server!
Couldn't delete this one. Hope you and your DB are doing ok, and that the future is looking brighter.
Your grandfather would be so proud of the difference his experience will inevitably make to what you're going through.

PollyShelby · 27/05/2019 09:53

OP I've been thinking of you all too.

Hope you're all getting on okay

flobella · 02/08/2019 20:39

@doesthatmakesense sorry to revive an old thread but I was thinking about you the other day and just wanted to say that I hope you’re all doing well x

writersbeenblocked · 02/08/2019 20:46

I thought of this thread too recently, hope things have been improving OP

Original poster

doesthatmakesense · 04/10/2019 15:05

I just thought you'd maybe like to know that I have just been sent a video of my lovely brother cycling with his two children in the front of one of them Dutch carrier bikes. He has come a long way. It has been one hell of a 6 months, but it really feels like the worst bits are a long way away now.

Thank you all again. I think of you all regularly and am so grateful.

OP posts:

chinam · 04/10/2019 15:07

That's wonderful. What a lovely update.

Abraid2 · 04/10/2019 15:11

My 88-year-old father has survived sepsis twice. With a very weak heart. On both occasions we were warned it could be fatal.

Keep thinking positively.

LagunaBubbles · 04/10/2019 15:12

So lovely to hear that.

Gonegrey31 · 04/10/2019 15:13

That’s such a lovely image . Well done to him . And you are an amazing support !

mnbvcxz098 · 04/10/2019 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ClashCityRocker · 04/10/2019 15:21

Rtft ffs.

Fwiw when my dfil was in intensive care there was so much time just spent in waiting rooms that reaching out for a bit of support would constitute an excellent use of time.

Op, I am so delighted with your update!

DeRigueurMortis · 04/10/2019 15:22

What a fantastic update OP

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