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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my otherwise healthy 39 yo DB shouldn’t be trying not to die from sepsis?

222 replies

doesthatmakesense · 29/03/2019 23:46

Just that really. Best part of a week spent in ICU, where I’ve been staying o/night with DSiL as she is still bf their 7 month old. Now I’m home and I have time to think, and I think it is all a bit shit. I thought I should come home and see my DC and DH but I’m going to end up more emotional-wreck than rested. How on earth do I support my DM and DF as their beautiful son lies day after day, just-about-not-dying? How on earth can I hold space for my wonderful, brave DSiL and their two DC when I just want to shout and scream at him to stop being such a pillock and get the feck better?

OP posts:
OoohAyyye · 12/04/2019 15:10

Sending huge amounts of strength to your DB and family Flowers

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 12/04/2019 15:10

I have nothing useful to say, but I’ve read through this thread and just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and your family. Big hugs Flowers

Apoiads · 12/04/2019 18:22

How are things going for him now OP?

NicoAndTheNiners · 12/04/2019 18:30

Hope he's continuing to improve.

Jamiefraserskilt · 12/04/2019 18:49

Such a nasty condition that hits all ages and is a bastard to call.
If it helps, my chronically ill fil and my teenage son both had it and, thankfully, are both still with us. Scary times. Just keep talking to him and telling him his wife and kids are waiting for him to come home and you will put a bat up his nightshirt if he doesn't fight.
Bless you all x

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 16/04/2019 20:52

OP @doesthatmakesense I've been thinking of your DB and hope is all okay xxx

CripsSandwiches · 16/04/2019 20:54

Thinking of you OP. I know someone who had this and has now made a 99% recovery (just getting his muscle strength back) but was an awful time for his family.

PineapplePatty · 17/04/2019 18:28

Thinking of you OP and hoping your DB is improving.

Honeyroar · 17/04/2019 18:40

Sending you a cyber hug. My husband had an operation followed by sepsis last July. He needed a further operation, but they waited six months for him to recover and be strong enough. They re operated in February but it split open. They had to re operate again and he got sepsis again, He was in icu 10 days and then the regular ward for a further fortnight. He came home, but got pneumonia and a dvt, so we ended up rushing back! It felt like he was never progressing, but he's been home a week now and is starting to pick up.

My point is, it's amazing what you can pull through. Fingers crossed.x. (And you guys look after yourselves too. You've got a lot of stress on your shoulders. I ended up signed off work myself).

Original poster
doesthatmakesense · 21/04/2019 23:35

Just a bit of an update for you all: db came out of ICU on Thursday (hurray) into a nice room with a view of some trees and spent the first night just looking at the stars (double hurray).

He is due for bilateral amputation below the knee on tuesday or weds this week (massive boo) but this is not as scary as it might be as we grew up with a super grandparent who was a WW2 amputee (modest hurray). I honestly never thought of said grandparent as disabled until this week, and we all have a good model for making the best of however you get around the world.

I am trying not to think about the actual procedure as it is truly grisly.

Db is mostly okay, bit teary and scared today which is not unreasonable in the circs. He has been able to get in a normal wheelchair to pop down to the in-hospital costa to see his lovely children a couple of times which is both heartbreaking and wonderful.

I could not have got through these past weeks without you lot. There are dark times in life when we dance on the thinnest edge of despair. Your kindness and solicitude have been solid ground when I have been lonely and exhausted, and unsure of where to put my feet. @mumsnethq can quote me on that.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 21/04/2019 23:40

Oh gosh that's tough news about his legs Sad. Of course it pales into insignificance in comparison to the fight for his life over the last while - what a huge, huge relief that he's doing well Flowers

IncrediblySadToo · 21/04/2019 23:52

🌷you must all be exhausted.

It’s wonderful he’s pulled through it, but it’s very sad about his legs. Of course he’ll cope, but it’s still scary & life changing. There must be all sorts running through his head. I hope he gets some counselling.

I’m sorry about your parents too. It’s amazing you’ve turned out so brilliantly despite their shitty parenting 🌷

Honeyroar · 21/04/2019 23:57

Thanks for the update. You’ve still got so much going on. I hope you’ve got people to lean on. (Stupid question, but is the amputation due to the sepsis?). Sending you all strength and healing hugs.

7Days · 21/04/2019 23:58

Beat of luck to your dear bro. Bittersweet about his poor legs but if it keeps him with the family it's worth it.
Good vibes and prayers, if that's ok to you all

MissConductUS · 22/04/2019 00:10

So sorry you are going through this. Sepsis can be the absolute devil to treat, especially if important antibiotics are contraindicated. You may well have to try them anyway.

If you want more medical information about it the CDC has a really good professional resources page you can access:

Sepsis Clinical Tools

Flowers
Emelene · 22/04/2019 00:24

Tough news about his legs OP.

I'm so glad he is out of intensive care and been able to see his children.

You sound like you've done really well in the hardest situation. I hope the surgery goes as well as it can, and things get better and better for your family Thanksxxx

NiteWotcha · 22/04/2019 07:31

thanks for the update OP Flowers

tough news indeed about the amputation, but hope the procedure is successful and that he makes a good recovery.

stucknoue · 22/04/2019 07:54

Thanks for the update, hope the surgery goes well - I have a friend with two prosthetic legs (one above knee, one below) who has run half marathons (he lost his Afghanistan) it's a lot of healing then rehab but it seems you are putting into perspective. My friend causes a stir at his kids school as he told the little ones he's part robot (he lives in shorts). Take care of him and the rest of your family

UserName31456789 · 22/04/2019 08:06

Thanks for the update OP have been following this thread although I didn't have anything useful to add. I'm glad your brother is through the worst and I'm sorry to hear about his legs. I would definitely recommend looking at the sepsis support groups, I know someone who found them very helpful in similar situations.

babyno5 · 22/04/2019 08:28

Oh @doesthatmakesense I'm welling up here!! So pleased he's pulled through. The double amputation is just a bloody big pothole on the road to recovery. Sending love and keeping you all in my prayers xxx💐

beanaseireann · 22/04/2019 09:36

So glad he's recovering OP.
Wishing him the best re surgery and a speedy recovery from it.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 22/04/2019 09:44

Thank you for the update OP - you've been in my thoughts a lot. Sorry about your DB loss of legs, but so pleased he's making a recovery x

Jux · 22/04/2019 11:07

Will join you in both modest and munificent hurrays for your news, as well as the boos.

I shall be thinking of you all Tues and Wed and sending positive vibes for the operations and your brother's continued recovery.

PineapplePatty · 22/04/2019 17:45

Sorry to hear about his legs but really pleased that he is recovering. Sepsis is such a devastating illness and I'm glad he's still with you all Thanks

flobella · 22/04/2019 20:33

Sending you all the best wishes I can think of. Hope your brother’s recovery is as smooth and as swift as it can be. We’re all rooting for you both x

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