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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my otherwise healthy 39 yo DB shouldn’t be trying not to die from sepsis?

222 replies

doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:46

Just that really. Best part of a week spent in ICU, where I’ve been staying o/night with DSiL as she is still bf their 7 month old. Now I’m home and I have time to think, and I think it is all a bit shit. I thought I should come home and see my DC and DH but I’m going to end up more emotional-wreck than rested. How on earth do I support my DM and DF as their beautiful son lies day after day, just-about-not-dying? How on earth can I hold space for my wonderful, brave DSiL and their two DC when I just want to shout and scream at him to stop being such a pillock and get the feck better?

OP posts:
nakedscientist · 04/04/2019 00:04

When my DH was 49 he contracted sepsis from a kidney stone injury followed by UTI.

He had kidney failure, bilateral adult respiratory distress syndrome, was on dialysis, tube fed, ventilation, urinery catheter, induced coma the works. I was told he had a 20% chance of survival, took the kids in to say good bye.

He was in ICU for a month, had ICU delerium, they thought he had brain damage, meningitis and pneumonia.

Anyhow, he survived, made a total recovery and is fine. When I was going through it I LOVED positive stories. The medics were great they really were, but they sure don't want to ' get your hopes up', it seems to be boarder line cruel at some points.

GOOD LUCK OP, modern medicine is a wonderful thing.

7Days · 04/04/2019 00:06

Glad to see your update. Sending good wishes to your brother and the whole family

ajandjjmum · 04/04/2019 00:33

Wishing your DB well again, and Flowers for you!

DoctorDread · 04/04/2019 00:36

If it's any consolation op I've been hospitalised with sepsis twice and am still here to tell the tale. Wishing you well Thanks

LittlePaintBox · 04/04/2019 00:40

Great to hear of your brother's improvement, OP. Long may it continue.

Flowers
Justaboy · 04/04/2019 00:41

ScienceIsTruth Thats amazing reading what he went through he probally is a bit tougher then you think plus we have a LOT to be thankfull for with modern medcine:-)

Sepis is a real bastard and Menengitis keep an eye out fore the symptoms but their not the easist illnesses to diagnose early.

And early rapid treatment is be best chance of a cure.

Pinkbells · 04/04/2019 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn.

YouBumder · 04/04/2019 00:50

I’m so glad there’s been some improvement x

beanaseireann · 04/04/2019 07:22

Glad to hear he's on the mend. Thanks

Sprogstersmum · 04/04/2019 07:46

I never post but just wanted to say I was exactly where you are 3 weeks ago with my mum and although she is still in hospital she is recovering well. Coming off the ventilator and being conscious was definitely a turning point and she continued to recover every day after that. Wishing you all the best.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/04/2019 07:49

Another who had a family member survive sepsis

Sending all my very very best to your brother Op and you and everyone FlowersFlowersFlowers

kaytee87 · 04/04/2019 07:57

My dad has survived sepsis twice, he's 60 and has terminal cancer.

Your brother can do it, keep positive. Thanks

Catmint · 04/04/2019 07:58

Sending love and strength to you and all of your family.

6demandingchildren · 04/04/2019 08:04

Thinking of you

Summergarden · 04/04/2019 09:23

So sorry to hear this OP. Must be so worrying for you and a real feeling of helplessness.

I had sepsis few years ago and remember clearly how in a matter of days I could feel myself fading away and mustered up the energy to ask my parents to help DH look after the kids if I didn’t make it. Thankfully once it was diagnosed and appropriate treatment was given I recovered quickly. It’s a positive thing that your DB has been diagnosed with it for the same reason- that he is being given the appropriate treatment.

Sending love and thinking of you. Keep us updated.

Afternooninthepark · 04/04/2019 09:34

Last year my mil was hospitalised as she had a terrible reaction to the chemo drugs fighting her bowel cancer, he body started shutting down and she had no end of problems. We only found out she had also contracted sepsis when we overheard one of the ward consultants discussing it with a nurse, they had no intention of informing us!! It was touch and go at the time but happy to report that despite having a terminal bowel cancer she pulled though and is enjoying her life to the full. Fingers crossed for your DB, hope it all goes well.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/04/2019 11:26

That’s a lovely update!

Another huge load of hugs & strength.

Tell him no Easter eggs if he doesn’t sort himself out sharpish 😉

AnneOfCleanTables · 04/04/2019 12:54

Great news! I'm so glad he is taking slow steps to recovery. Remember to take some time for yourself to try to relax and process. Worry and caring take such a toll Flowers

SavageBeauty73 · 04/04/2019 12:54

Yay! Great news!!!

MrsMozartMkII · 04/04/2019 20:54

Lovely update. I hope he continues to improve.

SleepWarrior · 06/04/2019 05:04

How's he doing now OP? Hope it's all moving in the right direction Flowers

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 11/04/2019 00:24

Thank you again for all your posts. As life seemed to be getting back to normal a bit and getting as hectic as normal, and as DB seemed to be doing better, I hadn't had a moment to return to this, I'm back now because my DM phoned an hour ago as they'd been called back to the hospital as he's had "a turn for the worse", bp suddenly crashed and not improving with a blood transfusion. DM said he was off to ct but I haven't heard anything since. I'm an hour away, very tired and had a couple of glasses of wine so can't head over to hospital tonight. So I'm downstairs on the sofa, pretending to crochet and checking my phone approx every 10 seconds, and crying a bit. Trying to decide between DH's nice whisky and herbal tea.

How the holy fucking fuck will I cope with DM and DF if he dies? DB and I are strong candidates for the 'But we took you to stately homes...' thread (even got dragged to one this actual weekend with them as they wanted a "nice walk") and the only person who gets how monumentally challenging and exhausting they are is DB. Without him it will all fall on me, and I cannot begin to imagine how I will cope with that. It will crush me utterly. He cannot, cannot, cannot leave me.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 11/04/2019 01:10

Oh no, that's a horrible shock all over again. You poor love Sad. And all muddled in with awful complicated family awfulness too Flowers

Try not to go there with the 'what its'. If it comes to needing to cope then you will, somehow, one day at time. But right now, the worst hasn't happened.

Go for the herbal tea rather the whisky, I'd say. Alcohol doesn't actually aid a good nights sleep (just the initial falling asleep, plus it's a depressant), and rest is going to be high on the list of things you need ready for tomorrow, if you can manage some.

I pray he can hang in there.

notsodimwit · 11/04/2019 04:05

No words opSad and thinking of you in this worrying timeFlowers

friskybivalves · 11/04/2019 04:24

So sorry to hear this. I read your original post and update, and hoped DB was properly on the mend. Fingers crossed you have had either some better news or some sleep. Have a hand hold...

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